John Cleese (@JohnCleese) By BestofTwitter [12 more lists]
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List of the best tweets by @JohnCleese (http://twitter.com/JohnCleese). From Monty Python to Fawlty Towers, John Cleese is a comedy icon and a downright funny twitter celebrity at that. That’s why he’s definitely worthy of the Best of Twitter title. About The Best of Twitter: My mission is to identify the people you should follow on twitter, point out the people you should be tweeting to and twittering with, show you how to tweet and celebrate the glory that is the twitter tweet.
- 1
Dear followers, I am dictating this to Garry, as I am resting after a long day of skipping and ...
Dear followers, I am dictating this to Garry, as I am resting after a long day of skipping and jumping with my new knee... - 2
Normal service has been resumed, I plugged the toaster in, and now it works... If you missed ...
Normal service has been resumed, I plugged the toaster in, and now it works... If you missed my morning twext, you check Garry's to see... - 3
Yes,yes, I know - Garry had to tweet for me, but it was a tech difficulty. I was trying to ...
Yes,yes, I know - Garry had to tweet for me, but it was a tech difficulty. I was trying to send it from my toaster.... - 4
Oh, and may you continue to be facinated by me, because I really am a wonderful human being.
Oh, and may you continue to be facinated by me, because I really am a wonderful human being. - 5
You little rays of sunshine - Happy New Year to you all, where ever you may be.
You little rays of sunshine - Happy New Year to you all, where ever you may be. - 6
Don't say I'm not hip. I'm very hip, in fact, I had a new one put in, and it's made me even ...
Don't say I'm not hip. I'm very hip, in fact, I had a new one put in, and it's made me even hipper. - 7
On the first day of Christmas my ex-wife gave to me - a lawyers bill, oh, and a pear tree.
On the first day of Christmas my ex-wife gave to me - a lawyers bill, oh, and a pear tree. - 8
Well, my little rays of sunshine, that's the tour done... I am now a free man, I shall spend ...
Well, my little rays of sunshine, that's the tour done... I am now a free man, I shall spend the day skipping, and kicking Garry. - 9
All well, the deed was done, and I can now see again... just... thank you all for your prayers ...
All well, the deed was done, and I can now see again... just... thank you all for your prayers and death threats (you know who you are). - 10
Well, lovely twats... As Garry told you, I'm under the laser tomorrow for quick cataract ...
Well, lovely twats... As Garry told you, I'm under the laser tomorrow for quick cataract removal, ah, the joys of middle age... - 11
Coffee is such a cheerful liquid
Coffee is such a cheerful liquid - 12
Dearest, darlinglyest, beautifulyest, loveliest, Twitteryest, fanyest, fans, I am much better.
Dearest, darlinglyest, beautifulyest, loveliest, Twitteryest, fanyest, fans, I am much better. Even funnier, and cuddlier, than before. - 13
Dear Scottsdale fans, sorry to miss you, but will be back.... I think that Garry gave me a bad ...
Dear Scottsdale fans, sorry to miss you, but will be back.... I think that Garry gave me a bad cold, or something... Have locked him up. - 14
Which font are you most scared of?
Which font are you most scared of?
11:58 AM Sep 4th from Seesmic - 15
... I will toast you all with a hot chocolate (made with soya, as I'm allergic to everything ...
... I will toast you all with a hot chocolate (made with soya, as I'm allergic to everything else)...
2:21 PM Sep 2nd from Ping.fm - 16
Oh, by the way - you are all to be congratulated... The vote for the NSPCC helped them win a ...
Oh, by the way - you are all to be congratulated... The vote for the NSPCC helped them win a donation from Twitter!!!
2:21 PM Sep 2nd from Ping.fm - 17
I hear that lazy hanger-on has claimed glory about the jigsaw... Well, he'll tweet again, once ...
I hear that lazy hanger-on has claimed glory about the jigsaw... Well, he'll tweet again, once his fingers are healed..
2:18 PM Sep 2nd from Ping.fm - 18
Just hold quite still and don't worry about the ladder
Just hold quite still and don't worry about the ladder
4:19 AM Aug 29th from twhirl - 19
Well done the England cricket team!
Well done the England cricket team!
10:49 AM Aug 23rd from Seesmic - 20
OK we've reduced a couple of shirts so I only make 1 cent on each sale.. afraid we can't go ...
OK we've reduced a couple of shirts so I only make 1 cent on each sale.. afraid we can't go lower than spreadshirt's minimum price!
11:36 AM Aug 19th from twhirl - 21
Sorry, who am I again?
Sorry, who am I again?
5:32 AM Aug 18th from Seesmic - 22
... now, back to getting better, and wondering how Garry would look with one eyebrow shaved ...
... now, back to getting better, and wondering how Garry would look with one eyebrow shaved off...
6:15 AM Aug 4th from Ping.fm - 23
... they answer as many calls as they can on Childline, but 1/3 of calls go un-answered...
... they answer as many calls as they can on Childline, but 1/3 of calls go un-answered... Winning the Twesitval could help...
6:14 AM Aug 4th from Ping.fm - 24
My dear, dear twittering twats. I have dragged myself from my bed, where I have been resting, ...
My dear, dear twittering twats. I have dragged myself from my bed, where I have been resting, and thinking of new ways to taunt Garry... ... - 25
My pro-state of the union address is this - every day, in every way, I'm getting better.
My pro-state of the union address is this - every day, in every way, I'm getting better. Although, I think that Garry is drugging me...
6:25 AM Jul 25th from Ping.fm - 26
Dear long suffering fans, just to let you know that I am on the mend. Poking Garry with that ...
Dear long suffering fans, just to let you know that I am on the mend. Poking Garry with that fork cheered me up no end....
8:12 AM Jul 24th from Ping.fm - 27
... well actually, it wasn't a fork, it was a spoon, as that was all that I had to hand..
... well actually, it wasn't a fork, it was a spoon, as that was all that I had to hand..
8:10 AM Jul 24th from Ping.fm - 28
Feeling a bit better. May be strong enough to poke Garry in the eye with a plastic fork, which ...
Feeling a bit better. May be strong enough to poke Garry in the eye with a plastic fork, which is a sign that my strength is coming back...
11:39 AM Jul 23rd from Ping.fm - 29
Dearest Twittering Twats, Just to let you know that reports of my death are greatly ...
Dearest Twittering Twats, Just to let you know that reports of my death are greatly exaggerated...
6:47 AM Jul 23rd from Ping.fm - 30
The U is back. Removed by that pesky spell check thing which replaces things when it ...
The "U" is back. Removed by that pesky spell check thing which replaces things when it shouldn't. I'll have it shot.
10:21 AM Jul 4th from Ping.fm - 31
I like collective nouns... Like a spread of sticklebacks... an array of objects... or my ...
I like collective nouns... Like a spread of sticklebacks... an array of objects... or my favorite for politicians - a waste of time.
8:33 AM Jul 4th from Ping.fm - 32
Yes, and you did manage to get the patch on the correct eye... Well done.
Yes, and you did manage to get the patch on the correct eye... Well done.
8:27 AM Jul 4th from Ping.fm - 33
Well, I have had that Civet coffee. It was quite good. But, I prefer the beans that have ...
Well, I have had that Civet coffee. It was quite good. But, I prefer the beans that have passed through a cat. They're slightly sweeter.
8:10 AM Jul 4th from Ping.fm - 34
I'm sure you've missed me. But I know that you've been kept busy reading all Stephen's lovely ...
I'm sure you've missed me. But I know that you've been kept busy reading all Stephen's lovely Tweets - what energy he has...
1:45 AM Jul 3rd from Ping.fm - 35
Dear Twittering Twats. My eye is feeling much better, so I can now join your ranks once more.
Dear Twittering Twats. My eye is feeling much better, so I can now join your ranks once more.
1:44 AM Jul 3rd from Ping.fm - 36
From Garry: Thanks for all your lovely messages for my birthday...
From Garry: Thanks for all your lovely messages for my birthday...
2:37 AM Jun 19th from Ping.fm - 37
March, I gave him a two week holiday... of course, in 2029 he will receive yet another ...
March, I gave him a two week holiday... of course, in 2029 he will receive yet another holiday...
7:13 AM Jun 18th from Ping.fm - 38
Apparently Garry is complaining he is having to work on his birthday. May I point out that ...
Apparently Garry is complaining he is having to work on his birthday. May I point out that when he completed 20 years of servitude with in..
7:13 AM Jun 18th from Ping.fm - 39
From Garry: He's asked me to confirm it is my birthday, not his, but you knew that - his is ...
From Garry: He's asked me to confirm it is my birthday, not his, but you knew that - his is October 27th...
4:29 AM Jun 18th from Ping.fm - 40
Oh, and he's in a very good mood, and is letting me work on my birthday (today) all day, so ...
Oh, and he's in a very good mood, and is letting me work on my birthday (today) all day, so feel very lucky...
4:03 AM Jun 18th from Ping.fm - 41
From Garry: Look out for JC doing a fundraiser for NSPCC. He's intro-ing Life of Brian at ...
From Garry: Look out for JC doing a fundraiser for NSPCC. He's intro-ing Life of Brian at Electric Cinema on 25th June...
4:02 AM Jun 18th from Ping.fm - 42
Nibbling
Nibbling
10:51 AM Jun 16th from Seesmic Desktop - 43
From Garry: Will be posting a little movie shortly - to show that he is still alive, and not ...
From Garry: Will be posting a little movie shortly - to show that he is still alive, and not looking too bad...
4:29 AM Jun 15th from Ping.fm - 44
From Garry: As you can tell, he's doing very well! We've been working all morning...
From Garry: As you can tell, he's doing very well! We've been working all morning...
4:07 AM Jun 15th from Ping.fm - 45
From Garry: Have posted a photo on my twitter space - will try and post it here too...
From Garry: Have posted a photo on my twitter space - will try and post it here too...
4:42 AM Jun 11th from Ping.fm - 46
He didn't want to alarm you by saying that he was having an eye op yesterday... photo to ...
He didn't want to alarm you by saying that he was having an eye op yesterday... photo to follow... anyway, he's alive!!
2:54 AM Jun 11th from Ping.fm - 47
From Garry: Well, the great cheese has been busy keeping you updated on things... But...
From Garry: Well, the great cheese has been busy keeping you updated on things... But...
2:53 AM Jun 11th from Ping.fm - 48
I think chocolate biscuits are in order
I think chocolate biscuits are in order
12:59 PM Jun 6th from Seesmic Desktop - 49
will return to London via train from York, which is very civilized...
will return to London via train from York, which is very civilized...
1:24 AM Jun 6th from Ping.fm - 50
...then last night a lovely dinner at Harewood House, in the Yorkshire countryside, just ...
...then last night a lovely dinner at Harewood House, in the Yorkshire countryside, just beautiful...
1:23 AM Jun 6th from Ping.fm - 51
He gave a speech in Harrogate, did press, had a bite to eat, then over to Bridlington, and ...
He gave a speech in Harrogate, did press, had a bite to eat, then over to Bridlington, and gave another speech...
1:22 AM Jun 6th from Ping.fm - 52
From Garry: Well, the old man did amazingly well... He arrived in Harrogate at 2am. Got up at ...
From Garry: Well, the old man did amazingly well... He arrived in Harrogate at 2am. Got up at 7:30am, and then we were off..
1:21 AM Jun 6th from Ping.fm - 53
We're minutes - literally minutes - away from launching my Nigerian Lottery
We're minutes - literally minutes - away from launching my Nigerian Lottery
12:26 PM May 30th from Seesmic Desktop - 54
So, is everything working then?
So, is everything working then?
12:13 PM May 30th from Seesmic Desktop - 55
The Mac had to be retired, that is, not John. He is still working.
The Mac had to be retired, that is, not John. He is still working.
1:12 AM May 29th from Seesmic Desktop - 56
The Mac had to be retired, that is, not John. He is still working.
From Barry, Garry's Secret Twin: I am installing new things on John's Mac. The old one became temperamental and had to be retired.
1:11 AM May 29th from Seesmic Desktop - 57
From Barry, Garry's Secret Twin: I am installing new things on John's Mac. The old one became ...
From Barry, Garry's Secret Twin: I am installing new things on John's Mac. The old one became temperamental and had to be retired.
1:11 AM May 29th from Seesmic Desktop - 58
No, I wasn't using Google translate
No, I wasn't using Google translate
8:45 AM May 11th from twhirl - 59
Gjorde jo at Danmark er den glædeligvis landskab på jorden?
Gjorde jo at Danmark er den glædeligvis landskab på jorden?
4:58 AM May 11th from twhirl - 60
Mig veninde er nok så befri. Hun er en gris jordbruger.
Mig veninde er nok så befri. Hun er en gris jordbruger.
4:57 AM May 11th from twhirl - 61
Behage kunne jer afgøre mig den måde hen til den nærmest høj?
Behage kunne jer afgøre mig den måde hen til den nærmest høj?
4:56 AM May 11th from twhirl - 62
Jeg er føre ud i praksis mig Dansk taler
Jeg er føre ud i praksis mig Dansk taler
4:53 AM May 11th from twhirl - 63
I forgot to recharge myself overnight. I may not be able to contin
I forgot to recharge myself overnight. I may not be able to contin
12:37 AM May 6th from twhirl - 64
Football. In the UK that means a game played mostly by people from elsewhere, but at least ...
Football. In the UK that means a game played mostly by people from elsewhere, but at least it's played with the feet.
2:08 PM May 5th from twhirl - 65
Guava - a fruit, not a country
Guava - a fruit, not a country
7:39 AM May 3rd from twhirl - 66
Guava - a fruit, not a country
- 67
vanilla, on the other hand, has a bad name these days
vanilla, on the other hand, has a bad name these days
12:40 PM May 1st from twhirl - 68
Weighing up minty plenitude against tongue-cavorting freshness
Weighing up minty plenitude against tongue-cavorting freshness
4:38 AM Apr 30th from twhirl - 69
considering what pithy phrase to use next
considering what pithy phrase to use next
3:07 AM Apr 30th from twhirl - 70
considering what pithy phrase to use next
- 71
From Garry: The big Cheese is on the move, coming to the UK -guess how...
From Garry: The big Cheese is on the move, coming to the UK -guess how...
10:33 AM Apr 26th from Ping.fm - 72
From Garry: The great Cheese is off to Cornell to be a Prof. I'm heading back to Europe, so a ...
From Garry: The great Cheese is off to Cornell to be a Prof. I'm heading back to Europe, so a long journey ahead...
6:56 AM Apr 16th from Ping.fm - 73
From Garry: The speech went really well last night. Lots of students, who asked great ...
From Garry: The speech went really well last night. Lots of students, who asked great questions - 2,700 attendees!
6:55 AM Apr 16th from Ping.fm - 74
coffee or wine? if you had to choose one for your desert island... which would it be?
coffee or wine? if you had to choose one for your desert island... which would it be?
7:21 AM Apr 12th from twhirl - 75
From Garry: Crude is being made (animated), this is a new movie, and it should be a lot of ...
From Garry: Crude is being made (animated), this is a new movie, and it should be a lot of fun...
9:28 PM Apr 11th from Ping.fm - 76
From Garry: Had a good evening with the Cheese, who is brimming with ideas for his new ...
From Garry: Had a good evening with the Cheese, who is brimming with ideas for his new movie...
8:15 AM Apr 11th from Ping.fm - 77
and whatever you do, don't all click at once
and whatever you do, don't all click at once
10:59 AM Mar 28th from twhirl - 78
From Garry: should have read: and his hand slipped...
From Garry: should have read: and his "hand" slipped...
4:47 PM Mar 25th from Ping.fm - 79
From Garry: He wasn't acting inappropriately, he was tucking her under his arm for a cuddle, ...
From Garry: He wasn't acting inappropriately, he was tucking her under his arm for a cuddle, and his slipped...
4:45 PM Mar 25th from Ping.fm - 80
From Garry: John just picked up Rocky, unfortunately he had his hand on her breast, as Camilla ...
From Garry: John just picked up Rocky, unfortunately he had his hand on her breast, as Camilla ran by to get the cat food....
9:47 AM Mar 25th from Ping.fm - 81
Genuine coup, tanks on the lawn
Genuine coup, tanks on the lawn
12:03 PM Mar 24th from twhirl - 82
Preparing to Tweet a second time
Preparing to Tweet a second time
3:07 PM Mar 22nd from twhirl - 83
The surprising thing here is that many of you seem to know what I am on about, which makes it ...
The surprising thing here is that many of you seem to know what I am on about, which makes it a moment which, rather than when. Good news!
3:00 PM Mar 22nd from twhirl - 84
a
a
2:58 PM Mar 22nd from twhirl - 85
I'll have to go again, just give me moment.
I'll have to go again, just give me moment.
2:57 PM Mar 22nd from twhirl - 86
I just had one.
I just had one.
2:56 PM Mar 22nd from twhirl - 87
Do you ever get those moments when?
Do you ever get those moments when?
2:54 PM Mar 22nd from twhirl - 88
erroneous reports. I'll have to start this again.
erroneous reports. I'll have to start this again.
2:49 PM Mar 22nd from twhirl - 89
been
been
2:46 PM Mar 22nd from twhirl - 90
There's...
There's...
2:44 PM Mar 22nd from twhirl - 91
Putting characters in the correct order
Putting characters in the correct order
2:39 PM Mar 22nd from twhirl - 92
Preparing to Tweet
Preparing to Tweet
2:35 PM Mar 22nd from twhirl - 93
From Garry: The lovely Camilla and Rocky keep dashing in and eating the cat food. They are so ...
From Garry: The lovely Camilla and Rocky keep dashing in and eating the cat food. They are so funny when they run, I'll get a flip of it..
1:04 PM Mar 12th from Ping.fm - 94
From Garry: Back in the office with the great cheese... Then, heading to Santa Monica, where ...
From Garry: Back in the office with the great cheese... Then, heading to Santa Monica, where he is going to be talking Don Quixote...
9:37 AM Mar 9th from Ping.fm - 95
From Garry: Back in Santa B. JC off to see Sienfeld tomorrow night (he's performing here).
From Garry: Back in Santa B. JC off to see Sienfeld tomorrow night (he's performing here). Should be fun.
3:33 PM Mar 5th from Ping.fm - 96
when i tweet someone's link, we should really get everyone scheduled to click not-all-at-once, ...
when i tweet someone's link, we should really get everyone scheduled to click not-all-at-once, so their server doesn't cease operations..
9:23 AM Mar 4th from twhirl - 97
Just don't type MySpace into Facebook
Just don't type MySpace into Facebook
9:21 AM Mar 4th from twhirl - 98
From Garry: The great Cheese is doing a very heavy workout, I think he plans to live for ...
From Garry: The great Cheese is doing a very heavy workout, I think he plans to live for ever...
12:59 PM Feb 25th from Ping.fm - 99
Here is another ping. Oh, Camilla just pecked some cat food...
Here is another ping. Oh, Camilla just pecked some cat food...
10:09 AM Feb 25th from Ping.fm - 100
Thinking about tooth decay...
Thinking about tooth decay...
9:20 AM Feb 25th from Ping.fm
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