10 Creepiest Sex Scenes in Superhero Movies By DaveHoward  [10 more lists]

HULK HORNY!!! HULK SMASH!!!

Well, that's what Bruce Banner is afraid of at least in The Incredible Hulk, which finds Ed Norton alone in a motel room with his ex-girlfriend about to do what we all do with our ex-girlfriends in motel rooms... something we'll soon deeply, deeply regret.

In most cases that just means we have to break up with them all over again because we got it out of our systems (and hopefully felt appropriately guilty about it afterwards), and that would be awkward enough. But poor Bruce can't even get to the awkward stage because his heart rate monitor keeps going off, which means that if he's not careful Betty would find herself having sex with an enormous, muscle-y, primal incarnation of Banner's raging id. So he stops.

Naturally, she's REALLY freaking disappointed.

For the sake of argument, let's set aside the fact that this scene features a very young Madonna trying to seduce an already uncomfortably old Warren Beatty. That she spends the entire scene trying to get him to admit that he wants her sexually like she wants him. That she wants the increasingly beige orange peel he calls his skin rubbing up against hers and...

Yes, let's set that aside.

Actually, Dick Tracy isn't a bad movie. It's a little goofy perhaps, but it's got a stellar cast and some incredible production design in its favor. What it doesn't have, in this scene in particular, is halfway decent dialogue. You see, Dick Tracy is set in the world of fast-talkin' dames and manly men. The Howard Hawks and Preston Sturges years, in which everyone was really clever all the time and spat out line after line of memorable quips, one-liners and bite-sized bits of philosophy that rolled off the tongue like a beige orange...

Oh God, sorry.

Anyway, this scene doesn't have any of that. It's a rapid fire rat-a-tat of obvious sentiments written so blandly that no one of the countless dozens of lines spoken by either Madonna or Beatty was quotable enough to include in this description. What makes it truly awful is that they're ALL supposed to be. Oversold, underwritten, and of course very, very gross.

Oh, right, the sex scene. This one actually happened OFF-SCREEN, but Madonna did pretty much sleep with Warren Beatty for the part... our only description of why that's creepy? Beige. Orange.

Before he decides to put on a fetish outfit and running around beating people up with long sticks, "Kick Ass" spends his days dreaming about his well-endowed but not particularly attractive english teacher and making deposits in what he delightfully refers to as "the whack off warehouse." Honestly, were were all teenagers once. Or in our mid-twenties. Or our mid-thirties. Or what have you...

AHEM! Sorry, lost our train of thought. But director Matthew Vaughn places a surprising amount of emphasis on his hero's masturbatory habits, even in this trailer (00:28 - 00:42). Sympathetic? Perhaps, but unlike the similar j*****f scene in Fast Times at Ridgemont High, he doesn't give us enough freeze-framable nudity to keep the sequence off of our list of the weirdest superhero sex scenes of all time.

There are several creepy sex scenes in Zack Snyder's The Watchmen, from the r**e of the first Silk Spectre to Doctor Manhattan's attempted four-way with the new Silk Spectre, but nothing was as cringe-inducing as the Nite Owl's attempts to nail the new Silk Spectre (man, these Silk Spectres sure do seem to attract all the weirdos...).

Despite the fact that they've been dancing around an affair for God knows how long, and that the Nite Owl is clearly in love with her, and that the Silk Spectre is the one who actually jumps HIM for a change, the poor guy just can't seal the deal. Sure, it's a metaphor for his subconscious sense of failure for giving up on his true calling, but that doesn't take the sting off of the lovely young woman saying those two little words that no man likes to hear: "It's okay."

It's not okay, ladies. It sucks. And it's no less painful watching somebody else have the same problem.

Not that... You know, not that it's ever happened to US...

In this love scene (not in the theatrical cut of the film), Daredevil and Elektra make really boring love to each other. The dispassionate kisses and caresses are even more uncomfortable when offset by the hard-hitting Evanescence song on the soundtrack, which depending on your point of view, only makes it more pathetic. We've had more passionate experiences trying on socks.

Jennifer? Seriously, you're making love to Ben Affleck at a time when that seemed fashionable. Ben? You're making love to Jennifer Garner, which to this day actually REMAINS fashionable. Try to look like you're enjoying yourselves!