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Drunk Kid Passes OutCollege is hard. You’ve got plenty of homework, parties and girls to date rape. Our main character in this particular video seems to have partied hard and forgot his entrance card. Immediately admitting defeat, he falls asleep in the doorway. The first group of students attempt to wake him up before they go back indoors, but he is out cold. The second guy simply walks by without paying any mind. At 6:10, our character finally wakes up, still staggering and forgetting the entire scenario once again attempts to open the locked door. Much like the characters in the Sci-fi film Cube, our friend is stuck in a puzzle that he can’t get out of. Finally, at 7:45, someone enters and gives him yet another chance to enter the building, to which he unexplainably declines and continues to stand in the doorway.
Alcohol TestAfter being arrested for what we will assume is public intoxication, our portly drunk sits down without much problem. However, issues arise when he drops his ID. As he bends down, he stumbles a little and proceeds to fall into a wall, leaving a nice sized hole. Our patient police officer lifts him up and attempts to finish filling out the forms. Unfortunately, our drunk friend physically cannot stand up any longer and crumbles to the floor.
One More BeerSometimes you’ve drunken and then drunken some more but you’re just not satisfied. You’re convinced you’re just one beer or so away from being satisfied, but you’re completely tapped out. It seems like your only option is to return to the convenience store and get a one last case. In the case of this video, we have a man in black walking into the grocery store. If you look, the time says 10:47 when he enters and based on the sunlight outside that’s 10:47am (or he lives in the Alaskan town that Insomnia took place in).
Walking immediately seems to be an issue for him. In an attempt to open the freezer, he falls into a rack of chips and walks like Buster Keaton after a long night binge with Hunter S. Thompson. He falls to the floor and struggles to get up and stay standing. What’s most amazing is that it takes three minutes before anyone seems to take notice to him flailing around on the floor.
While this video has been revealed as a fake, he truly is the Charlie Chaplin of the next generation and deserves his spot on this list for quality acting.
Drunk Santa Stumbles Through the Parking LotNothing says Christmas quite like a drunken Santa Claus stumbling around the mall parking lot. Apparently, after a long day of letting spoiled kids sit on his lap, Santa kicked back a few before leaving work. What ensues is something straight out of Bad Santa. Our Santa does it all. He pees in the parking lot, falls down, slams his head against a parked car, and then pees yet again outside the elevator. As if life couldn’t be worse for Santa, two people leave the elevator and catch him with his pants down (literally), causing him to fall again before make his slow escape to the elevator.
Drunk Drives Through MallA man, who looks strangely like a more overweight Zach Galifianakis, apparently decided after throwing back a few cold ones that he wanted to pay tribute to the Blues Brothers. I must that say for however many drinks this guy needed in order to drive through a mall, he actually drives in a pretty straight line throughout his joy ride. This plan seemed to not be completely foolproof though, since he was pulled over immediately upon leaving the mall. While resisting arrest he receives a nice face full of pepper spray. Moral of the story: Driving through a mall is OK, but leaving one while still in the vehicle, not OK.
It Happened One NightScott Joplin’s musical accompaniment is the only appropriate music to this slapstick mess of a night. This man was reportedly leaving a party from the Savoy in London that included attendees of the likes of Liam Neeson and Ian McKellen. Fancy pancy.
However, what this person was doing with Magneto and Qui-Gon before this footage isn’t important; what is important is thanks to security cameras and the Internet, he will never forget the conclusion of his night. I commend him for not drunk driving; however, when you allow yourself to get this sloppy drunk, sometimes you deserve to flip over a railing or tumble down the street into some nearby construction. Don't allow friends to drink and walk, apparently.
Drunk Gets Revenge With His TruckI’ve never drunken, so I don’t completely understand "drunk logic," but having been the designated driver multiple times, I realize sometimes being drunk doesn’t help with good ‘problem solving.’
In this particular case, we have our two main characters who we’ll call drunk college kid (DCK) and tough bouncer (TB). What happened inside the bar will probably remain a mystery, but clearly it was bad enough for TB to get extra rough. DCK refuses to accept defeat and attempts to return to the bar, only to be greeted with a forceful shove. So he does the only logical thing. He proceeds to try to smash the door down with his truck.
The door is marked up, but not nearly as smashed as the front of his car. He then accepts defeat and drives away. We can only assume that his truck stood out like a sore thumb, and he was pulled over and charged with a DUI in about 30 seconds later.
Drunken RampageThey say that alcohol brings your true self out. If that’s the case, this man’s true self is a cross between Steven Seagal and the Incredible Hulk. In just 30 seconds of footage, we see the Brawny Towel Man shoving people on the street, picking fights with strangers, and battling off six cops at once. This man shouldn’t have been arrested, but instead cast in the next Transporter film since this feels like a highlight reel straight out of Crank 2: High Voltage.