Tattoo Causes a Permanent ErectionThe male arousal drug Viagra suggests that you call your doctor immediately if an erection lasts longer than four hours. An erection that lasts longer than four hours is only good if you're in the bedroom and are named Sting.
Your tattoo artist suggests you consult a doctor after three months of having your new penis tattoo.
According to January 3, 2012's edition of The Journal of Sexual Medicine (NSFW), the "first case of nonischemic priapism following penile tattooing" has occurred. The report details the observations made by doctors of an Iranian man, who after he had the brilliant idea to tattoo "good luck on your journeys"in Persian with his girlfriend's initials at the end on his penis, is now unable to be at anything less than half mast at all times. Forever.
How did this not seem like a bad idea to anyone? Doesn't he know that it's a bad luck to get the name of your significant other tattooed anywhere on your body, let alone your penis? That's the one spot f*ture girlfriends will definitely be looking at.
What's he going to do once she dumps him for being a complete and utter idiot? Try to find another girlfriend with the initial "M," I suppose.
Apparently the side effects aren't too disconcerting for the man, though, as he is no longer seeking corrective procedures. AKA, he thankfully (probably) doesn't work around any children.
Nevertheless, the doctors and researchers who authored the article conclude that "considering this case, we discourage penile tattooing." Thanks to those good doctors for that piece of sound advice.
Boy Band Singer Gets Mercury Poisoning from Tattoo
Tattoo ink is not regulated by any group--government or private--and because of that you can find all sorts of weird mukky muk in the ink -- especially colored ink. You can find stuff like mercury, lead and other allergens which can lead to poisoning of the blood, which can potentially kill you.
Such a horrible thing occurred to Irish singer Keith Duffy of the boy band Boyzone in 2008, postponing their highly-anticipated(???) reunion tour after being broken up for 7 glorious years.
A few hours after receiving a tattoo he began to fall ill. His arms and legs began to swell and then he collapsed before being rushed to a hospital. One of his fellow band mates likened his appearance to the "Elephant man" -- which can't be a good thing when half of your talent as an artist is to look good (if you're in a boy band).
But the real question about this story is why members of boy bands have the audacity to get tattoos. There's no way you can give off a "bad boy" image when you're singing "Wish I could tell by the look in your eyes/Don't leave my heart out here on the line" as the high voice in a four-part harmony.
For the full story click here.
Your Grandma is Right for Once: Tattoo Causes HIV
Looks like ignorant white people are going to start blaming HIV and AIDS on something other than the three H's (hemophiliacs, Haitians and homosexuals) and in order to start exploring other letters of the alphabet because of a recent news story. Which letter is that? The letter "T", which today stands for Tourists Thinking Third-world Tattoo-artists are Trustworthy.
Bali, a resort island in Indonesia, is known for its beaches, nightlife, and its drastic increase in HIV and AIDS cases.
One case has been all but confirmed in Australia, and has led to doctors encouraging those who have gone under the needle in Indonesia to be tested for HIV and other blood-borne diseases, which just shows you how bad doctors are at advice as a group if their advice is "Yeah, you'll probably get AIDS after you get a tattoo in Indonesia, so you should probably get tested afterward" instead of just "DON'T GET A TATTOO IN INDONESIA."
Their leader later revealed the wonderful advice (which always sounds dumb when it's said publicly, but they wouldn't have to say it if people didn't keep running into these dumbass problems) to just not get any tattoos or piercings in developing countries.
So if there's a place where you can't drink the water unless it's boiled, then served to you in a bag with a straw, don't get a procedure done on you that involves needles and causes you to bleed.
Man Tattoos His Crimes on His Chest. Somehow (??) Gets Caught
This week on world's dumbest criminals ...
In January 2004, 23-year-old John Juarez, member of the Pico Nuevo gang (who specialize exclusively in providing fresh salsa to local restaurants), was murdered outside of a liquor store in Pico Rivera. The case went unsolved until 2008, when LAPD Sergeant Kevin Lloyd noticed some peculiar tattoos on the body of Rivera 13 member Anthony Garcia in his mugshot.
The tattoo is a visual confession, depicting Mr. Peanut being gunned down by a helicopter in front of Mr. Ed's Liquor store, with the words "Rivera Kills" above the scene. Garcia's nickname, as it turns out, is "chopper" while members of the Pico Nuevo gang are known as "peanuts" by their rivals. Police were able to decipher the blatantly obvious message on his chest and then brought him to justice.
While I appreciate the puns, what kind of an idiot actually illustrates his crimes on his chest? The kind that's now facing 65 years to life.
Woman's Fairy Tattoo Leads to Naked Pictures on Her Facebook
Fourteen years of planning and fourteen hours of pain did not prepare Crysta Hammond for what would follow her decision to get the image of two fairies hugging each other etched huge onto the side of her torso for the rest of her life.
The artist who inked the tattoo on her body took a picture of it, saying it'd be used for his private portfolio.
Later that day, he asked for Hammond's friendship on Facebook, which she accepted. Shortly thereafter he posted the photo of her naked torso and tagged her on the image... Which is great, you know, because every girl wants the whole of her Facebook connections to see her naked.
It seems Hammond doesn't check her Facebook all that often, because it wasn't until she received a call from her banker two days later that she even realized the infringement of her privacy (and that her f*cking banker Facebook stalks her).
Legally the unnamed artist is within rights to post the image because she signed a waiver before sitting in the chair, but he probably should have known better.
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