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cardioWanna live, you have to take care of your body. A good work out is likely to keep most organs running smooth. The good thing is sex burns almost as many calories as a trip to the gym. So hit the bedroom and stay healthy.
- 2When you're a drunk keeping the liquor cabinet stocked is a chore and expensive. Thank god for store brand Vodka. You could always make your own vodka still, but if you were that determined you'd probably be drinking less.
Credit RatingYou can't even buy a cell phone let alone a house with bad credit. Well you used to be able to buy house with s**tty credit but those days are long gone. Most people don't realize your credit rating is like a men's room at a local bar where the bar tenders look like the chicks they take home. Companies can just write s**t on the walls and you'll never know it's there. Forgot to pay that bill years ago, it's likely on there. Some marks may actually be a mistake and it's up to you to maintain it and fix it.
- 4Regular relationships are hard enough, but when you're dating a headcase just for the great head, you have to make sure she doesn't go Bobbit on you or make doggie treats out of your cuddly little canine that she's probably jealous of (because she crazy). Be forewarned, brothers (and sisters).
- 5Most people forget that when you get a car you have to maintain it. The longer you've had it, the more visits to the shop it's likely to need. Run out of oil and the engine will work about as well as our economy. Don't keep the tires inflated they'll blow like the US real estate bubble. I've got economy jokes all night, ladies....Ladies?
- 6Except for masochists, most people don't like going to the dentist. There's a reason for that. It's because people wait to long between visits or only go when a tooth is falling out. By then you're screwed. Brushing and flossing twice a day can be a chore but it's better then looking like this guy. Although when you're that old (and that HAPPY, look at him!) who cares.
Computer softwareUpdates, updates, updates! Everything needs to be updated all the time. If you've ever tried to update all your software and anti virus programs at the same time it could easily take you day. It's important to update your software to protect it from kids living in their parents' basements inventing viruses designed to wreak havoc on you're life.
I.R.S. RecordsAs Mark Twain said "the only things for certain in life are death and taxes". The balancing act between not overpaying and not getting audited is brutal. The solution to this one is just shell out the cash for a professional. Let them deal with the head ache.
RobotsIf you're damn lucky enough to have a robot you need to keep it lubed and happy. Lube it how you want, man, that's your business. We all know what happens to unhappy robots, they run around massacring people (that is now a verb). So do a service to all mankind and take care of your effing robot. Now, I'm off to use MY robot to "stay healthy". Later!