12 Things We Hate About Disneyland All Places
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12 Things We Hate About Disneyland

Back in the days of lore, a visionary named Walt Disney created Disneyland. Little did he know what a pain in the ass it would become. While our parents regale us with stories of E-Tickets, Mule Trains, and $5 admissions, we have a more bitter view of what this park has really turned into.

Beginning with Eisner and continuing with the powers that be, this park is no longer The Happiest Place on Earth. It's not even The Second Happiest Place on Earth. It's now The Most Expensive Place on Earth.

Should you decide to beat the pavement with Mickey and Minnie, prepare to lose your wallet.

Your soul. Your SANITY.

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    The Wheelchair Poachers

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    My mother has rheumatoid arthritis. She turns 60 next year.

    She deserves a goddamn wheel chair or an automatic scooter.

    I won't even quibble about the price. If $40 means that woman can stroll around the park, uninhibited and pain-free, it's money well spent.

    That is, if she can get to the park early enough to snag a chair or scooter before the armies of lazy people manage to roll their fat asses out of bed.

    But what does Disneyland care? I've watched them give their last scooter to a 400lb woman, who actually COULD walk, because she happened to be in line before an elderly man with a cane.

    Why they don't require a disability placard or ID is beyond me. But if I see another family of four on scooters, lying out of their dimpled asses to the attendants so they can get in line faster than everyone else on Indiana Jones, I'm gonna throw them into Rivers of America and happily watch them drown.

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