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A Modern Mobile Fairy Tale: Man Marries His Smart PhoneLos Angeles filmmaker Aaron Chervenak claimed he wanted to make a point about the emotional connection people have with their phones, but he was probably just sick of his parents bothering him about finding a girlfriend. In the name of ~art~, Chervenak eloped with his phone to the Little Las Vegas Chapel.
He explained, "If we’re gonna be honest with ourselves, we connect with our phones on so many emotional levels. We look to it for solace, to calm us down, to put us to sleep, to ease our minds, and to me, that’s also what a relationship is about. In a sense, my smartphone has been my longest relationship." What a catch.
He Choo Choo Chooses It: Man Marries Steam Engine TrainJoachim A has a thing for the inner workings of technical objects, which is great since he works as a repair man... but not so great for his spouse, a steam locomotive.
"A love affair could very well begin with a broken radiator," Joachim says, "Repair jobs have often led to infidelity in the past." But they always seem to plow through it and stay together somehow.
He stresses that people like him (the people on this list) aren't just fetishists. "For some people, their car becomes a fetish which they use to put themselves in the limelight. For the objectum-sexual, on the other hand, the car itself – and nothing else – is the desired sexual partner, and all sexual fantasies and emotions are focused on it."
Needless to say, this guy loves to fix things.
He realized he had a "thing" for things when he was 12. He's currently 45. He loves his train like he would a person, according to him: "you can reveal yourself to an object partner in an intimate way, in a way that you would never reveal yourself to any other person...[even] experience sexuality together."
[insert sex-train pun here]
May Their Love Never Be Brought Down: A Woman Marries the Berlin WallEija-Riitta Berliner-Mauer, whose surname means Berlin Wall in German, wed the Berlin Wall in 1979 after being diagnosed with a condition called Objectum-Sexuality. Was this REALLY the only prescription?
Berliner-Mauer says she fell in love with the structure when she first saw it on television at age seven, she refers to it as "he" and she collected his pictures until she could save up enough money to visit. On her sixth trip in 1979, they tied the knot before a handful of guests.
While she technically remains a virgin, she insists she has a full, loving relationship with the wall.
When the Berlin wall was brought down 1989, Berliner-Mauer was horrified as she watched her husband being brought down. She has not been back since and now keeps models depicting "his" former glory.
"What they did was awful. They mutilated my husband," she said. She has since been said to have shifted her affections to a nearby garden fence. So, because the wall doesn't look as good as it did in 1979, you're just gonna leave him for another rampart? Apparently, Berliner-Mauer partakes in sexual stimulation with this fence by rubbing herself on it... like a cat in heat.
Berliner-Mauer, said: "I find long, slim things with horizontal lines very sexy. The Great Wall of China's attractive, but he’s too thick – my husband is sexier."
There's nothing left to say after that really.
Game Over: A Man Marries a Video Game CharacterA man called Sal9000 (this story should really just be able to end after this, the guy's name) married Nene Anegasaki. Nene lives inside of a Nintendo DS video game called "Love Plus." The wedding was quite an event, carried out before a live audience and broadcast to a virtual one; the bride (who made a speech) and groom were married by a real human priest.
While normal people worry about growing apart, Sal9000 has to worry about the fact that the Nintendo DS is completely outdated at this point and Gamestop will not take returns on used equipment.
In the video above, a guy marries a video game.
Artist Tracey Emin Married a Rock/"Impressive Stone"At her 2016 exhibition in Hong Kong, UK artist Tracey Emin announced that she had married a rock. Excuse us, an "impressive stone." In her own words:
"The whole thing with the stone is - it's a big stone, right. It's in my garden, it's very nice and very impressive and I like it a lot. The other thing about the stone is that it could be quite monstrous and scary. Instead I saw it as a protection thing as opposed to a fearful thing. The other thing with the stone is it's not going anywhere. Even if there's the biggest tsunami in the whole world, the stone will probably still stay there. Maybe it's not a person. But maybe it's an anchor for me, something I can identify with. No matter how mad my life might be or what may happen that stone is stability and comfort."
To each their own!
The Ride of Her Life: A Woman Marries a Roller CoasterAmy Wolfe Weber is a church organist who comes from Pennsylvania, and she is married to a roller coaster. The husband in question is an 80ft gondola ride called 1001 Nachts. The 35-year-old woman said she first fell for the ride at the tender age of 13, "I was instantly attracted to him sexually and mentally. I wasn’t freaked out, as it just felt so natural, but I didn’t tell anyone about it because I knew it wasn’t ‘normal’ to have feelings for a fairground ride."
Amy had ridden the ride over 3,000 times before they were married, I guess that's her version of a normal courtship, she sleeps with a picture of the ride on her ceiling and carries spare nuts and bolts from it in her pocket, so that way they are always together.... just what you like to hear... a fair ride having "extra parts."
Amy claims they have a fulfilling physical and spiritual relationship, and she doesn't get jealous when other people ride her husband. Oh, and Weber is the name of the ride's manufacturer; Amy changed it after she was married.
The Architecture of Her Love: Woman Marries the Eiffel TowerErika Eiffel has had a love for objects since she was a little girl.
"I thought everyone had a connection to objects in one way or the other. It really wasn't until I saw that they were dating each other and I was dating a bridge, that I was different. I just went to school and pretended I was like everybody else," she said.
Her love of objects served her well; she became a world-class archer and won a $250,000 scholarship to the United States Air Force Academy, all thanks to her attraction to the F-15 fighter jet. She said when she saw the F-15 she thought, "I'd like to get to know this jet. Kind of like a guy goes to a bar and he sees a really nice-looking girl and he, he wants to go sit next to her, buy her a drink and get to know her more. Well, I kind of felt that way about the F-15."
However, her love of objects got her discharged from the Air Force, ridiculed by her peers, and abandonment by her family.
That's when she found true love, with the Eiffel Tower. "Her structure is just amazing. You know, she's got subtle, subtle curves, you know," that's how Eiffel describes her wife. Erika Eiffel participated in a commitment ceremony with the Eiffel Tower. "I will tell you that I know love is being reciprocated," Eiffel said. "I'm happy, I'm not hurting anyone, I'm not hurting myself, I'm not being held back. I love my life." C'est la vie!
I guess she really had to burn all her bridges to get to that point...
Talk About a Family Tree: Bollywood Actress Marries a TreeBollywood movie star and former Miss World Aishwarya Rai participated in an ancient Hindu ritual ceremony in which the bride spiritually marries a tree.
The ritual is allegedly to help overcome differences in the couple's astrological charts – disparities which traditional Hindus believe have negative consequences on marriage. Under this ancient belief, Rai is considered a 'manglik' because her chart bears the planet Mars, and she must be 'married' to a peepal tree, a banana tree or a silver or golden idol of the Hindu god Vishnu in order to overcome the devastating effects being a 'manglik' could have on her impending nuptials.
Rai was also hit with a lawsuit, so it didn't take away ALL bad luck; she faced a civil lawsuit for practicing the 'untouchability' service, which is associated with the caste system, because such ceremonies are in violation of the Indian constitution and are deemed offensive to women.