Object sexuality: heard of it? It's a syndrome that causes people to fall in love with objects and identify them as a gender, give them a name, and have what they believe is a fulfilling, loving, relationship with these items. Yes, you read that right: there are (at least 13) people in the world who have fallen in love with, and married, inanimate objects (and you thought your love life was complicated).
OS is defined as "a pronounced emotional and often romantic desire towards developing significant relationships with particular inanimate objects." Individuals with this expressed preference may feel strong feelings of attraction, love, and commitment to certain items or structures of their fixation. For others, sexual or even close emotional relationships with humans are incomprehensible and undesireable. Object-sexual individuals (people who enjoy the company of, and marry, inanimate objects) also often believe in animism, and sense reciprocation based on the belief that objects have souls, intelligence, feelings, and are able to communicate.
How many people have married inanimate objects? Can people marry pillows? You'll find out all you want to know about object sexuality, and maybe some things you don't want to know, in this list of people who married non-living things.
A Modern Mobile Fairy Tale: Man Marries His Smart Phone
Los Angeles filmmaker Aaron Chervenak claimed he wanted to make a point about the emotional connection people have with their phones, but he was probably just sick of his parents bothering him about finding a girlfriend. In the name of ~art~, Chervenak eloped with his phone to the Little Las Vegas Chapel.
He explained, "If we’re gonna be honest with ourselves, we connect with our phones on so many emotional levels. We look to it for solace, to calm us down, to put us to sleep, to ease our minds, and to me, that’s also what a relationship is about. In a sense, my smartphone has been my longest relationship." What a catch.
He Choo Choo Chooses It: Man Marries Steam Engine Train
Joachim A has a thing for the inner workings of technical objects, which is great since he works as a repair man... but not so great for his spouse, a steam locomotive.
"A love affair could very well begin with a broken radiator," Joachim says, "Repair jobs have often led to infidelity in the past." But they always seem to plow through it and stay together somehow.
He stresses that people like him (the people on this list) aren't just fetishists. "For some people, their car becomes a fetish which they use to put themselves in the limelight. For the objectum-sexual, on the other hand, the car itself – and nothing else – is the desired sexual partner, and all sexual fantasies and emotions are focused on it."
Needless to say, this guy loves to fix things.
He realized he had a "thing" for things when he was 12. He's currently 45. He loves his train like he would a person, according to him: "you can reveal yourself to an object partner in an intimate way, in a way that you would never reveal yourself to any other person...[even] experience sexuality together."
[insert sex-train pun here]
May Their Love Never Be Brought Down: A Woman Marries the Berlin Wall
Eija-Riitta Berliner-Mauer, whose surname means Berlin Wall in German, wed the Berlin Wall in 1979 after being diagnosed with a condition called Objectum-Sexuality. Was this REALLY the only prescription?
Berliner-Mauer says she fell in love with the structure when she first saw it on television at age seven, she refers to it as "he" and she collected his pictures until she could save up enough money to visit. On her sixth trip in 1979, they tied the knot before a handful of guests.
While she technically remains a virgin, she insists she has a full, loving relationship with the wall.
When the Berlin wall was brought down 1989, Berliner-Mauer was horrified as she watched her husband being brought down. She has not been back since and now keeps models depicting "his" former glory.
"What they did was awful. They mutilated my husband," she said. She has since been said to have shifted her affections to a nearby garden fence. So, because the wall doesn't look as good as it did in 1979, you're just gonna leave him for another rampart? Apparently, Berliner-Mauer partakes in sexual stimulation with this fence by rubbing herself on it... like a cat in heat.
Berliner-Mauer, said: "I find long, slim things with horizontal lines very sexy. The Great Wall of China's attractive, but he’s too thick – my husband is sexier."
There's nothing left to say after that really.
Game Over: A Man Marries a Video Game Character
A man called Sal9000 (this story should really just be able to end after this, the guy's name) married Nene Anegasaki. Nene lives inside of a Nintendo DS video game called "Love Plus." The wedding was quite an event, carried out before a live audience and broadcast to a virtual one; the bride (who made a speech) and groom were married by a real human priest.
While normal people worry about growing apart, Sal9000 has to worry about the fact that the Nintendo DS is completely outdated at this point and Gamestop will not take returns on used equipment.
In the video above, a guy marries a video game.