13 Things Sex Toys Should Not Have Been Confused With

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Pictured: A Place That Almost Got Blown Up By a D***o

While digging for recyclables in the Capetown Dump in South Africa, two women heard something vibrating (spoiler alert: it's a vibrator) and, being sure it was a bomb, rushed to tell the dump's manager.

The funniest part of that article is the Adolf Hansen's (the manager's) almost gleeful explanation of the event: he brags that he's seen vibrators "more than once" and that the one in question is only "middle sized."

We don't often get a chance to say this, but "good for you, Adolf."

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In 2003 mother of three Joanne Webb faced criminal charges in Texas for hosting events called "Passion Parties" where she would sell Sex-Toys from her home.

Why was it illegal?

Because in Texas, to get around their obscenity laws, sex-toy shops need to post a sign somewhere that says "Sold as Novelties". Joanne, who wanted to create a safe and comfortable place for people to purchase these "marital aids" didn't do that.

Eventually, the case was thrown out and the law repealed.

Next time someone tells you that sex-toys are inherently evil in the eyes of God, tell them about this guy: after twenty three years as a minister, Marc Angenent decided that his true calling was sex therapy and promptly opened his own Christian-Themed Sex-Toy Website.

As a trained sex-therapist, Angenant now helps everyone he can achieve a satisfying sex-life by explaining to them that God doesn't mind if married people want to bone. Though he gets some angry emails, he's quick to insist that God hasn't sent him any.

Some thief got a (pleasant?) surprise when he or she opened up the two suitcases he stole from a flat in the UK last May and discovers they're full of 11,000 Pounds worth of sex toys. The police statement included:

"It would be quite difficult for the thieves to sell on these items in any great quantity and so we would ask people to be on the lookout for these suitcases should the thieves have dumped them."

The suitcases contained 400 toys, way more than anyone could reasonably need…. Right? We understand the basic human urge for novelty and diversity, but this seems a bit overboard. It is overboard, right? No one could possibly need that many sex toys?
Did we just accidentally admit that our sex lives are really boring?

(We included a picture of Munich instead of the silicon sex doll because Munich isn't trying to eye-f**k you all the way from the hellish depths of Uncanny Valley.)

Back in 2002, someone in Munich called the cops on their neighbor because they thought the man was bringing home a corpse. When the police arrived, they "disturbed him as he was acquainting himself with his recent purchase," which is German for "we walked in on him while he was having sex with a silicon person."

No word on whether the guy who called the cops ever apologized for being basically the worst neighbor ever.