true stories 13 Things Sex Toys Should Not Have Been Confused With  

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Sex is pretty rad, and we're not the type to point at anything and say that you shouldn't be allowed to put it… you know… inside yourself.

But still, sex toys have gotten so diverse that you can't help but wonder what kind of confusion this has created. Right? Other people were wondering this, right? Because we had to dig through some pretty horrifying stuff to bring you this list and we felt pretty awkward the whole time so you damn well better appreciate it.

Here are a bunch of hilarious stories of Sex-Toy confusion. But what are somethings that sex toys should not be confused with? Take a look and see for yourself.

A Burglar

A Burglar is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list 13 Things Sex Toys Should Not Have Been Confused With
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After hearing a strange noise in his basement, a man in Bochum, Germany called the police to inform them that someone was drilling their way into his basement.

Of course, it wasn't -- it was just a vibrator that had rolled against a pipe and had been turned to a high enough setting to make the tiles in the German man's kitchen shake. Meaning that was one hell of a vibrator.

Murder Weapons

Murder Weapons is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list 13 Things Sex Toys Should Not Have Been Confused With
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After finding the above room in an abandoned bunker in Norway, two fisherman promptly reported to the police that they had discovered a "crime scene."

Considering that these two men saw silk sheets and d***os and thought "something horrible must have happened here!" we're going to go ahead and assume that they have the most boring sex-lives ever.

Sorry, Norwegian Fishermen. We sympathize. Maybe you should try visiting your relatives in Canada, because…

Canadian Money

Canadian Money is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list 13 Things Sex Toys Should Not Have Been Confused With
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Before the implementation of Canada's new plastic $100 bill, officials brought in testers to check over the bills for anything that might look controversial -- which is actually a pretty good call. If we had done so in America, we would've avoided the well-known American monetary disaster where George Washington on the $1 is giving you a look like he's just asked you if you want to drive out to Shady Point and hang out in his parked car or a while.

Being Canadian, however, instead of seeing sexual predators they claimed that the bills depicted a woman's body:

And anal beads:

Which… what? We don't see that at all. This just makes us wonder why Canadian women are so strangely shaped and why they're getting so needlessly complicated with the configuration of things they're planning on putting up their own asses.

Something That is a TSA Agent's Business

Something That is a TSA Agent'... is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list 13 Things Sex Toys Should Not Have Been Confused With
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There's a thin line between professionalism and sexual harassment, and in this case… wait a minute, that line's not thin at all. The distinction should be painfully clear, right? Like, on one side, you are (for example) gently and tastefully perusing the personal belongings of someone's luggage because it's your job to make sure everything is safe, and in the other case you're leaving harassing messages in someone's bag after you find their d***o.

After suggesting that a total stranger "get her freak on," the TSA agent in question was crushed under a barrage of loose luggage and eaten by gremlins. Maybe. Or he totally got away with it. We're not sure, we just really want the gremlins thing to happen, because f**k this guy.