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13 Things You Should NEVER Google

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List Criteria: The most disgusting things you can type into Google.

Horrible news: the Internet isn't all cute cats and viral videos. Oh, no. It's full of shock sites with very scary, gross, outrageous, disturbing, explicit, disgusting, offensive, horrible, upsetting, and otherwise gruesome imagery that people are frequently tricked into searching for on Google. If you're sitting there thinking "what should I Google," be sure you read through this list first, and help yourself avoid landing on any gross websites that you didn't even know you weren't mentally prepared for.

Spend any amount of time on sites like Fark or Reddit, or Internet forums, and you'll inevitably encounter suggestions that you search for some of the following terms, most of which sound largely innocent when judged by the names. But trust me... DON'T GOOGLE THEM (unless you turn on "safe search" first, that is). Most of these things, once seen, can never be unseen. From shock video sites and the worst shock sites, the Internet is a scary  You've been warned...

NOTE: This page will remain SFW and informative only. Should your curiosity overcome you and you wish to actually see some of these terrible things, make sure you disable safe search on Google, and... um... happy hunting?
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  1. 8

    Harlequin Fetus

    Harlequin Fetus is listed (or ranked) 8 on the list 13 Things You Should NEVER Google
    Photo: user uploaded image
    Admittedly, if someone tells you to Google any term with the word "fetus" right there in it, you can sort of tell they're up to no good. But this is extreme, even by "fetal photo" standards. The term refers to a baby born with the congenital skin disease ichthyosis. By thickening the layer of keratin in a fetus' skin, it causes rough diamond-shaped "scales" to appear, limiting the infant's movement and making it susceptible to all sorts of infections. The disorder is always fatal, and typically infants born suffering from severe ichthyosis don't survive for more than a few days. Most of the gross out internet things on this list can be fun to trick people into viewing, but harlequin fetuses are incredibly depressing. 
  2. 7

    Blue Waffle

    Blue Waffle is listed (or ranked) 7 on the list 13 Things You Should NEVER Google
    Photo: Imgur
    This is one of those cases where, if you search with Google's "Safe Search" mode enabled, you will simply get some pictures of blueberry waffles and a few weird PhotoShopped images of actual blue waffles. But turn "Safe Search" off and grab hold of something, because you're about to get a lesson in severe vaginal infections!

    In March of 2010, a photo of what appears to be a woman's severely infected vagina appeared on the Internet. Though it could potentially be an advanced, particularly gruesome form of vaginitis, there has been significant speculation that the image is a fraud and part of an Internet hoax. (No actual women have come forward to "claim" the photo, and it has yet to appear in any sort of reputable medical or scientific journal). Regardless of whether the image is real or not, it's still super gross and you definitely shouldn't look it up. 
  3. 6

    Kids in a Sandbox

    Kids in a Sandbox is listed (or ranked) 6 on the list 13 Things You Should NEVER Google
    Photo: user uploaded image
    Yet another sexually explicit shock video with an innocent-sounding (even pleasant) title. The Internet just can't seem to get enough of them.

    This video opens with a woman pleasuring a man with her hand. So far, so not-permanently-scarring. But then things take a turn. The woman takes out a large vibrator and begins to forcibly place it inside the man's penis. Yeah, there, I said it. Aren't you glad you just had to read the words and not actually come face-to-face with this imagery via the magic of Internet search?
  4. 5

    Mr. Hands

    Mr. Hands is listed (or ranked) 5 on the list 13 Things You Should NEVER Google
    Photo: user uploaded image
    "Mr. Hands" is the professional name of one Kenneth Pinyan, a former Boeing engineer who died in 2005 after receiving anal sex from a horse. The act was intentional, though it eventually led to the perforation of Pinyan's colon and his eventual death. It was also being videotaped by Pinyan's friend. The incident led to the immediate passage of a bill in Pinyan's home state of Washington, prohibiting both sex with animals and the videotaping thereof.

    Pinyan's death photo is not readily available online, but there are previous videos made by Pinyan and his associates widely distributed under the name "Mr. Hands." (See, I brought it all back around.) If you'd like to learn more about the case but in a more artistic way, it is the subject of the actual documentary film "Zoo," which debuted at the 2007 Sundance Film Festival.
  5. 4

    Eel Girl

    Eel Girl is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list 13 Things You Should NEVER Google
    Photo: user uploaded image
    Not the first bestiality-themed video to make this list, but probably the most horrifying. A video alternatingly known as "Eel Girl," "Eel Girls" and, most troublingly of all, "Eel Soup," features a duet of Japanese women and a large collection of eels. One of the women uses a funnel to insert the eels into the other's anus, and then eats them after they are expunged.

    Filmmaker Paul Campion made a legitimate short horror movie called "Eel Girl" in 2008, about a scientist who obsesses about the half-eel/half-woman creature he's studying. This is already succeeding at driving the "other" Eel Girl down the Google results, which can only be seen as a good thing for unsuspecting searchers. So in the aid of that effort, here's Campion's movie.

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  6. 3

    Tub Girl

    Tub Girl is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list 13 Things You Should NEVER Google
    Photo: user uploaded image
    Tub Girl is arguably the most infamous image on the Internet, a title it shares with the entry in the #2 spot. It stars an overweight Japanese woman wearing a mask. She's projecting diarrhea into the air, and as we all learned from Galileo or maybe Isaac Newton or somebody... what goes up inevitably comes down. In this case, all over poor poor Tub Girl. Some have suggested, due to the orange-ish discoloration of the excrement, that it may contain materials other than human f***s. If you would like to know more details about this controversy, please get off the Internet for a while and do something else. You've had quite enough for now.
  7. 2
    goatse.cx is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list 13 Things You Should NEVER Google
    Photo: Laurence Simon (Crap Mariner)/Flickr
    The vile picture that in many ways defines the "shock site" craze, the image hosted at Goatse.cx (commonly referred to simply as "Goatse") features a naked man stretching out his anus using both hands, and making the interior of his rectum fully visible. The image (which originally was uploaded with the filename happy.jpg) has become so well-known and recognizable, any combination of two hands surrounding a circle has become a kind of Internet shorthand for it. In other words, we're likely doomed as a species.
  8. 1
    Hungry Bitches is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list 13 Things You Should NEVER Google
    Photo: user uploaded image
    2 Girls 1 Cup is actually a trailer for a 2007 Brazilian fetish-themed pornographic film called "Hungry bitches." The clip features - just as the pseudonym implies - 2 women alternatingly defecating into a cup and then consuming said excrement. Like "4 Girls Finger Paint," they also manage to work some vomit in there, just so no one feels left out. By the Fall of 2007, the footage was simply everywhere online, and it helped to kick off the popular trend of "reaction videos" on YouTube, where people would film themselves trying to watch "2 Girls 1 Cup" and recording their disgust. Possibly for the benefit of future generations.

    For fun, here's Kermit the Frog checking the video out:



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