G Options B Comments & Embed
- 1+ 87- 13
Deputy Chief Hardy: "You forgot to read him his Miranda rights. Do you even know the Miranda rights?"
Jenko: "It obviously goes something like... you have the right to remain... an attorney."
Deputy Chief Hardy: "Did you just say you have the right to be an attorney?"
Schmidt: "You do have the right to be an attorney, if you want to..."
If Deputy Chief Hardy looks familiar, he should: That's Nick Offerman, aka Ron Swanson from NBC's 'Parks and Recreation.' How could this movie NOT be hilarious with Offerman on board?
- 2+ 30- 7
Punching Your Genital Area
Thug: "You guys even real cops? You look like kids on Halloween."
Jenko: "Hey! You want me to beat your d*ck off?"
Thug: "You want to beat my d*ck off?"
Jenko: "I'll beat your d*ck off with both hands, let's go!"
Thug: "That's weird man."
Schmidt: "I think what he was trying to say was he's gonna punch you so many times around the genital area that your d*ck is just gonna fall off. Is that clear?"
Ah, the first big bust for Jenko and Schmidt: A group of biker thugs hanging out in an area park...yay! Jenko's unfortunate choice of words, however, threatens to take things in a whole different direction. Luckily, Schmidt's there to explain.
- 3+ 16- 8
Justin Bieber Muthas
Captain Dickson: "You are here because you some Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus lookin' muthas..."
Captain Dickson (Ice Cube) heads up the Jump Street division of the police department, and he's definitely not one to mess with. It's his job, God help him, to oversee Jenko and Schmidt on their undercover assignment.
- 4+ 13- 6
I Got Stabbed?
Schmidt: "When did I get stabbed?! That's awesome!"
Schmidt and Jenko break another rule: the one about giving alcohol to minors. At a wild party, Schmidt gets stabbed - and, in his effed up state, he thinks it's hilarious! Yep, these two fit in perfectly well as idiotic high school students.
- 5+ 13- 8
Punched Kid Nervous Breakdown
Principal Dadier (to Jenko and Schmidt): "I am one more 'black gay kid getting punched in the face' away from a nervous breakdown. Do I make myself clear?"
Principal Dadier (Jake M. Johnson) has just about had enough. Jenko and Schmidt get called to his office after Jenko punches out a student, who just happens to be gay.
- 6+ 9- 5
Not So Slim Shady
Jenko: "Not So Slim Shady, what's up? I haven't seen you since high school..."
Ah, high school: Chances are, Jenko's memories of those days are much more pleasant than nerdy Schmidt, who tried really hard to rock the Eminem/Slim Shady look back in the day.
- 7+ 8- 4
Chests and Tests
Ms. Griggs (to Jenko): "Let me check out your chest -- Let me check out your test."
One of the big rules Captain Dickson lays out for Jenko and Schmidt: Don't sleep with students OR teachers. Teacher Ms. Griggs (the hilarious Ellie Kemper) might make it hard for Jenko to stick to the rules...
- 8+ 7- 5
Mr. Waters: "You have exceptional muscle tone, young man. When did you go through puberty? Like at seven or something?"
Mr. Waters is right to question Jenko's "exceptional muscle tone" - the guy looks like he's 30 years old, at least. And it's Channing Tatum, who's abs rival those of Taylor Lautner. Or anyone.