- 1+ 538- 459
Deformed Off-Brand Barbie Knock-Offs
- 2+ 705- 692
RoseArt Crayons: The Worst Crayons in the World
If you had these crayons, then your parents didn't love you. You know what's impossible to do with these? Make a straight line. You can't do it. Since the crayons are only capable of leaving random wax stains carelessly in their inconsistent path, if you've ever told anyone you've made a straight line using a RoseArt crayon, then you are a liar. A liar and a fraud. Just like each and every single RoseArt crayon ever made.
Ugh, and don't even get me started on the RoseArt paints. They never even worked!
- 3+ 489- 549
Pencils With No Erasers. When is That Ever MORE Convenient?
Unless your kid's out there keeping track of people's golfing, there's absolutely no reason for anyone to ever have a pencil with no eraser on it. Ever.
- 4+ 429- 503
$1 Pool Tables With Instantly-Breaking Spring Mechanisms
- 5+ 386- 464
Off-Brand Action Figure Knock-Offs
- 6+ 406- 493
Cheap Frisbees That Clearly Came From Some Work Event
- 7+ 431- 528
MegaBlocks, Because They Were NOT LEGOs. They Weren't Even Duplos.
- 8+ 391- 531
Mexican Ball Toy... Okay This One Was Cool.
- 9+ 384- 584
Those Fishing Sets With the Magnet-Mouthed Fish
- 10+ 302- 495
GoBots aka The Lame Transformers
- 11+ 311- 519
Actual TIGER Handheld Games
Sure, you asked for them, and yes, all your friends had them, but really, any loving responsible parent should've known to buy their child a Game Boy.
Yes, Game Boys were super expensive and these were popular because they were super affordable, but imagine a world in which any video game characters could only move to 3 different places on the screen and had an action-range of 3 things (jumping, kicking, punching).
- 12+ 275- 467
Knock-Off Pogoballs aka Pogo Death Traps
Death traps. Not only were the balls harder, so it'd be easy for the things slip out on the wrong kind of floor, but it'd really just kind of make them into inconvenient pogo sticks themselves.These things weren't as much of a toy as they were a challenge. "Get this to work."
- 13+ 277- 475
Really Obscure Characters of the Name-Brand Action Figures
They were the only ones left on the shelves, and you always had at least two duplicates of them in your toy bin for some reason. Probably because none of your friends wanted theirs either so they'd leave them at your place, burdening you with yet another side-character with lost weapons and attachments.
I swear to God I was a happy child, but in retrospect, a lot of these things annoyed me.
- 14+ 274- 477
Knock-Off TIGER Games
Don't even get me started on actual TIGER games, but if you didn't even get those and got the cheaper knockoffs, then you were doing at least two of these things:1. Spending most of the time figuring out whether or not "hitting" an enemy was actually doing anything.2. Convincing yourself that multiple button combinations were even a thing.3. Pressing the buttons until one of them actually worked and learning that Hulk Hogan only punches when you press 'Punch' really hard three times.
- 15+ 244- 430
One of These Terrifying Imitation Glo-Worms
I mean a Glo-Worm toy in of itself is a terrifying, horrible, weird-ass creature to begin with, but when you bastardize it and make it look more human, not only does it add an unnecessary level of reality to the whole situation of your children sleeping with bioluminescent insects, but the humanoid nature of these knock-offs (why do they need hair?) make them seem like a Dr. Moreau-style science experiment gone wrong.
- 16+ 298- 545
Learning Toys -- Because Learning Isn't Fun
Nobody ever wants to learn when they're little, even though they're constantly doing it, if you know you're learning it ruins the fun.
- 17+ 212- 393
Popoids aka Not-LEGOs with Eyelashes
- 18+ 202- 396
This Laser Sword That Would Break Like Rock Candy Whenever You Actually Hit Stuff With It
- 19+ 185- 386
Wacky Wall Walkers aka The Vending Machine Consolation Prize For Not Getting A Toyv
- 20+ 202- 424
Notebook Games: Good Intentions, Horrible Results
Nobody ever played through and finished an entire game with one of these. Nobody. And if you did, you didn't have fun, but really if you did, you're lying. Because nobody had fun with these potentially-awesome-in-concept, pricey things.
Note to parents everywhere: FIELD-TEST your kids' toys. This will save much inconvenience and heartbreak.
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