Insane Karate Dog Jump Kicks Toddler on Wheels
First of all, I had absolutely no idea that dogs had the ability to perform jump kicks with no training. It took me years of watching Kung Fu movies to finally be able to pull one off. After getting back from the hospital later that night, I decided it was something best left for professionals. Luckily, this dog is a professional.
There's a cat, a vibrating toy taunting it and finally, a child wipes across the screen. This dog as had enough and it's the kid's turn to pay.
If you notice, the dog doesn't even care about the other things it was chasing, it just wanted to let everyone know that there are consequences for the over-stimulation he was going through... and someone needed to foot the bill.
Owned at the BuzzervThe way this clip unfolds is nothing less than cinematic, no, completely and utterly miraculous. You see the little tyke run around the court as if it were nothing, but it's actually a clever foreshadowing of events to come.
Then you have the player with the ball, who like any basketball player wants to chuck the ball full court at the buzzer for a possible extra three points that will get him laid for the rest of his life, but that never works out.
Fate then decides to intervene as the ball sails and misses any part of the basket at all, combines with the mystical power of the universe and collides with the toddler's skull for an amazing finish.
Roll credits and pass in your 3D glasses, because this insane movie of an event is over. Insane.
Worst. Slide. Ever.vParents should just show kids this video when they're trying to teach them to just do what they say.
Either that, or the terribly British parents in this video should really do a better job at communicating the gravity of exactly how crappy of a slide they bought their kid, "Edward."
When Edward climbs the slide, his father says "Edward, don't jump... you'll hurt yourself," but Edward of course does the opposite, and falls not off, but through the slide.
Probably also a parenting fail because this slide was apparently made of either construction paper or was sabotaged by a rival baby.
Little Kid Gets Kicked in the Face by Trampoline JumpervFirst of all, this guy clearly knows what he's doing. He's practicing his trampoline skills, flipping, jumping and picking up momentum with every single jump. He's going to show the world who he is and he doesn't care who knows it.
Until a little girl comes along.
She hangs off the trampoline and apparently has no sense of consequence. The person video taping the whole thing decides that this is a safe place for a little girl.
Everyone watching at home is tense as soon as she shows up.
The little kid starts hanging off the trampoline as if there's not a guy exerting himself and picking up hundreds of pounds of force in the process. The guy actually performs a fail so hard that even if the little girl were not there, this video would be an amazing thing to watch.
He flips upside down and lands feet first OFF of the trampoline. Luckily, there was a little girl there to break his fall. Looks like he'll live to jump another day.
Laser PWNedvYou have a dog, a laser pointer, and a crotch. Then you have a dad or older brother guiding that laser pointer around the room in a way that's making the dog want to catch it.
Where does the laser pointer finally settle? A small child's crotch. Hilarity ensues.
Secret Cat OWNS Child, A ClassicvThis infant just wants to use his new found powers of walking and go on a stroll through the garden, but he forgot one important thing: this is the cat's f*cking garden.
And the cat's been waiting for this day, and is 100% ready for it.
Natural Selection Diligently at WorkvThis kid has the genius idea of looking right down the barrel of his paintball gun to see why it's jammed.
In his defense, this very well might have happened before the days where YouTube taught us better lessons than the Darwin Awards have.
Whatever the problem with his gun was, it was waiting for him. This is why you make your kids watch Bugs Bunny cartoons when they're little (or "raise" them), so stuff like this doesn't happen.
Also, evolution is clearly trying to tell this kid something and it's screaming its message.
Tire Swing Battering RamvThe best part of seeing kids go flying is just that. Their little bodies require almost no power to sail into the air like a ragdoll, and this clip is no different as this kid's guardian (intentionally?) throws a tire swing full of kids at the young boy, and he flies back a good 10-15ft.
And you thought that lady tossing her CGI baby around for "Yoga" purposes was bad.
If only we could invent some sort of shuffleboard type game out of this.
Skateboard Catapult. What Could Go Wrong?vThis is another very obvious setup of a kid, a basketball, and a skateboard. His intention is to catapult the ball into the hoop by way of stepping on the opposite side of the board, but doesn't realize that it puts his face right in the target area.
He jumps on, and gets a face full of ball, as expected, delivering a self-pwn that will forever illustrate exactly why he's still working at a Kinko's when he's 30.
Soccer Ball to the FacevWhen an adult gets hit with a soccer (or any other) ball to the face, itÃÂ¢ÃÂÃÂs funny, but when a small child gets rocked in the face, that small body is taking off. This clip is a perfect example, as this little girl is lifted off her feet in a beautiful arch of hilarity.
At Least They Aren't Doing This with Knife ThrowingvWill the shooter actually have the accuracy to pop the can off of the other kid's head without doing permanent eye damage? No, this is YouTube, where paintballs gravitate to pre-teens' heads like I do to strip clubs. That kid is undoubtedly getting shot in the face, and the best part is that right before it happens, and even after the kid says "you better not miss", someone behind the camera whispers exactly what all of us are thinking under his breath:
"This is a dumb idea."
The smartest person in any of these videos is always behind the camera.
Kid + Trampoline + Skateboard + Testicles = PainvKids get hurt on trampolines, and kids always get hurt on skateboards, so this boy on his trampoline with his skate deck is pretty much screwed.
He's trying to pull off an Ollie or some other trick out of his range (read: any trick), and when the board somehow comes down vertically, his expression pretty much says it all. And if that doesn't say it all for you, the times that they play this video again in slowmo will.
Weird fact: somebody, most likely the kid's friends/brothers/parents, but somebody close to these kids cuts these things together, edits them, then puts them on YouTube. Let's all hope we don't have these kinds of friends out there.
Innocent Child vs. Vindictive ParentsEveryone has been subjected to the infamous "Screamer" images, which, in case you weren't around in the early 2000s/late 90s, consist of a still image or otherwise serene video that is all of a sudden interrupted by a scream and horribly startling picture of a demon or a witch or a naked Rosie O'Donnell (no, really, I got that one once... I see it every time I close my eyes now.)
Passive aggressive parents would film their kids as they subjected them to these horrible videos, and then wondered why they wouldn't stop wetting the bed. The reaction of this kid is great as he actually tries to shove the screen away from him to escape because, obviously, the demon is going to eat him.
Isn't there a list of bad parents on this site? Let's throw these parents in there.
Fat Kid Balancing on Rock vs. Friends with Paintball GunsvJohn Michael here just wants to make a video of himself in the forest in New York (I didn't know that existed either), but his "friend" has a more interesting idea: that's right, more paintballs.
First of all (even though something has already been said), make a mental note as to what NOT to get your kids for Christmas and/or their birthdays.
When this happened it would not have been so funny if it were not for the screaming and screeching as John screams empty threats to the shooter from the middle of the river while he just keeps getting shot.
Admit it, you'd shoot him again at that point too.
BONUS: It's a fat kid trying to balance himself on a rock.
Giant Ball Knocks Little Girl OvervThe big yellow ball in this clip is just begging to be shot into that little girlâs head, and what do you know, we get our wish. The mother hurls it at the girl maybe a little harder than she intended, and that girl doesnât just drop, she dives head first into the grass, which is just great.
Dog TacklevThe dog in this clip wants to play, but he goes about it wrong by tackling the unaware child into the wall. The odd part is that the person/parent holding the camera makes no effort to see if the kid is okay, but instead keeps it rolling to see if there's any more action to put up on youtube.
Submission for worst kinds of parents of all time: YouTube Parents.
Dance Dance OWNED, An Internet ClassicvIn more undeniable proof that kids don't really "consider" the world around them, we have this clip, where a very skilled street dance crew is showing off all their hard work for some onlookers, and this little girl just runs right into the middle of it all and gets booted in the head so hard that she pulls off a few aerial moves of her own. Like, serious moves. Like, 12-button combos in Mortal Kombat serious.
This is a YouTube classic and one of the inspirations for this list. If you haven't seen this, it's one of the greatest videos in the history of the internet.
Seriously, though, this kid gets thrown offscreen like a side character they can't kill off yet in a Joss Whedon show.
Kid Severely Overestimates Jumping Prowess, Self OWNvThis kid is ready for the water.
He's got his floaties, his little bathing suit, and he's even holding his nose so he doesn't get water in it.
What he doesn't have is good depth perception, because his jump lands him a good meter (they're German, they use meters, bare with me) in front of his intended target, no doubt skidding his knees so much that he can't even go in the pool at all.
Karate Cat OWNs Little KidvAs previously stated, cats HATE children, mostly for taking all the attention off of their kitty needs.
This cat almost wants to put up with the kid, but if there's one thing a kid will always mess with, it's a cat's patience and, more importantly, tail. After Mittens has had enough of the pulling and the grubby little hands, he fights back with a flurry of clawless paw punches worthy of most arcade fighting games.
The best part is the expression on the kid, who really has no idea what just happened.
Spin Dance OWNEDvIn what is one of the oldest, best and most perfectly hilarious videos (this video is really like a classic fine dining dish of kid ownage videos), a Turkish man who is a skilled dancer is performing for an audience.
He is pulling of spin after spin after spin until a random toddler comes in from out of nowhere with little to absolutely no regard for his surroundings (or what we like to call "The Toddler M.O.") and gets wiped clean off his feet and onto the ground by skilled dancer who was picking up speed with each kick and now has to spend more time working up to that speed.
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