Hot Girl Gets Lots of Attention for Selling a Date with Herself, The World Explodes
You've probably heard of the story of Sarah Spain, the girl whose parents named her to become what she looks like she's good for (stripping, porn... I mean business and finance...)
Sarah Spain is a HUGE Bears fan (da Bears), like bigger than her bra size big. She's, of course, from Los Angeles and decided that she'd post an eBay auction where she offered to be some poor schlub's awkward date to the Superbowl (because anyone that has to buy a date to the Superbowl is obviously going to be, unfortunately, waaay out of her league.)
The cool part is she already had a place to stay AND a plane ticket. All she needed was just some guy lonely enough to have bought two Superbowl tickets for himself and that girlfriend that, somehow, still doesn't "exist."
After all kinds of douche nozzles were bidding all kinds of money to probably eventually have this girl's back-skin as part of their newest lampshade, the king of (and supplier to) most douches came in and saved the day...
Axe Body Spray.
They saw that this girl had enough "talent" to not only earn herself four 50-Yard-Line tickets for her and her buddies, but enough to use her as a contest they would run. The contest? Win a date with her to the Superbowl.
Now THAT makes a lot more sense. Well played, Axe.
So, some guy ended up winning, and was apparently a huge jerk to the girls and would refuse to go buy them beers (even though their hotness is what got him there in the first place.)
Sarah ended up hosting and modeling in a bunch of commercials, because that's what you do when you're hot as hell, talentless, lucky, and in Los Angeles.
Troy Polamalu Look-Alike Offers to Have Sex With Your Wife
First off, let's be honest, from a female perspective (if you're into guys who look like Blanka from Street Fighter) Troy Polamalu is a great looking dude: Troy Polamalu, with his gorgeous locks that cascade down his well-chiseled body and bounce seductively around the number on his jersey, is fine as hell. That's simply the truth of the matter... If you're into guys who look like they're the seemingly-impossible battles Jean-Claude Van Damme can't possibly beat but ends up doing so anyway at the last moment against all odds.
Anyway, there's this guy who looks like Troy Polamalu. And women probably go nuts over him. But this guy has become a John Mayer level douchebag (and hero to many a male throughout the world b/c c'mon, this is ballsy) by putting out an ad for him to "bang your wife" for Superbowl tickets.
Okay. This is a double doozy, which is why it gets first billing.
There's an arguably attractive man that decided to sell his body for Superbowl tickets on one hand. And think about how insanely ballsy this is – the specifications go "WIFE," not girlfriend. SO if things go horribly, then a marriage is being ruined for the sake of giving up tickets to the big game, not a random relationship, a MARRIAGE.
On the other hand, we have the worst husband in the world. The wife REALLY has to be in on it (or severely unhappy anyway) in order for this to work out for anyone.
So the worst part is that not only are two bodies being sold here, but one is being sold by someone that doesn't "own" one of them. Selling your life mate up the river for Superbowl tickets? Jesus.
Also, this guy is willing to pretty much be your slave for these things, which means stuff's going to be missing from your house whenever he comes over.
ALSO, may I point out that someone as dumb as this guy probably isn't well-versed in protection, and well, when he's in there banging your wife, she's going to get chlamydia, AIDS, syphilis, 12 yeast infections (that's right, 12; it's science, look it up), gonorrhea, and then she is going to die.
The specimen in question posted the ad pictured below, and to add insult to injury, threw in "bang your wife" with other items like "fix your pipes," and "clean your house for a year."
These, of course, are euphemisms.
He's willing to do a bunch of other stuff in there that's a lot more reasonable and makes a lot more sense, but nobody in their right mind would give up their wife, as well as probably two days worth of housework for $2000. When does anyone give housekeepers $1,000 a day?
What an idiot... and a legend.
Here is the actual text of the ad:
I have a problem. I NEED to go to the Superbowl but I can't afford the $2000 ticket. What do I have to offer otherwise? Myself.
-I can fix your pipes.
-Shovel your snow for a year.
-Repair your computer.
-Drive your kids around.
-Entertain you by performing a stupid dare.
-Bang your wife.
-Clean your house for a year
YOU NAME IT I CAN DO IT (I won't cut my hair or kill anyone). I just need you to give me your Superbowl ticket.
Email me with your offer and you can have your very own Troy Polamalu look alike!
Jennifer Gordon Sells Ad Space on Her Pregnant Stomach for Tickets
Jennifer Gordon was eight months pregnant, a diehard Bears fan, desperate for tickets to Superbowl XLI, and entirely willing to auction off her pregnant belly in order to get to the big game.
An unusual ploy, but the whole operation panned out beautifully.
Gordon casually posted a creepy ad that feels vaguely like it belongs in the tawdry parts of craigslist.
The ad was titled "My body for Your Super Bowl Tickets," and got nearly 200 offers, many of them of which she dubbed "X-rated" (which must have been shocking for all parties involved, because who would have expected that from the Internet?)
She ended up choosing a Chicago-based company called Ubid.com, and on game day, proudly wore an extra sexy belly shirt to show off the goods.
You've gotta give her credit for effectiveness... she got seats on the 50 yard line, and she looks pretty damn in shape in those sweet kicks.
Sometimes, hot chicks, even pregnant ones, get whatever they want. And by sometimes, I mean every day. You should sign up to become one today!
Woman Sells Night with Her to Buy Tickets for Her Fiancee
So this woman immediately makes it clear that she is "not selling sex!" and that she needs the tickets in order to impress her fiancee.
However, she offers "a night with ME for Superbowl tickets" on Craigslist, and further comments, "Hell, if I am drunk enough ... and you are cute enough ... maybe we will hit it off and be romantic."
Which will probably impress the hell out of her fiancee, if he ever finds out, so much so that he won't go near her again.
This is confusing, though: On one hand she's a classy girl and simply won't bang some random guy to take her fiancee to the Superbowl, yet, on the other hand, she's posting on Craigslist and making it clear that she's easy when she's having just a little bit of fun and is full of expensive booze.
She finishes her post by saying that the tryst would have to be a "secret" because she wouldn't want her fiancee to find out how she got the ticket.
Because that's what losing your Superbowl tickets is worth, a night with a probably mediocre-looking girl and the looming suspicion that, at any moment in your life, someone will come busting through your door in a jealous rage wielding an ax.
Man Actually Offers His Left Nut for Superbowl Tickets
My main question for this gentleman is, what the hell good is your testicle to someone else?
I mean, can they even medically reattach that gland to replace someone else's? After several calls to specialists (not really) we have come to realize that this simply isn't a feasible option for those in need of a testicle. The man was desperate for Super Bowl XLIV tickets, desperate enough even to list his blood type, and advertise his "goods" as "well maintained" and "larger than average."
But beware, the lister emphatically states "No Perverts!!!!!" with five exclamation points.
Should have thought of that BEFORE YOU POSTED AN AD FOR YOUR TESTICLE ON CRAIGSLIST.
Come on. Of course the only people who are going to be interested in your perfectly well-watered penis plant are perverts. Then again, maybe this guy isn't so stupid... he specifies that the transaction will take place "after the game" and he will "need a ride to the airport and help on a plane."
How would he give over the family jewels, anyway? For this to be anything but a pet testicle in a gradually-greening-jar for someone, it would have to be a transplant. But even then, the body might reject it.
In other words, this is the dumbest idea (for both parties involved) anyone has ever had as far as selling their body for Superbowl tickets goes.
Click the image to enlarge the Craigslist ad
Guy Offers Lucky Lady a Ticket, as Long as She Puts Out
Ah, romance! It isn't dead. And if you're looking to find true love while sitting in the stands of football's biggest game, this is the guy for you!
One unlucky Ravens fan offered women everywhere the chance they'd been waiting for: a ticket to Super Bowl XLVII with the man (and his aunt and uncle) of their dreams. The cost? Just $1. Oh, and your dignity. Here's his Craigslist ad:
Free Super bowl Ticket for Hot Chick - $1
Good news for someone... My uncle got 4 tickets to the superbowl and gave me 2. My (biatch) girlfriend broke up with me on the day of the New England game so I will be taking someone along with me to spite her. I will pay for tickets, hotel, food, drinks, etc.
My requirements are simple:
1. You must be hot and a Ravens fan.
2. You will be expected to put out, at least HJ/ BJ/ etc.
3. You will have to hang with my aunt and uncle for at least a little bit.
Even if you can stomach the mandatory HJ/BJ he's demanding, all that required family time doesn't exactly sound conducive to falling in love. Then again, he is paying for drinks. (Better than Ray Rice, right?)
Email me if you are interested — this is not a joke.
I Won't Sell my Body I'll Just Sell My Strippers!
A recent Craigslist poster preferred to remain anonymous (can't imagine why) when he placed a want ad for tickets to the Superbowl.
In exchange for the coveted tickets, he offered responders access to his lifetime gold VIP membership to a Wisconsin strip club, which he values at worth over a $1,000 per year.
Does that include free lap dances? Hey... it's a fair question – these are Super Bowl tickets we're considering.
Sports Illustrated.com suggested that he place his ad on the National Football League's Player's Association website to reach his target audience: men who love football, and strip clubs.
The question is, if this guy has enough money lying around to have that kind of membership to a strip club, then why doesn't he just buy the tickets himself?
Also: BAD investment.
Ladies Jump at Chance to Have 'Lots of Sex' AND Go to the Big Game
A handsome Wall Street trader with money and tickets to spare?! Be still my heart!
This ad offering an extra ticket to the Super Bowl for an "attractive young lady" is actually sort of sweet. Meet your friends? Sure. Enjoy a hotel spa? Of course! Chow down on fancy dinners? DUH. But then there's that last part...
Just in case you thought "sharing a bed" might mean "light platonic cuddling," this guy wants to clear things up. The lady willing to have "lots of sex" got to enjoy these great seats.Ladies Jump at Chance to Have 'Lots of Sex' AND Go to the Big Game
Shelter and Personal Well Being Aren't Important to These Homeless Packers Fansv
You could say that one of the most crucial elements for basic human survival is shelter. So if you had the chance to save your life by selling your Super Bowl tickets for enough cash to feed, clothe, and protect yourself from the elements, you definitely would. Right?
That is because you are nowhere near as big a football fan as Aaron Hermes and Ouida Wright. This couple was homeless when they won a contest for an all-inclusive trip to see the Green Bay Packers play in the Super Bowl. But did they sell those tickets in order to cash out and change their unfortunate living situation? No way!
The duo kept their prize and incurred hundreds of dollars in tax expenses along the way. Who cares about personal well being when you can spend one night living it up with your favorite team?
The Lamest Ones: Head Space, Tattoos and Body Paint
Our seventh item is a collection of strange body offerings, all anonymous on Craigslist, of course. Way to let your freak flag fly gentlemen – chicks dig confidence.
1. One strapping gentleman offered to have advertisements painted or otherwise drawn on his bald head in exchange for some tickets to the main event.
2. Some other guy offered to paint his body from the waist up.
3. And finally, another human of lower intelligence (and general awesomeness) offered to get a "permanent" tattoo (as opposed to the kind 9-year-old girls buy at Walmart).
4. One ad even offered $5,000 worth of dental work, although it did not specify what kind of dental work was being bartered ([insert topical Health Care joke here]).
Who cares really, just tune in and watch the game, and be happy that you are not an anonymous Craigslist poster offering dumbass things for expensive ass tickets, or hell, look for any that come in during the next few days, cause it might be your big break... or an excuse to sell your body for something that's actually socially acceptable (because money is what whores charge for sex.)
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