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7 Marvelous Medical Marijuana Miracles

Cannabis has long been touted as a cure for those who suffer from the medical inability to perceive Pink Floyd music. But in the past few decades, lots of anecdotes have been cropping up which suggest that marijuana might have much more beneficial, actual medical uses. Showing off the medical benefits of cannabis, here are seven examples of marijuana medicine in action that should make even the most hardened skeptics pause.

Medical marijuana actually has some health benefits. Naysayers may scoff at this notion, but medicinal marijuana actually helps people more so than traditional drugs. What are health benefits of marijuana? Take a look at some of these stories and you'll see that pot isn't as bad as some people may think.

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  1. 1

    Father Treats 2-Year Old Son with Medical Marijuana

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    The Problem:

    Brain Cancer.

    Cancer is a tough disease, especially when it invades the brain of a cute toddler. In addition to all the symptoms caused by cancer, the horrific symptoms caused by the treatment (chemotherapy) make this disease a double-dose of God awfulness.

    Cash Hyde was having a hellish exaggeration of the terrible twos. Brain tumor, chemotherapy, pain drug cocktails: chemo was working to kill the tumor, but the side effects were tortuous. According to reports,Cash hadn't eaten in 40 days, was frequently vomiting (like, you know, more than the average two-year-old), and required five different pain drugs.

    How Medical Marijuana Helped:
    Doctors gave approval for Cash to try medical marijuana. According to Cash's father, after introducing cannabis oil into his feeding tube, his son's symptoms were immediately lessened. Cash began eating food, again, and slowly weaned off the potent pain drug cocktail.

    Counterpoint (and Why It's Wrong):
    It's risky to introduce a substance into a growing brain without knowing how toxic it can be on brain development. In general, the amount of toxic psychosis which can be triggered from marijuana hasn't been fully studied. Throw in Cash entering septic shock, and there's a chance his brain growth might have been stunted by his disease combined with the marijuana.

    Note that this hasn't been studied fully. It might be that marijuana doesn't trigger toxicity or toxic psychosis, or reduces it, or makes you grow an extra head when you turn 105, who knows? In addition, you know what else can stunt brain growth? A whopping dose of pain medication to combat a giant bunch of evil cells spreading through the brain. Seriously, if the kid turns 6 and has a little trouble tying his shoes we'll call it a fair trade. Cash was able to check out of I.C.U., and has been recovering with his family.

  2. 2

    Kid with a Host of Mental Imbalances Is Instantly Cured with Marijuana Muffins

    The Problem:
    ADHD, PTSD, OCD, ODD, IED, CD, Bi-polar disorder, all in one 7-year-old boy. This is tough, since we're pretty sure one of those things listed is a nuclear device. Surprisingly, the child was not named Damien. According to the boy's mother his life was pretty much entirely therapy, medication, and institutionalization. There's a Charlie Sheen joke in here, for sure, but we're not going to make it. We're talking about sick kids here, focus:

    How Medical Marijuana Helped:
    After trying many medications, the boy's mother finally got him a prescription for medical marijuana. After eating part of a muffin, he stopped being a complete trainwreck of a human being.

    According to mom, that day "was the first day of Jeff's life, literally!" Ignoring the fact that her misuse of "literally" implies she gave birth to a seven-year-old, this anecdote illustrates a miraculous turnaround for the boy. He is now 8, and apparently living the life of a normal, if maladjusted boy.

    Counterpoint (and why it's wrong):
    Social Services filed to remove the child from the home, claiming the mother was unfit for providing him with marijuana.

    The courts sided with the mother, finding that she had acted within the limits of California's medical marijuana laws. The boy was allowed to keep taking cannabis, and has been progressing well with therapy, according to his mother.

  3. 3

    Marijuana Replaces 17-Drug Pain Relief Cocktail

    The Problem:

    Being old as f*ck.

    82-year-old Mabel Macer was on a bunch of drugs just to keep herself from days of physical agony, followed by death. According to Macer, she could barely walk to the door in her drugged-out haze.

    How Medical Marijuana Helped:
    After switching to a drinkable marijuana cocktail, Macer was able to kick every medication except the heart pills that every senior seems to be required to take. She claims to be much more coherent and is able to take walks around her neighborhood. You know, like a living person.

    Counterpoint (and why it's wrong):
    Mabel's doctor expressed grave concern that marijuana would complicate her condition. He informed her that he could not be her doctor if she continued marijuana use. That seems kind of weird, a doctor only wanting to treat optimally healthy people. That's like a mechanic refusing to help because you brought them a broken car.

    It is often the case that doctors must do this to follow regulations of the hospital in which they work. It's probably going to be troublesome for seniors to find a doctor who will prescribe both marijuana and heart medication, but the alternative seems to be waiting to die in some painful pill trip.

  4. 4

    Marijuana Enables Man To Conceive Child

    The Problem:

    Alex Ure was a paratrooper. And apparently, flying really high up in a plane then jumping out is kinda dangerous, because Ure now has a severe spinal condition. Painkillers made him a useless lump. Due to the pain, he was unable to have sex with his wife for five years, which is an unusual thing to tell a reporter.

    How Medical Marijuana Helped:
    Cannabis eased the pain to the point where Ure didn't need a boatload of painkillers. He is now able to live a relatively normal life, and has conceived a son. This isn't proof that marijuana improves sperm count, it's just really cool.

    Counterpoint (and Why It's Wrong):
    It has been argued that marijuana use only masks the effect of pain, and quitting smoking often has a rebound effect more painful than the initial symptoms. Which is kind of an important distinction between drugs and medicine: medicine should theoretically make you better when you stop taking it. However, painkillers have been known to have an equal, if not more nasty, rebound effect. Anyone who watches E.R. or Major League Baseball knows that painkillers can be extremely addictive. So, in the right circumstances, it might be a matter of picking the only poison that works.

  5. 5

    Cannabis Stops Hepatitis C from Spiraling Man's Life out of Control

    The Problem:
    Severe pain and discomfort from Interferon treatments

    Richard Rodriguez was receiving a body-load of interferon regularly, to combat his Hepatitis C. The side-effects were drastic: full nausea, swollen tongue, complete loss of appetite, pain. He lost his job, his life was a drama of pain and discomfort. His mind began to slip: lots of pain and interferon can do that to a person.

    How Medical Marijuana Helped:
    After consuming cannabis, Rodriguez stabilized. The nausea subsided, his mental problems diminished, and the pain was dulled. He resumed a somewhat functional life, one with actual enjoyment.

    Counterpoint (and Why It's Wrong):
    Rodriguez isn't fully functional, and he never will be with a blood-borne disease running damage on his liver. Now he is dependent on weed, as well, which isn't inexpensive. All this for a drug that's not actually treating the symptoms of his disease, but rather the problems encountered from the treatment of that disease. It's kind of reminiscent of old-timey doctors who thought hanging you upside-down would fix broken bones. Weed would probably make that process easier, too. So, it seems medical marijuana is often best pursued as a last-resort alternative to traditional medicine.

  6. 6

    Man's Severe MS Symptoms Are Eased by Pot

    The Problem:
    28-year-old Matt Young has had multiple sclerosis diagnosed for half of his life. Unable to pursue his career or care for his son, Matt went through a host of drugs trying to find relief.

    How Medical Marijuana Helped:
    Matt Young began smoking marijuana in 2005 and, in his words, "I got better." Matt Young was able to enjoy life despite the crippling disease wrecking his nerve cells.

    Counterpoint (and Why It's Wrong):
    Here is another case of quitting marijuana causing a rebound effect. After a year of smoking, Young quit. He soon had a painful relapse, and moved in with his girlfriend to receive care. At the same time, while smoking Young is able to be clear, concise, and care for his stepson. So it seems to be a trade-off, the argument is less clear-cut for chronic, terminal conditions than it is for chemotherapy patients, who are getting better while marijuana eases their symptoms.

  7. 7

    Weed Helps Man with Shattered Body

    The Problem:
    The redundantly-named Martin Martinez stacked his motorcycle and fractured his skull.

    How Medical Marijuana Helped:
    This one's different. Doctors were perplexed by Martinez retaining almost all of his cognitive ability and suffering little cerebral damage despite breaking his head open. Study led researchers to conclude that a lifetime of chronic marijuana use protected Martinez' head. So, if you're a stoner and you ride a motorcycle, you've somehow hit the magic bullet of deathproof.

    Counterpoint (and Why It's Wrong)
    How exactly does a bongload a day protect people from bashing their brains out? It sounds preposterous, and is ridiculously understudied. So any claims made at this point will be primarily based upon anecdotal evidence.

    However, using THC, doctors have figured out a medicine that blocks brain injury after head damage. So, the science is there, they just need clinical studies to back it up.

    It seems "treatments" involving marijuana is promoted in the media. However, without extensive study, these cannabis medicine regimens can be said to be no more reliable than some random ancient Asian folk medicine herbs. So, while cannabis is obviously effective in certain niche situations where no other remedy can be found, it is a huge pile of data away from the claim that it is a general panacea for pain and chronic illness.

    Evan Hoovler also writes for Playboy's The Smoking Jacket, Blastr, and Gamespy. He collects the creepiest stuff on the Internet into a Twitter, and wants to be your Facebook friend.

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