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7 Movies In Development Designed to Mine Your Childhood By Geekscape [12 more lists]
from Geekscape.net
As Nick Gregorio (an esteemed cohost on the Geekscape Podcast) so eloquently stated a while back on the show, “Hollywood is raping us.” He was, of course, referring to the mining of childhood intellectual properties and memorable franchises in order to make a quick buck on the silver screen.
Well, the following list proves that Hollywood is not just raping us, but is in fact taking us forcibly by the balls and showering us in a proverbial all-night bukkake of youthful nostalgia and soulless greed. These are the movies in development that will make you question the existence of a higher power. Movies that will make you believe that studio executives are truly nothing more than empty yes-men who are both illiterate and addicted to cocaine. Movies that quite simply make you want to stand up and scream, “F-ck my life!” So, fellow cinemagoers, lets strap on our safety helmets and journey into this putrid developmental abyss together.
- 1One of the best reasons to own the Apple IIe when I was a kid was the "Funducational" games, like "Reader Rabbit", "Island of Dr. Brain" or "Oregon Trail". The best, in my humble opinion was always "Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?". In it you play a detective trying to find the titular master criminal as she travels the globe stealing pieces of history.
Now Walden Media has gotten the rights to the game and have said that they plan on making the movie with singer/actress Jennifer Lopez currently attached to produce. JLo is also in talks to play Carmen Sandiego in the movie franchise that is being compared to "National Treasure" and "The Thomas Crown Affair".
We can only hope that they keep or update the awesome theme from the 90's PBS show. -
- 2
Candyland
With characters like "King Kandy", "Princess Lolly" and "Gloppy the Molasses Monster", who can forget Candyland? One of the easiest games for kids ever, the point of the games was to go from one space to the other in the hopes of reaching Candy Mountain and saving the King of Candyland. A simple and delicious goal.
When one plays the game one would never think that it would inspire a Lord of the Rings type epic, but that seems to be what the writers in good ol' Hollywood thought when given the property. Originally scheduled to be written by Etan Cohen, the guy behind the comedies "Tropic Thunder" and "Madagascar 2", the film version was going to be super kid friendly.
It has since moved on to a different development team that has been quoted as saying that they envision the movie like this:
"We don't see it as a movie based on a board game, although it has characters from that world and takes the idea of people finding themselves in a world that happens to be made entirely of candy where there are huge battles going on. We are going for real comedy, real action, and real emotions at stake."
Oh the humanity! - 3
Stretch Armstrong
Remember that crappy, stretchable doll that you played with as a kid? You know...the one that looked like a cross between Elton John and a retarded Hulk Hogan. Well, guess what? It’s being turned into a movie!
Wow, I just can’t wait to watch a movie about a character that’s just like Reed Richards, except you know, without any backstory whatsoever. I mean, seriously, just how can this miss?
Maybe if we’ll lucky they’ll throw in Stretch’s canine sidekick Fetch Armstrong or his evil arch nemesis Wretch Armstrong. It’s clever because their first names rhyme, you see.
In 2010, Universal Studios said that not only are they going forward with a Stretch movie, but it is going to be starring Taylor Lautner, the hunky werewolf from the "Twilight" series, as the titular rubbery hero. The movie is being produced by Brian Grazer and is set to be released in 2012. (A true sign of the Apocalypse? Maybe.) -
- 4
Where's Waldo?
“Where’s Waldo?” was a fun picture book series created with the sole purpose of entertaining kids during long car rides or times when Daddy was passed out from drinking. That’s all well and good—and I genuinely don’t have a problem with the character of Waldo. But, a movie? C’mon! What decent story can possible by extracted about a tall guy who wears a stripped shirt and glasses, stands in crowds, and is most likely gay?
More importantly, is this even necessary? I guess considering this is Hollywood we’re talking about here, I really shouldn’t be surprised. At this point I probably should just sit back in my recliner and wait for the inevitable sequel featuring a crossover between Carmen SanDiego. Then, I can lock myself in my car, close the garage door, and turn on the ignition.
Though the property has traded partners more than I did during my elementary school square-dance, Where's Waldo is currently being developed by MGM Studios with a goal date of 2013 for release. Before MGM, Nickelodeon had the rights, then it was sold to Universal before landing in it's current spot. - 5Do you remember Heathcliff? No? How could you not remember an eighties cartoon cat who was more or less a blatant rip-off of Garfield? You see, Transformers had its Gobots and Garfield had Heathcliff.
In case you didn’t know, he’s a zany, sarcastic cat that gets in all sorts of crazy shenanigans. To me, that just screams "awesome movie." I just can’t wait to see what wild adventures he’ll get into. Maybe he’ll get stuck in a ball of yarn or, better yet, learn how to skateboard!
You’re so sassy and cool, Heathcliff! I wish I were as edgy and tubular as you! *air guitars* *slits wrists*
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7 Movies In Development Designed to Mine Your Childhood at 11/11/2011 12:25 PM
7 Movies In Development Designed to Mine Your Childhood at 11/11/2011 11:59 AM
Monopoly at 8/18/2009 2:00 PM
7 Movies In Development Designed to Mine Your Childhood at 11/11/2011 11:58 AM
Heathcliff: The Movie at 11/11/2011 6:04 PM
Monopoly at 8/19/2009 1:05 PM
Movie Voice Guy: In a world where chance can lead to jail...
[shadowy figure in a top hat wearing a mustache, cue dramatic soundtrack].
...Do not pass go...[insert dramatic camera angles with flashes of lightning].
...Do not collect $200...[insert dramatic camera angles with flashes of lightning].
...Monopoloy...[fade to black]
Heathcliff: The Movie at 11/11/2011 10:37 PM