7 Probably Gay Video Game Couples Who Should Get Married Video Games
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7 Probably Gay Video Game Couples Who Should Get Married

Now that Prop 8 has been repealed by federal courts, here are 7 probably gay video game "couples" whose sexualities have been in question for a while now (publishers are just too scared to admit it) that would benefit from partaking in the sanctity of marriage in some way shape or form. Some of these unions would save rocky relationships, while others would save THE WORLD.

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  1. 1

    Hal "Otacon" Emmerich and "Solid" Snake from Metal Gear Solid

    Click here for the video that proves that these two are a couple made in video game heaven... even more.

    After the events of Metal Gear Solid 1, neither Snake nor Otacon were presented with viable options for females in their lives, so they decided to "work" together for "global peace"... which is apparently what you do in the absence of women (???).

    Well I don't know how working together results (as seen in Metal Gear Solid 4) in two men living together in an ever-flying plane free from all national law and raising a child together unless it's basically a marriage.

    Now that Prop 8 has been repealed and they can legally call it a marriage and even get the same rights as everyone else, maybe it's best to them to just go ahead and tie the knot, gay or not, if not for the financial benefits alone. Heterosexual people do it all the time (tax breaks, law troubles and immigration), why not open it up to same-sex opportunistic marriages?

    Nobody's judging, so Snake, Otacon; you can land the plane in California, finally.

  2. 2

    Sonic and Tails from Sonic the Hedgehog

    As seen to the left, Tails will pretty much try anything once.

    Also, Sonic keeps him around for SOME reason. Sure, he makes a great sidekick, but so does Knuckles, and so do plenty of other members of his much-hated entourage that have ruined the games and dug it into a Donkey-Kong-Game-esque hole of too many characters nobody cares about.

    The loving friendship between Sonic and Tails is kind of an abusive relationship, at heart. Sonic only uses Tails for airborne transportation and doesn't NEED him, even though all Tails ever wants to do is be right on Sonic's, well... tail.

    The passive aggression of Sonic towards Tails could be due to resentment on Sonic's part towards Tails never making the first move (or maybe just angry denial), but either way, he has Tails "on the hook". Also, Tails is only his name around Sonic, his real name is Miles.

    The fact that he'd choose a suggestive name like Tails can only mean one thing: Tails has always wanted this, despite popular belief to the contrary.

    The fact that the only real female interested in Sonic is constantly not only ignored, but avoided is another clear fact that a marriage between Sonic and Tails would not only get her off their backs, but would allow them to reconcile feelings they wouldn't have been able to before without living in sin.

    Also: this would make Sonic and Tails go through a newly wed phase... you know what that means? NO MORE SONIC & FRIENDS IN ALL THE GAMES, JUST SONIC & TAILS FIGHTING ROBOTS. How awesome would that be? Back to basics and back to the way Sonic games SHOULD be.

    Their wedding would save the franchise, if not for the honeymoon phase alone, but for the press which would drive a little more cash to a dying story we're all rooting for but slowly giving up on.

  3. 3

    Marcus Fenix and Dom from Gears of War

    Everyone in the Gears of War crew splits off into couples.

    You've got Marcus and Dom, Cole and Baird, Carmine and sniper bullets.

    Not to use the term "prison gay" or anything, but once again, these guys ARE some of the last people on Earth and men do have needs... after they discover that part of themselves (because c'mon, who is really that butch without trying to compensate for something?), their partnerships will become friendships will become love. And then, just to stay civilized and remember the world that once was... they can all get hitched.

    The thing is, they all seem hesitant to take it "all the way", though, which makes sense because of how "macho" all these guys consider themselves. So in order to get all of this self-discover started, someone would need to go first...

    Dom. It would be Dom. Why? Well, it's often been wondered if his wife was just a beard, and now that she's dead, perhaps this is why he's grown an ACTUAL beard for Gears of War 3.

    He needs to let freedom ring and shave that thing off, and match scars with his main man Marcus... and so on and so on.

  4. 4

    Sephiroth and Cloud from Final Fantasy

    Sephiroth (bad guy) and Cloud Strife (good guy) from Final Fantasy 7

    OK so in FF7 (spoiler alert), Sephiroth freaks out over his mommy issues and comes to embrace his lack of human connection (possibly because he's never been with a girl, and doesn't fit into a homophobic society).

    He then decides to deal with his inner stuggles in the most closeted of ways: direct violence to everybody.

    Now if Sephy here had been able to fall in love with those of his choosing, maybe finding out he was an alien-lost-race-clone-baby wouldn't have been much of an issue for the dude. Also, maybe he wouldn't have taken his rage out on Cloud's once-lady-friend.

    But noooooo, Shinra's horrible policies forced the guy to go all "Wizard Hitler" on the world.

    Plus he had at least two dudes who wanted to "aspire" to his greatness: Zack Flair and Cloud Strife.

    Cloud (the iconic protagonist of the Final Fantasy series) ends up cross-dressing, which is also a symptom of him dealing with interior repression. Oh and he also has a love triangle with two women who have serious cases of both man-hands and no hips, and can even take Barret out for a romantic evening.

    If he could have been a little more honest with himself, and society in general could have been more open, then maybe things would have worked out better for everybody and we could've gotten two closeted incredibly powerful warriors to get together, stay together and make peace with the world.

    Their marriage would've actually made the entire world a better place.

    In this video: What a date between Cloud and Sephiroth would look like.

  5. 5

    Zangief and Anybody from Street Fighter

    Zangief and... whoever he wants to piledrive Anatomically/Atomically.

    So, it's often been wondered if Zangief is gay. There has been some evidence for this, some against. Either way, he'd fit right in in either of the major West Hollywood neighborhoods. Capcom doesn't want to say, probably feeling that it might hurt his "reputation". This is exactly the kind of fear that engendered Prop 8 to begin with.

    Perhaps the indication in general is that times are changing yet again, and Capcom, and their loveable Russian bearhugger, should come out already!

    Throughout gaming history , there is one man who has been thought to be gay the longest. Arguably the most iconic probably-gay video game character that can now come out of the closet and find a suitable mate is Zangief, the bear-hugging soviet from the Street Fighter series. Why is he gay? Well it's been covered left and right, but here are some examples:

    1. He always has his shirts off and has a mowhawk that could not POSSIBLY be natural. He spends TIME on that hair. He also creatively shaves not only his face, but chest. Let's just say the way he dresses is extremely flamboyant.

    2. He is extremely flexible and constantly bends over backwards for other men.

    3. His spends much of his time wrestling bears... which we've never ACTUALLY seen, so we can only imagine what that "really" means since one of his most popular moves involves hugging. Not to say that bearhugging is inherently gay , but in a tournament where you can choose any fighting style and that is your weapon of choice, it leads crowds to think!

    Anyway, check out this picture and look at how sad he always is. He needs more love and an adequate husband (which is what he would prefer, most likely an equally large bear, like him).

    I mean, who knows? Maybe that would end all the fighting, which would be bad for us, but good for him.

    Don't we all just want Zangief to be happy?

  6. 6

    Jimmy Hopkins and Gary Smith from Bully (PS2)

    "Communist" video game publisher (Vancouver) Rockstar Games' 2006 release of the game Bully was met with quite a bit of controversy when it was discovered, and then contested by a Florida Lawyer who got thiiiiiiiiis close to getting the game banned, that people playing the game would be able to experiment with kissing other young boys in the actual game play. At the end of certain missions, when he does a favor for a girl, Jimmy (the main character of the game) gets a reward from the girls in the form of a kiss. Jimmy may also do this with other boys in his school, as well as go up to people and start kissing them... which includes certain male characters.

    So, obviously, this kid is completely bi and loves people of all shapes and sizes, but throughout the game, even when faced with an impossibly hot girl he looks at them with nothing but disdain. That and the fact that he wears a sweater vest proudly, makes us think that he leans a little more towards the "boy crazy" side of things.

    Why else would a kid who clearly doesn't know how to express that have so much repressed rage?

    Anyway, since there are so many able, willing student bodies in this game for Jimmy to get together with... all these years later, it's safe to say that Jimmy has probably worked out his rage issues. Aside from this, he most likely wants nothing more than to piss off his parents and phony of a stepfather. What better way to do this AND to settle down for a calmer, healthier life than to find a nice dude and go away for a while, fall in love and then eventually tie the knot.

    After the controversy which gave this game its popularity, the type of things Jimmy is into (violence, pranks, etc.), we can't think of a better or happier ending to Jimmy's saga than for him to end up with a nice guy that can either domesticate him or that he can team up with to reign havoc on all the other young 20somethings (by now) of the world.

    Suggestion for his f*ture husband here.

    So here's a video of Jimmy kissing all the kissable males in the game. Please ignore the title, because I believe they call him "Jimmy the Gay". Valid clips, though.

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