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Cutlery Throwing Mother Doesn't Give a F*ckvMeet Louella Gallagher, who, along with her daughters Connie Anne (5) and Collina Sue (2 and a half), demonstrates how you can take a negative attribute like not being able to nail a standing target with a kitchen knife and turn it into a crowd-gathering marvel. Watch and be amazed at this astonishing video in which no f*cks are given while Louella fearlessly hurls dangerously sharp knives at her little girls for shocked spectators and a camera crew. Be sure you have the volume on during this clip, because the narration is half the fun.
0:06 "Connie Anne is a veteran at being a target for her mother's cutlery, and doesn't turn a hair at Ma's cut-ups, even though Ma's pretty sharp with the cleavers."
0:26 "It takes a steady aim and a stout heart to heave knives at the apple of your eye, but this female William Tell has no qualms and plenty of faith!"
Do yourself a favor and pause the clip at 0:42. What is that look in Louella's face? anticipation? Excitement? Whatever it is, this is not the look you want someone throwing weapons at you to be having.
Sure enough, only three seconds later at 0:45, Collina Sue is getting fidgety as a knife is improperly executed and bounces off the wooden board and grazes her arm. The narrator doesn't seem to be worried, "This miss says it's as good as a smile!"
Louella seems to be more determined than ever to show off her skills at 0:52 during Collina's close-up. The knives land closer around her face and you can clearly see the wind in Collina's hair as the blades speed past her. After watching this video, I'm really curious to see what exactly qualified as child endangerment in those days.
Empire State HijinksvWith all the safety standards and labor laws we have in this country today, it's hard to believe some of our most recognizable landmarks were built with little to no f*ck given towards safety at all.
0:18 There's something about watching people in high places that is just downright unsettling. I dare you to watch this video without clenching your butt even once. I DARE YOU. Look at this guy standing on the edge of a girder, going back and forth like he's not one banana peel away from becoming expressionist sidewalk art.
0:28 Now look at his partner! Sliding down the same beam for twenty feet at blazing speeds without any ropes, harnesses, or safety nets. It's almost surprising they they had enough guys left alive to finish construction on the building.
Ben Dova Not Giving a F*ckvStuntman Ben Dova's passion for looking intoxicated was taken to new heights when he decided to move his act to the roof of a skyscraper in old-timey Manhattan. Without giving a sh*t (or a f*ck) whatsoever for his life or the lives of the people below him, Ben sought to prove to the world that alcoholics are not only awesome at birthday parties and funerals, but are just as awesome when teetering on the brink of death hundreds of feet in the air.
At 0:18, Mr. Dova throws his booze-loving body off the edge of the building.
To showcase the harrowing views of the city (yes, they really were that far from the ground) and remind you that this guy is f*cking nuts, 0:26 shows the daredevil climbing a swaying light post.
Just to drive his point home about drunks being awesome at every elevation, at 0:55 Ben Dova throws his entire body off the post and hangs above the crowded streets by his fingertips. If he wasn't drinking before this stunt, I'll bet he got hammered afterwords.
Vintage Parkour with Toddlers on Their BacksvAt first, this guy may look like he's just doing some random free-running and parkour, or, to quote The Office, getting "from point A to point B as creatively as possible...as long as point 'A' is delusion and point 'B' is the hospital." But this video just gets better and better, starting at 0:26 when he climbs up a building horizontally.
At 0:30, he demonstrates how few f*cks he actually gives by doing the same horizontal wall climb with a large child on his back.
Then, at 0:45 the stuntman goes from jumping on the back of a train, to running on top of the moving subway car, to jumping into a river dozens of feet below. Not enough for you? Watch a few seconds more and see him jump at least a hundred feet into dark waters below. Parkour!
1:16 Breaking down whatever lame connotations you may have once had about getting into a giant wheel, this...artist...proceeds to roll across a field, then off a cliff and INTO THE OCEAN. Be honest, you're a little turned on right now.
Old-Timey Stunt Men Not Giving a F*ckvHere's a bunch of great old timey stunts with a lot of witty narration. The first thirty seconds are mostly aerial acrobatics, but once you get past that you're in for nothing but "Spills, thrills, and chills!" Here are some of the highlights of this total abandon of safety:
0:30 "Daredevils turn on the heat to keep tempo with the times," by jumping through flames on motorcycles.
0:40 "This madcap adventurer puts on his show by being dragged right into the picture." As a man is being pulled along by his feet by a speeding vehicle. He looks pretty out of it by the end, but not to worry, "There's no harm done...he says."
1:17 "For a thrill that chills you to the very marrow, these aerial dancers put on a spine tingling show above the city streets. Their stage is a small platform, but their nerve is colossal! This dance may be safe enough up there, but we'd hate to see them do the conga!"
1:49 Another man is dragged behind a car, this time in a straight jacket and to the tune of 40mph. "The idea is to remove the jacket before friction removes the seat of your pants!"
2:10 Stunt man Johnny Renolyds sits atop not one but two dining room chairs and a table on the side of a very tall building in a game called "teeter totter."
"Johnny is 39-years-old. With luck, he may someday see 40."
2:21 This guy can do all kinds of things, jump rope, do a headstand, even dance -- all on a thin plank sticking out of a 20-story building. During the blindfold test, however, he missteps and lands on his crotch, inciting a whistle and sharp "Mmph!" from the commentator.
Now sit back for a few car and airplane crashes and two trains having a head on collision, before 3:20 for another narrative of your favorite knife-throwing mother (and mine), Louella Gallagher!
Whipping Stuff Out of a Woman's Mouth (0 F*cks Given)vThis is quite an odd clip, even by old-time standards. In it a man shows off his skills with a bull whip to his willing female counterpart, only he never seems to do them exactly right.
0:05 After a successful crack at wrapping the whip around his assistant's waist, the stuntman then takes a shot at wrapping it around her neck. It kind of wraps around her face instead, but being a good assistant she smiles and plays it off pretty well.
0:11 For his next trick, the stuntman attempts to knock a carnation out of the woman's mouth. He does so, but again not without smacking the assistant in the face with a leather switch. A true old-timey gal, she simply rubs her lips and shoves nose back into place and prepares herself for the next beating.
0:19 I really have no idea what's going on here. The maniacal whip barer has now turned to just wailing on his assistant while she lies on the ground and screams for help before lovingly running into his arms. Maybe this video wasn't about the man's talent with a whip after all but the woman's knack for taking a beating.
Radioactive Make-Up Tested on ModelsvBack in the good ole days, women would do anything to look beautiful. But, much like today's women, they spent most of their day clogging their pores with make-up and busily "going in and out of doors." What's a girl to do with all the contaminants clinging to her face hiding what is sure to be natural beauty? The fine people at Dorothy Grey Cosmetics have a solution for a "thorough cleansing."
At 0:20, Dorothy Grey demonstrates a whole new level of not giving a f*ck when they hire a "scientist" to slather a bunch of irradiated dirt on a stunning young model. "Just radioactive enough to register on a Geiger counter." And these aren't the days when they thought radiation was harmless, either. This was broadcast in the 1960s, when everyone and their mothers were out building, or had already built, bomb shelters in fear of nuclear fallout.
0:40 The Geiger counter reveals that Dorothy Grey Salon Cold Cream cleansed up to two and a half times more thoroughly than any other brand tested. Notice how they failed to mention if there were any traces of radioactivity left on their poor testing participant.
0:50 "With Dorothy Grey Salon Cold Cream, you know you remove dirt. And more important, you remove every trace of make-up which can clog your pores." And look, the model is hardly mutated at all!
My favorite part of the ad, though, is at 1:22, where you can write Dorothy Grey for the "particulars" on the experiment, and your free Atomic Test Booklet!
Stunts, Stunts, and More No-F*ck-Giving Stunts!
Retro Zany Stunts Footage Vol 39... by PublicDomainFootage
Unfortunately, this next video is sans audio, but this collection of 31 amazing clips is really something everyone needs to see. Its bizarre showcase of talented stuntmen and spectacular crashes is peppered with awesome vintage clips of rare inventions and activities that never quite made it out of the golden era. If you don't mind spoilers, here's a glimpse of what you can hope to see:
0:05 What better way to kick off a montage than with a guy on fire....while also JUMPING INTO A POOL OF FIRE?!
0:08 It's a wonder the human race survived long enough to see technicolor the way people treated their kids in these clips. Here's a man tossing a baby around like you would a tennis ball or a chainsaw while atop a very tall building. He's demonstrating how to be a good father and a good juggler at the same time!
If you've ever wondered what it would look like to see someone shot out of a giant sling-shot or fired out of a cannon into a pool, what's wrong with you? Also, check out 0:28-1:01 and wonder no more!
Enjoy some vintage driving and skee-do fails, yer doin' it wrongs, and motorcycles going through fire during these next clips before 2:38, where a vintage tightrope walker goes across buildings with a woman on his shoulders.
At 3:18 we get to see a fad that I really wish had caught on, where some men are sealed inside a metal canister and blasted off a dock into a lake. Seriously.
Rounding off the video at 3:28 are TANKS!!! Four glorious little clips of old timey panzers going over hills, landing upside down, and even driving into a few houses for your viewing pleasure.