9 Companies That Should Buy Playboy
Chico DePaco Playboy's stock has been hugely depressed, and Hef himself is trying to lead a banker-backed buyout, the news of which caused the stock to double this week ( http://ow.ly/2bDdS ). Other companies are jumping into the fray, including Adult Friendfinder, who purchased Penthouse a few years back. We've put our "dealmaker" hat on and generated a list of the companies who would generate the most "synergies" from a merger with Playboy.
- 1
The Huffington Post
Why HuffPo, you ask?
HuffPo's pageviews are already inflated by soft porn . Even though their bikini picture galleries are really pushing the cutting edge of necessary journalism (click here for one of them - is that Cindy Crawford?) , we think they can take it a little bit further than this. If they went bought out Playboy, all they would have to do is take up the porn ONE notch, actually make real money on it and feature models/pictures that aren't 20 years out-of-date.
Also, Playboy is as soft as porn gets these days, what with "the internet" and all. And while their news has suffered (back in the 70s, the monthly Playboy Interview was actually one of the most in-depth pieces of content in American journalism, famously even getting Jimmy Carter in trouble ).
Check out this great talkingpointsmemo article about HuffPo slowly going porn.
We smell synergy. - 2
The UFC
Why would Dana White and his Vega$ backers buy Playboy?
-They are flush with cash
-They are still trying to acquire a level of mainstream legitimacy while maintaining bad-boy cred.
-Many old-school boxing fans are still very resistant to Ultimate Fighting, partly out of ignorance due to the earlier, less controlled days of the UFC as well as the obnoxious nu-metal packaging of the brand. But find me an old-school boxing fan who doesn't respond to the Playboy brand and I will get in the ring with Mike Tyson OR Chuck Liddell myself.
-Rather than date (smack around?) porn stars , UFC fighters could be seen in public kanoodling with Playmates; which would add a touch of class to the UFC franchise. Especially after Tito Ortiz (UFC fighter) was accused of abusing Jenna Jameson during their relationship. Cause hey, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.
-We'd all like to see less of that tired Affliction merch on UFC torsos. - 3
Ed Hardy
- 4
Clairol
Clairol should get down and beg to buy Playboy, whose eternal blondes grace nearly every cover of every magazine printed going back to the stone age. Playboy probably single-handedly created the concept of blonde equating to sexy (and before you say anything, Marilyn Monroe did Playboy in 1953).
And as Hef gets older (maybe you get colorblind as you age?), his personal blonde-bias is almost 100% (see photos). The Playboy concept of beauty can now be summed up in two words "pneumatic blonde".
So, give a little back, Clairol. Because you're worth it. - 5
QVC
Late-night, couch-bound audience with credit card + soft-core porn = no brainer.
Just think if all of those lovely ladies were selling something other than their bodies/images. Yeah, the typical Playmate isn't the brightest bulb on the shelf, but we are confident they can go head-to-head with the average QVC shill.
Imagine the Shake Weight infomercial (click here to see original) starring Playmates. This would sell in the DROVES.
Playmates have already got experience selling anything from sex toys to (see video to the left) even presentations of the "ten biggest c*cks on television". I know I'd tune in.
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9 Companies That Should Buy Playboy at 7/15/2010 2:19 PM
9 Companies That Should Buy Playboy at 7/15/2010 2:18 PM