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Investigating Paranormal ActivityParanormal Investigator: "We're investigating paranormal activity at the Johnson residence in suburban Los Angeles."
The Paranormal Investigator gives the quick overview of the film's plot, that he is investigating odd happenings at a home in suburban Los Angeles. Yes, that's really the extent of the plot.
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Someone So CuteMalcolm: "How could someone so cute be so stink?"
Usually in found footage movie viewers would expect to see strange happenings and paranormal activity on these surveillance cameras. Not in "A Haunted House." Instead the surprise is a fart joke.
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I'm a PsychicChip: "Hi, I'm Chip. You must be Malcolm."
Malcolm: "Yeah, that's pretty good. How'd you know?"
Chip: "I'm a psychic. I have a lot of powers all over my body."
Psychic Chip seems pretty impressive when he already knows Malcolm's name but things change quickly from pleasant to just plain weird.
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Protection From SpiritsChip: "You know what? There is some dark energy over here."
Malcolm: "Ahh, the spirit got me! Why do you have your hands on by b***s?"
Chip: "I'm protecting them from the spirits."
Psychic Chip sure seems dedicated to protecting Malcolm from the spirit inhabiting his home. Then again maybe Chip is a little too protective, especially in that it involves improper touching.
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Tic Tac ToeFather Doug: "I'm Father Doug. I'm here to unpossess you."
Kisha: "Do you know how to connect the cuts?"
Father Doug: "Uh, uh, uh, tac tac toe in your face!"
Father Doug seems to be dedicated to excising the demon from Kisha but that soon goes awry when his competitive side kicks in and he happily plays tic tac toe in the cuts on her arm.
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