Best Mark Twain Quotes

In his private heart no man much respects himself.

If you can't get a compliment any other way, pay yourself one.

I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.

I never could tell a lie that anybody would doubt, nor a truth that anybody would believe.

I refused to attend his funeral. But I wrote a very nice letter explaining that I approved of it.

I have not a particle of confidence in a man who has no redeeming vices.

I repeat, sir, that in whatever position you place a woman she is an ornament to society and a treasure to the world. As a sweetheart, she has few equals and no superiors; as a cousin, she is convenient; as a wealthy grandmother with an incurable distemper, she is precious; as a wet-nurse, she has no equal among men. What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce.

I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.

I think a compliment ought to always precede a complaint, where one is possible, because it softens resentment and insures for the complaint a courteous and gentle reception.

I think I can say, and say with pride, that we have some legislatures that bring higher prices than any in the world.

I was young and foolish then; now I am old and foolisher.

I would rather have my ignorance than another man's knowledge, because I have so much of it.

If He Tom Sawyer had been a great and wise philosopher, like the writer of this book, he would now have comprehended that Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do and Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.

If man had created man, he would be ashamed of his performance.

If they had not landed there would be some reason for celebrating the fact.

If to be interesting is to be uncommonplace, it is becoming a question, with me, if there are any commonplace people.

I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.

I know all those people. I have friendly, social, and criminal relations with the whole lot of them.

It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.

Keep away from small people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

Laughter is the greatest weapon we have and we, as humans, use it the least.

Let me make the superstitions of a nation and I care not who makes its laws or its songs either.

Let us be grateful to Adam, our benefactor. He cut us out of the blessing of idleness and won for us the curse of labor.

Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.

Let us consider that we are all partially insane. It will explain us to each other; it will unriddle many riddles; it will make clear and simple many things which are involved in haunting and harassing difficulties and obscurities now.

Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made School Boards.

Let us not be too particular; it is better to have old secondhand diamonds than none at all.

Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thought that is forever flowing through one's head.

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.

Loyalty to petrified opinions never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul in this world -- and never will.

Man is a creature made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.

Man is the only animal that blushes -- or needs to.

Man is the only creature who has a nasty mind.

Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.

Man will do many things to get himself loved; he will do all things to get himself envied.

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions…

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

It is a good and gentle religion, but inconvenient.

It is a good idea to obey all the rules when you're young just so you'll have the strength to break them when you're old.

It is a time when one's spirit is subdued and sad, one knows not why; when the past seems a storm-swept desolation, life a vanity and a burden, and the future but a way to death.

It is better to be a young June-bug than an old bird of paradise.

It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.

It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.

It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either.

It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world, and moral courage so rare.

It is difference of opinion that makes horse races.

It is nobler to be good, and it is nobler to teach others to be good -- and less trouble!

It is not best that we should all think alike; it is a difference of opinion that makes horse races.