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Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.Government More
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The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets.
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The short memories of American voters is what keeps our politicians in office.Memory More
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Everybody is ignorant only on different subjects.
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Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.Action More
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We can't all be heroes, because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.Heroes and Heroism More
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The Income Tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.
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Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated.
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We are the first nation in the history of the world to go to the poorhouse in an automobile.Automobile More
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I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.Government More
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Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.Change More
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I've often said there's nothing better for the inside of a man than the outside of a horse.Horse More
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There's only one thing that can kill the movies, and that's education.Film More
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The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.
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A man can learn only two ways, one by reading, and the other by association with smarter people.Learning More
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I never met a man I didn't like.Affection More
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If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?Stupidity More
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Broad-minded is just another way of saying a fellow is too lazy to form an opinion.Opinions More
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Income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf.
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Everybody is ignorant -- only on different subjects.Ignorance More
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People are getting smarter nowadays; they are letting lawyers, instead of their conscience, be their guide.Lawsuit More
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A difference of opinion is what makes horse racing and missionaries.Opinions More
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I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!Democratic Party, Politicians and Politics More
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I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they do today.Nudity More
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Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.Time and Time Management More
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The nation is prosperous on the whole, but how much prosperity is there in a hole?Debt More
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Liberty doesn't work as well in practice as it does in speeches.Liberty More
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The worst thing that happens to you may be the best thing for you if you don't let it get the best of you.Adversity More
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The person with the best job in the country is the vice president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, How is the president?Work More
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Get someone else to blow your horn and the sound will carry twice as far.Praise More
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One revolution is like one cocktail, it just gets you organized for the next.Revolutions and Revolutionaries More
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If you ever injected truth into politics you would have no politics.Truth More
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Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you do not know when it is through if you are a crook or a martyr.
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My ancestors didn't come over on the Mayflower, but they were there to meet the boat.Ancestry More
- 35Up 4Down 0
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.Humour More
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An economist's guess is liable to be as good as anybody else s.Economy and Economics More
- 37Up 4Down 0
Strangers are just friends I haven't met yet.Friends and Friendship More
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No party is as bad as its leaders.
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It doesn't much signify whom one marries, for one is sure to find out the next morning that it was someone else.Marriage More
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The reason political party platforms are so long is that when you straddle anything it takes a long time to explain it.
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The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.Gossip More
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So live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.Gossip More
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You can't say that civilization don't advance... for in every war they kill you a new way.Progress More
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You never know how much a man can't remember until he is called as a witness.Memory More
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When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad ones you did do -- well, that's Memoirs.Autobiography More
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With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law, and every time they make a law it's a joke.Congress More
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There is no credit to being a comedian, when you have the whole Government working for you. All you have to do is report the facts. I dont even have to exaggerate.
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This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.Congress More
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And kid Congress and the Senate, dont scold em. They are just children thats never grown up. They dont like to be corrected in company. Dont send messages to em, send candy.
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There ain't nothing that breaks up homes, country, and nations like somebody publishing their memoirs.Biography More
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