A List of Famous Woody Allen Quotes By Reference

A list of quotes from Woody Allen. Here are the best Woody Allen quotes on various subjects. The Woody Allen quotations list is alphabetical but can be sorted by any column. Enjoy these sayings coined by Woody Allen. You may want to copy this fact-based list to build your own just like it, re-rank it to fit your opinions, then publish it to share with your friends.

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Order Name Author Subjects

1

80% of success is showing up

Woody Allen
2

A Bay Area Bisexual told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.

Woody Allen

Sex
3

A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.

Woody Allen

Interpersonal relationship
4

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she would come in and sink my boats.

Woody Allen

Maturity
5

Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.

Woody Allen

Punishment
6

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.

Woody Allen

Comedy and Comedians
7

Does art imitate life, or does life imitate TV?

Woody Allen
8

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Woody Allen

Success
9

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

Woody Allen
10

I am at two with nature.

Woody Allen

Nature
11

I don't believe in an after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

Woody Allen

Death and Dying
12

I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I have a tendency to... if I get too mellow, I ripen and then rot.

Woody Allen

Drug
13

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work, I want to achieve immortality through not dying

Woody Allen
14

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.

Woody Allen

Immortality
15

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

Woody Allen

Comedy and Comedians
16

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.

Woody Allen

Love
17

I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final. You know, I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

Woody Allen

Metaphysics
18

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead -- not sick, not wounded -- dead.

Woody Allen

Food and Eating
19

I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.

Woody Allen

Club
20

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Woody Allen

Death and Dying
21

I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.

Woody Allen

Intelligence and Intellectuals
22

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

Woody Allen

Film
23

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

Woody Allen

Skepticism
24

If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe.

Woody Allen

Risk
25

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

Woody Allen

Hollywood
26

Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who can never remember where they left things.

Woody Allen

Science and Scientists
27

It shows exactly what you can do if you're a total psychotic.

Woody Allen

Possibilities
28

Life is divided up into the horrible and the miserable.

Woody Allen

Life and Living
29

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.

Woody Allen

Body
30

Marriage is the death of hope.

Woody Allen

Marriage
31

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Woody Allen

Money
32

More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.

Woody Allen

History and Historians
33

My one regret in life is that I'm not someone else.

Woody Allen

Regret
34

Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing Embraceable You in spats.

Woody Allen

Animal
35

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily as lying down.

Woody Allen

Death and Dying
36

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one consider that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies.

Woody Allen

Crime and Criminals
37

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.

Woody Allen

Love
38

Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.

Woody Allen

Sex
39

The lion and the calf will lay down together, but the calf won't get much sleep..

Woody Allen

Marriage
40

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

Woody Allen

Disillusion
41

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?

Woody Allen

Dream
42

Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.

Woody Allen

Reason

Showing items 1 - 25 of 42

A List of Famous Woody Allen Quotes you can use this list to help make your own ranked list about this topic

80% of success is showing up

A Bay Area Bisexual told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.

A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she would come in and sink my boats.

Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.

Does art imitate life, or does life imitate TV?

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

I am at two with nature.

I don't believe in an after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I have a tendency to... if I get too mellow, I ripen and then rot.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work, I want to achieve immortality through not dying

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.

I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final. You know, I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead -- not sick, not wounded -- dead.

I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe.

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who can never remember where they left things.

It shows exactly what you can do if you're a total psychotic.

Life is divided up into the horrible and the miserable.

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.

Marriage is the death of hope.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.

My one regret in life is that I'm not someone else.

Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing Embraceable You in spats.

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily as lying down.

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one consider that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies.

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.

Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.

The lion and the calf will lay down together, but the calf won't get much sleep..

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?

Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.