- 1+ 22- 2
What's Your Stripper Stage Name?
- 2+ 7- 2
Where Are We Going?
Billy: "Where are we going?"
Irving Zisman: "Just keep going straight. You getting tired?"
Billy: "Yeah, you should drink so much."
As part of their cross-country journey to deliver Billy to his dad, Billy and Irving find themselves pushing a shopping cart in the middle of nowhere. Well, Billy at least is doing the pushing, Irving is riding in the cart, probably drunk.
- 3+ 6- 3
You're Very Pretty When You're Mad
Supermarket Clerk: "They're going to take that child away from you!"
Irving Zisman: "I'm sorry."
Supermarket Clerk: "You are sorry. You're sorry as hell!"
Irving Zisman: "You're very pretty when you're mad."
Supermarket Clerk: "You're pissing me off."
After a failed shoplifting attempt, the store clerk gives Irving a few choice words. Irving is oddly turned on by the outburst.
- 4+ 5- 2
You're Going to Fix That Penguin, Bro
Restaurant Guy: "You're going to fix that penguin, bro!"
Irving Zisman: "Nope! If I was fixing it you'd see me fixing it but, did you notice how I wasn't fixing it?" [to man on bicycle] "Watch out for the penguin, sir."
After Irving rams a large penguin with his car, a man from the restaurant behind it comes out to settle the score. Irving however has no intention of fixing the penguin.
- 5+ 4- 1
Don't Hurt Me!
Man on Bicycle: "Don't hurt me! Don't hurt me!"
Irving Zisman: "Hurt you? I'm 86 years old!"
Man on Bicycle: "Don't hurt me!"
Irving Zisman may be 86 years old but he's put fear into one random man on a bicycle in this scene. Hopefully his tactic if screaming "don't hurt me" repeatedly will be a good defense.
- 6+ 4- 2
One of These Girls Is a Grandpa
Irving Zisman: "You're a pretty little girl. You got it?"
…Child Beauty Pageant Contestant: "One of these girls is a grandpa!"
Woman: "Is that weird?"
Child Beauty Pageant Mother: "We've just never seen it so it's different."
Irving and Billy decide to have some fun by dressing Billy as a little girl and entering him into a child pageant. The other mothers are surprised but they have not idea what's in store next, a striptease.
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