- 1+ 20- 1
A Big Heart
Elizabeth: "So did you and your wife just move to town?"
Scott: "I'm not married. I actually just got out of a relationship. (shows picture of his amply endowed ex) She has such big heart."
Elizabeth knows now what she has to do. She must, she must, she must increase her bust! If she wants to snag Scott (and his family money), it's time to have some plastic surgery to get herself a big...heart.
- 2+ 59- 11
Mad At It Added by: Kel Varnsen
Elizabeth: "Get yourself hard, 'cause I'm going to suck your dick like I'm mad at it."
- 3+ 10- 0
Difficult Time Added by: Mark
Russell: "That was a nice thing you did for him."
Elizabeth: "He was going through a difficult time."
Russell: "I am going through a difficult time. May I have your panties?"
Elizabeth: "I'm not wearing any."
- 4+ 9- 0
What I Know Added by: Kel Varnsen
Elizabeth: "I tell you what I know. A kid who wears the same gymnastics sweatshirt three days a week isn't getting laid until he's 29. that's what I know."
- 5+ 8- 0
Throw Through Her
Russell: "Twilight, What did we talk about in class? Don’t throw at her. Throw through her."
Students: "Hit her! Hit her! Hit her!"
Russell, it seems, is definitely still smarting from Elizabeth's rejection. Revenge is sweet.
- 6+ 8- 0v
Student: "We're having our car wash this weekend. Last year's car wash raised six thousand dollars."
Elizabeth: "Let's do this."
Clips of a soaking wet, scantily-clad Elizabeth slithering around on cars while bagging big bucks at the school car wash will likely sell some serious movie tickets for 'Bad Teacher.' Yep.
- 7+ 30- 9
I Don't Give a F**kv
Lynn: "Are you excited for tomorrow?"
Elizabeth: "Is tomorrow Saturday?"
Lynn: "No, it's the first day of school."
Elizabeth: "Yeah, I'm not going to go to that."
Lynn: "But it's mandatory."
Elizabeth: "Ooooohhh! I don't give a f**k."
She really doesn't. Not one F. Elizabeth's sole purpose is not to educate wonderful young minds. No, she's in it to win herself a husband - and a boob job. What other motivation does a teacher need?
- 8+ 17- 3
It's Medicinal Marijuana
Elizabeth: "What do you want?"
Student: "Is that marijuana?!"
Elizabeth: "No. It's medicinal marijuana."
Student: "Oh. Well, feel better!"
Something tells me Elizabeth's medicinal marijuana isn't legit.
- 9+ 15- 3
Russell: "You're out of your mind. There is no way Lebron will ever beat Jordon. Nobody will ever been Jordan, okay?"
Shawn: "Lebron's a better rebounder and passer."
Russell: "Will you let me finish? Can you let me finish? Call me when Lebron has 6 championships."
Shawn: "Is that your only arguement?"
Russell: "That's the ONLY argument I need, Shawn!"
So funny (and timely)! Unless you're a Lebron fan. Then, maybe not so much.
- 10+ 6- 0
You're Not Her Type
Scott: "I don’t know how to say this, I’m kinda nervous. I’m crushing on someone."
Elizabeth: "I think you’re pretty great too."
Scott: "Thanks. It’s Amy."
Elizabeth: "I don’t think that you’re Amy’s type."
Elizabeth: "She hates cock."
Bad teacher Elizabeth...BAD teacher!
- 11+ 11- 2
Still a Gym Teacher?
Russell: "Hey Elizabeth, do you wanna like, grab a bit sometime?"
Elizabeth: "You still a gym teacher?"
Russell: "I am. Yeah."
Elizabeth: "Then, no."
Russell: "Ok, cool. Well, awesome. This went great. Alright."
Poor Russell Gettis. He's got it bad for Elizabeth, but he's lacking a critical thing: wealth. And Elizabeth is lacking something critical too: a soul.
- 12+ 13- 4
Sign My Yearbook?
Elizabeth: "Sign my yearbook?"
Russell: "Hold by ball sack?"
Russell utters this line, of course, while holding a large bag of soccer balls. What did you THINK he meant? Get your mind out of the gutter!
- 13+ 9- 1
Lynn: "I love how his eyes sparkle when he smiles."
Elizabeth: "I want to sit on his face."
Cameron Diaz is perfect for this movie. Delivering raunchy lines seems to be her calling.
- 14+ 4- 1
Lynn: "Hey. Welcome back. A bunch of us are going out tonight to see Period Five play - do you wanna come?"
Elizabeth: "Period Five?"
Lynn: "Yeah, the teacher band."
Elizabeth: (laughing) "I'd rather get shot in the face." (Leaves restroom, enters school hallway)
Elizabeth: (lighting up) "Hey!"
Scott: "So, are you guys coming to the Palace tonight? My band's gonna do a few songs."
Elizabeth: "You're in Period Five?!"
Scott: "You're looking at the new rhythm guitarist and backup vocalist! Should be fun."
Elizabeth: "Should be amazing! Lynn, you wanna come?"
Poor Lynn. Elizabeth's just trampling her. If you had any doubts that she's an evil, scheming woman, you won't after seeing this.
- 15+ 4- 2
There She Isv
Amy: "There she is! Elizabeth Halsey! I am so excited we're gonna be across-the-hall mates but I'm so sad it's because your relationship ended."
Elizabeth: "Who are you again?"
Amy: "Amy Squirrel."
Amy: "Yeah. You know...(makes squirrel sounds). Don't worry you were kind of a lone wolf last year and so busy planning the wedding..."
Elizabeth: "I found him in bed with somebody else."
Amy: "Oh my gosh!"
Elizabeth: "It was another man."
Amy: "Shut the front door!"
Lucy Punch, as teacher Amy Squirrel (yes, unfortunate name for a teacher - or for anyone to be honest), promises to deliver a hugely funny performance in 'Bad Teacher.' Her straight-arrow yin to Elizabeth's hot mess, offensive yang is one to watch.
- 16+ 3- 1
Running for Congress
Elizabeth (to student): "Stop dressing like you're running for Congress."
Thanks to Elizabeth, this girl is gonna be in therapy for a long, long time.
- 17+ 3- 1
Setting An Example
Elizabeth: "I don’t need a blackboard or a classroom to set an example."
No, what you need is a conscience. And maybe some morals. And a pink slip. Fast.
- 18+ 4- 3
For All the Right Reasonsv
Elizabeth: "When I first started teaching, I thought that I was doing it for all the right reasons: Shorter hours, summers off, no accountability..."
And isn't what why all teachers choose this profession?
- 19+ 3- 2
Elizabeth: "If I got a new pair of boobs, he’d be all over me. But they’re really expensive you know."
Lynn: "Yeah and you gotta get two of them. Who knows? Maybe you'll win the bonus."
Elizabeth: "What bonus?!"
Lynn: "For the state test. Whichever teacher has the highest scoring class gets a bonus..."
So, she's gotta work doubly hard at the job she hates to pay for the boobies? Damn, Elizabeth's life is rough. Good thing she has her (two) priorities straight!
- 20+ 3- 3
Recess is Over
Elizabeth: "Things are about to change around here. Recess is over!"
Elizabeth now has her goal: To win a bonus to pay for her boob job. To do this, her class needs the highest test scores. Can she rise to the occasion and, you know, actually teach something?