Barney Stinson Quotes By Movie and TV Quotes [174 more lists]

The best Barney Stinson quotes include words of wisdom from this womanizing, totally hypocritical and yet strangely awesome character on the CBS series 'How I Met Your Mother.' For seven seasons, Barney (Neil Patrick Harris) has offered up his philosophies about life, love and relationships, providing a road map for players everywhere. This list includes some of the greatest, most memorable Barney Stinson quotes ever. True story. Be sure to vote for your favorites, and if you don't see your personal favorite Barney quote listed, add it.

Some of Barney Stinson's best quotes from 'How I Met Your Mother' discuss his awesomeness - what else? When he's sad, sick, or just generally feeling blah, he decides to ""be awesome instead."" Simple as that. We should all be as awesome as Barney. And then, there are the suits: Barney is rarely ever seen not wearing a suit, and he expects this level of great fashion from everyone around him, so ""Suit up!""

Barney Stinson quotes also involve his theories: From the Lemon Law to the Three Days Rule, Barney is quick to share these theories with anyone who will listen. Then, there are the holidays: Barney enjoys Halloween (and the s**tty costumes) and he also recommends spreading joy during the holiday season by giving the ""gift of booty."" Barney also loves ""bimbos,"" and he doesn't hesitate to tell you why.

Enjoy these hilarious Barney Stinson quotes from 'HIMYM' and again, add the ones you don't see - everyone needs more Barney-isms.

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When I Get Sad

When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.
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Lemon Law

Last night, epiphany! I realized what the world of dating needs, ready? A Lemon Law. From the moment the date begins you have five minutes to decide whether you're going to commit to an entire evening. And if you don't, it's no hard feelings, thanks for playing, see you never. The Lemon Law: It's going to be a thing.
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Suit Up

Suits are full of joy. They're the sartorial equivalent of a baby's smile.
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Top 10 List

Ladies and gentlemen: I have in my hand a copy of tonight's top 10 list. The category: Top 10 things i would have called my truck...if Ted hadn't been a jerk and given it back. Number 10 - 'The Winne-Bango.' Number 9 - 'The Pick-Up Truck.' Number 8 - 'The Ford Explore Her.' Number 7 - 'The You Scream Truck.' You Scream. Number 6 - 'Feels on Wheels!' Hello! Number 5 - 'The Ride Her Truck.' Number 4 - 'The 18-Squeeler.' Number 3 - 'The Esca-Laid.' He he heee! Number 2 - 'The Slam-Boney.' And the number one thing I would've called my truck if Ted hadn't been a jerk and given it back: 'The '69 Chevy'!
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Awesome Gland

In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland. True story.
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Three Days Rule: Jesus

Jesus started the whole 'wait three days' thing. Hewaited three days to come back to life. It was perfect. If he had only waited one day, a lot of people wouldn't have even heard he died. They'd be all, "Hey Jesus, what up?" and Jesus would probably be like, "What up? I died yesterday!" and they'd be all, "Uh, you look pretty alive to me, dude" and then Jesus would have to explain how he was resurrected, and how it was a miracle, and then the dude'd be like "Uh okay, whatever you say, bro..." And he's not gonna come back on a Saturday. Everybody's busy, doing chores, workin' the loom, trimmin' the beard, NO. He waited the perfect number of days, three. Plus it's Sunday, so everyone's in church already, and they're all in there like "Oh no, Jesus is dead", then bam! He bursts in the back door, runs up the aisle, everyone's totally psyched, and FYI, that's when he invented the high five. Three days. That's why we wait three days to call a woman, because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait. True story.
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Legend Dairy

It's gonna be legend-... wait for it... and I hope you're not lactose intolerant because the second half of that word is dairy!
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Girl Friend

Your girlfriend? She's your girl.. friend? She's a girl and a friend? Do not humanize the enemy, Ted.
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Bimbos

Bimbos make me happy. Bimbos make me feel alive. Bimbos make me want to pretend to be a better man.
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Pep Talk

Pep talk: You can do this, but to be more accurate, you probably can't. You're way out of practice and she's way too hot for you. So, remember, tonight isn't about scoring. It's about believing you can do it, even though you probably can't. Go get 'em, tiger!
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Wait a Month for Sex

The only reason to wait a month for sex is if the girl is 17 years, 11 months old.
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Sundae of Awesomeness

Here's the mini-cherry on top of the regular cherry on top of the sundae of awesomeness that is my life.
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God, What Up?

God, it's me, Barney. What up? I know we don't talk much, though a lot of girls call out your name because of me. Awesome...
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Broda

Think of me like Yoda, but instead of being little and green I wear suits and I'm awesome. I'm your bro...I'm Broda!
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Bang Someone in Need

This is the time of year when we remember the importance of giving. And there's no greater gift than the gift of booty. So, this holiday season, why not bang someone in need?
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Stop Being Sick, Be Awesome

Whenever I start feeling sick, I just stop being sick and be awesome instead . True story.
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Pretty Girl

I wanna see a pretty girl...I'll be cool.
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Idiots

I'm surrounded by idiots! IDIOTS!
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Breast Implants

There are only two reasons to date a girl you've already dated: breast implants.
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Spare Halloween Costume

Every Halloween I bring a spare costume, in case I strike out with the hottest girl at the party. That way, I have a second chance to make a first impression.
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