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Ménage à troisvDeclare your resolution to be to engage in a threesome. It's not just for promiscuous college students anymore. Just make sure your grandma doesn't walk in during your sensual escapade.
Don't ApologizeThis year be you. Don't apologize for anything. Spilled a drink on someone? Just look at them like it's their fault. Let the door slam on the person behind you? Just keep walking. Let one go in the elevator? Give a grimacing look to the person on your left. Let's everyone try it and see what happens.
Goof OffvEveryone wants to waste less time but why? We have plenty of time might as well goof off. Turn even simply mundane tasks into exciting adventures. Even our troops manage to enjoy the simple pleasures of life by goofing off. Check out this seriously kick ass clip. Definitely something you should try at home.
Party More Not LessThe recession has shown us life can suck. Make the most of it and party as often as possible. Fill the office water cooler with Vodka, feed techno music into the office intercom and bang that hot barista you drool over every morning. Take the bull by the horns and make some hamburgers.
Ignore Your ChildrenThese are hard times and you don't really get around to spending time with the kiddies. Now that kids have facebook and myspace to raise them you can relax and spend more time on your facebook and myspace. Check out this clip and see what ingenious s**t kids do without parental supervision.
Air QuotesvEveryone loves air quotes. Use them in every conversation throughout the year. Even better use them in every sentence in every conversation. This is especial useful when explaining things to your boss. He'll love it when you repeat his own words back to him with air quotes.
ProcrastinatevMost people resolve to procrastinate less. Be bold and differentiate yourself from the crowd. Declare this New Year's to procrastinate or wait till tomorrow.
ClichevThis new year resolve to use cliches and cheesy quotes in as many conversations as possible. Someone gets pregnant tell them "that's the way the cookie crumbles". Your spouse asks you to clean the house, tell them "homie don't play that". Be a bastion of played out cliches and everyone will love you.