G Options B Comments & Embed
- 1+ 8- 2
You Can Do ThisBrooke Swinkowski: [to Destiny] "You can do this. You can take down Laura Pickler. You kick her pasty white ass."
Ethan Emmet: "I don't think I want you hanging out with strippers, OK?"
When Brooke realizes that she has can not beat Laura in butter sculpting, but she still wants to beat Laura, so she does the only obvious thing, recruits a young orphan with talent to win this butter sculpting competition for her.
- 2+ 18- 12
You Don't Have ButterDestiny: "You know how you guys asked if I needed anything?"
Ethan Emmet: "Uh huh"
Destiny: "You don't have butter."
Ethan Emmet: "I'll get you some."
Destiny: "Okay, I'm going to need like 200 pounds."
When someone asks for butter, generally they need maybe a tablespoon or two for their bread. So when Destiny asks for 200 pounds, her foster father Ethan wonders what the heck she's planning.
- 3+ 12- 7
What This Competition Is AboutLaura Pickler: "Before you cast what may be the most important vote of your lifetime, I'd like to remind you what this contest is about. It is about excellence in butter. From what I've seen here today my faith in this panel's commitment to excellence has been challenged. Unless I'm mistaken it seems like some people seem to think this competition is about who's the most disadvantaged, who's had the hardest life, who's had to overcome the most just to get here. Well I'm sorry that I was born white and tall and pretty. And I'm sorry that I have spent my life working hard trying to do the right thing because I thought that's what this competition was about. I just hope when you vote you remember that. Thank you. God bless America."
Addressing the judges at the big butter sculpting competition, Laura Pickler attempts to influence their opinion of her. Laura is intimidated by a young African-American girl who might just steal the top prize right from under her nose.
- 4+ 10- 6
The Scarlet LetterBrooke Swinkowski: "I present to you The Scarlet Letter... For those of you who don't know it's a movie starring Demi Moore."
Oh Brooke. You tried so hard to make an impressive butter sculpture but you failed miserably. Saying that The Scarlet Letter is a Demi Moore movie isn't helping either.
- 5+ 10- 8
You Owe Me, BobBrooke Swinkowski: "Hey boo"
Bob Pickler: "You can't be here."
Brooke Swinkowski: "No but you still owe me money, remember. You never gave me the rest of the money. Butt ain't free."
Bob Pickler: "This isn't happening."
Brooke Swinkowski: "But you said you loved me, Bob."
Bob Pickler: "That was a little early for me."
Brooke Swinkowski: "But we did it. I never do it with guys from the club, Bob."
Kaitlen Pickler: "Dad, who's that?"
Bob Pickler: "Nobody"
Brooke Swinkowski: "Nobody?!"
Kaitlen Pickler: "Is she a hooker?"
Bob Pickler: "No, no, no"
Kaitlen Pickler: "I like her boots."
Bob Pickler: "Those are army boots. She's a recruiter."
Kaitlen Pickler: "Wait, is she your hooker? Cause I totally understand if she is."
Bob Pickler: "Kaitlen, go back to the table right now."
Brooke Swinkowski: "Nobody?! Nobody, Bob?!"
Bob Pickler: "Brooke, can't we do this over email?"
Brooke Swinkowski: "Bob, I'm gonna s*** on the hood of your car."
Bob Pickler: "I see you are definitely a passionate woman."
Brooke Swinkowski: "You have two minutes to get me that money or I swear to god."
Bob Pickler: "I'm sorry, Brooke. I can't. I'm married."
Brooke Swinkowski: "You know what, f*** you. You are just like my father."
Bob Pickler: "My wife controls the checkbook."
Brooke Swinkowski: "Your wife, Bob? I can't believe your going to let your wife come between us. I thought you had morals."
Bob Pickler: "Okaaay"
Brooke Swinkowski: "You tell your wife to watch her back."
Bob Pickler: "Will do. Thanks!"
Brooke Swinkowski: "F*** you, Bob!"
Bob Pickler: "No thank you, we have plenty of steak knives."
Laura Pickler: "You owe me, Bob. You owe me big."
Bob's peaceful night of dinner at home with the family just went from bad to worse. Not only did his stripper friend Brooke arrive (via bicycle) to demand money but his wife just happens to overhear the conversation and go on to make demands of her own.
- 6+ 8- 8
The Race CardLaura Pickler: "It's amazing, isn't it?"
Carol-Ann Stevenson: "I think that might be Harriet Tubman."
Laura Pickler: "I mean she obviously decided to play the race card."
Laura Pickler is clearly intimidated by young rival Destiny, though its not quite clear if Laura is more focused on Destiny's race or her actual butter sculpting skills.
- 7+ 5- 6
Bearing His ChildrenBrooke Swinkowski: "You came between me and my man."
Laura Pickler: "Bob is my husband. I plan on proudly bearing his children."
Brooke Swinkowski: "So, I get pregnant like once a month."
Completely oblivious as to whose man Bob actually is, stripper Brooke confronts Bob's wife, Laura. Unsurprisingly, Brooke uses the fact that she gets pregnant monthly as a positive argument as to why she's better.
- 8+ 6- 8
Butter Into PoliticsLaura Pickler: "I really think Bob and I could parlay this fame we have from butter into politics. I mean, don't be surprised if you see us in the governor's mansion, or the White House."
Laura Pickler has no clue how out of touch she is from the regular person and it shows. Among her delusions includes this grand idea that somehow because her husband is a butter sculpting legend, that would make him a good politician.