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fails Chris Klein's 7 Douchiest Moments: From Auditions, to Acting

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Chris Klein is a joke of an actor and a giant douche. This is a list-tribute to the douchiest moments of one of the worst actors Hollywood has ever seen. Enjoy, cringe, and laugh at one of the worst things that's happened to acting since motion capture technology.

If somehow you haven't heard of him, or just haven't matched a name to a forehead, prepare to be stunned by the Blitzkrieg of non-talent that you are about to experience.

Every One of His Lines in Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li

Check out the video hosted on Vimeo here. 

Now, I expected Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li to be a good movie. I mean, video games ported to film always turn out well, right?

Klein played the role of the badass cop Charlie Nash, who apparently "loves his job."

Funniest part is his tirade at 0:30, when he puts together the whole story behind the "heads of the ruling crime families of Bangkok, correct? Uh-HUH!"

He even gets a little cliche explosion dive at the end.

His Mamma Mia! Audition

Check out the video on CollegeHumor here.

After crediting Mandy Moore as "an angel of all angels," Klein proceeds to provide a disclaimer for his voice, and totally butcher his audition song.

You've gotta wonder what his agent was thinking sending him in for a role like this. Obviously Klein's previous work had nothing to do with singing, so why put him in for something that revolves around having a Broadway-quality voice, like Mamma Mia!?

But look on the bright side. If it wasn't for this leaked tape going viral, he'd still just be that dude from American Pie with the forehead.

He went on to star in a Funny or Die parody video of his own audition, to show that he has a sense of humor about the whole thing (and absolutely no comedic talent whatsoever.)

This video is the equivalent of accidentally calling your girlfriend fat and then appending your statement with the words "but only in those pants."

His First DUI

Wednesday April 13, 2005

"American Pie actor Chris Klein is facing drunk-driving charges after a February arrest in California", Court TV's The Smoking Gun reports.

"Sheriff's deputies pulled over Klein, 26, on Feb. 5 while he was driving a 2003 BMW along a San Diego County highway. According to the criminal complaint, Klein's blood-alcohol level at the time was more than DOUBLE the legal limit (0.08 percent – please remember this part for when you read item #5.)

"The star was briefly booked into a detention facility (under his full name: Frederick Christopher Klein), where he posed for a mug shot and was fingerprinted. Klein is due to be arraigned later this month on misdemeanor charges, which carry a maximum penalty of six months in jail if convicted." -,,1048961,00.html

Klein did his (relatively short) time and then went on to do it again (see item #5), and actually outdid himself in the process!

His Parody Video of His Mamma Mia! Audition

See the video at FunnyOrDie here.

This is really, really sad.

He went on to star in a Funny or Die parody video of his own audition, to show that he has a sense of humor about the whole thing. In the past, whenever an actor makes fun of themselves, it's actually kind of endearing, charming and it really gets their audience back.

Chris Klein's problem? His problem was that he couldn't act.

So what do we get in the end? We get a video of a man who got caught not being able to act, trying to act like he's a bad actor.

His portrayal of himself as a bad actor was even worse acting than the bad acting that got him in trouble in the first place.

This is an example of an actor who has never practiced in front of a mirror and who does not know how to take that (knowing) "isn't this funny?!" smirk off of his face and/or eyes. That's right, he smirks with his eyes.

This video is the equivalent of accidentally calling your girlfriend fat and then appending your statement with the words "but only in those pants."

His Second DUI

June 16, 2010

"Actor Chris Klein was arrested early Wednesday in Los Angeles on suspicion of drunken driving, officials said.

"Klein, 31, best known for his role in the American Pie comedies, was taken into custody about 3:15 a.m., according to California Highway Patrol Officer Patrick Kimball.

"Kimball said officers pulled Klein over after they spotted his black 1999 Chevrolet Blazer weaving across three lanes of traffic on the westbound 101 Freeway at Woodman Avenue."

Klein was about THREE TIMES THE LEGAL LIMIT for drunk driving in California. No idea how one gets THAT drunk and then decides to drive.

"The actor was booked at the Los Angeles Police Department's Van Nuys station for driving under the influence of alcohol and released without bail, Kimball said."

"'Chris took immediate responsibility for what he did and has used this experience in such a positive way to get help to confront an addiction to alcohol," Berk told ‘People’ magazine. "He deserves enormous credit for stepping up and getting it done.'"

Los Angeles Times -

Thaindian News -

What a dangerous, life-endangering douche.

Treats Women Like Crap, Broke Up With 2 Hotties

According to a ridiculous amount of celebrity magazines (you're welcome), Chris Klein broke up with a young, hot, "Dawson's Creek" era Katie Holmes (prior to her becoming part of a creepy, one-person harem) because she was gaining some weight. In an Elle Magazine interview (that's right, he said this in a WOMEN'S magazine interview) he said the following:

"When a woman isn't feeling good about herself and you combine that with her period, eventually she'll ask you if you like her body. You have to say no... I don't placate."

Yep. On ELLE Magazine, baby!

In that same interview, he also admitted to falling in love with most of his female co-stars and counts them all as ones that "got away" (or should we say, "escaped.") This proves that he's not only unprofessional, but a complete and utter creep/douche bag.

"I've got this policy that you don't sleep with them [his co-stars]; it complicates stuff. So it's the Heather Grahams, the Rebecca Romijns, the Mena Suvaris, and the Leelee Sobieskis of the world. They all got away."

"Are we friends? Absolutely. Do we talk? No."

He also broke up with Ginnifer Goodwin. Who looks like this: link.

"Here On Earth"

This piece of melodrama received an 18% on Rotten Tomatoes. Why even try?

Anyway, his smile in the poster, which now also pisses YOU off to no ends, is the reason this item is here.

Andy Klein (no relation) of the New Times wrote:
"Things are not helped by the performances: Klein is simply a stiff, and Sobieski is neither more nor less Joan of Arc here than she was on TV."

Chris Gore of writes:
"Chris Klein has about the intensity of a 25 watt light bulb."

Not sure if it's a subconscious thing or what, but it almost seems like the title of the movie, at first glance, is Hell on Earth. – a movie in which Chris Klein's character befriends a girl and falls in love with her... then makes you watch. His devilish smile on this cover shows that not only his he fully incapable of ever not having a knowing smile, a-la Jimmy Fallon, but that he can't even act as far as smiling goes. And he's a popular Hollywood actor, probably making more than you right now.

Nothing can wash the douche off of Chris Klein. Nothing. Not even Photoshop. So God help us all.