- 1+ 22- 3
Pretty, Pretty, Pretty, Pretty Goodv
Larry: "I'm feeling pretty good. Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty good."
Larry is trying pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty hard to convince his psychiatrist he's feeling good enough to leave therapy. How very (very, very, very) convincing...
- 2+ 9- 2
Vanilla Bulls**t Thingsv
Larry: "I'll have a vanilla... one of the vanilla bulls**t things. You know, whatever you want, some vanilla bulls**t latte, cappa thing. Whatever you got - I don't care."
Who hasn't wanted to say this to their local barista at one point or another? Maybe not exactly this way - but Larry David once again manages to tap into our frustrations with this classic quote.
- 3+ 9- 2
Larry: "You're black and your last name is Black? That's like if my name was Larry Jew."
Larry's little "joke" is completely lost on the Black family - thankfully. So thankfully.
- 4+ 11- 4
Jeff: "No, no, no."
Larry: "Big vagina?"
Jeff: "Gigantic vagina."
Jeff: "Biggest vagina known to man. It's huge."
Larry: "You're kidding me, are you telling me the truth?"
Jeff: "It's gigantic."
Definitely need a little context with this: Jeff's ego took a huge blow when his ex claimed he had a small penis. So, to soothe said bruised ego, Jeff tells Larry that the ex's vagina was...well, cavernous.
- 5+ 9- 3
The Stop and Chatv
Jeff: Why didn't you say 'hello' to him? You know him.
Larry: "He wanted to do a 'stop and chat,' I didn't want to do a 'stop and chat.'
Jeff: "Stop and chat? Where do you come up with these things, stop and chat?"
Larry: "He wanted to stop and chat with me - and I don't know him well enough for a stop and chat."
Ah, the stop and chat. Who hasn't been there? The 'stop and chat' can be downright painful - Larry avoids it at all costs.
- 6+ 6- 1
Get in that A**v
Leon: "When a man calls you a f**king f*ggot, you get in that ass Larry, you know what i mean? You get in that ass Larry!"
Larry: "What are you talking about?"
Leon: "You let a man slide today, you must immediately get inside somebody's ass when that happens to you. You pull the asshole open, step into the asshole, close the door behind you. Then you take a spray can right, spray Larry was here, wash me all that s**t, f**k his whole asshole up. Get a snickers bar, paper, throw that on the floor, f**k his whole asshole up. Then you open up that asshole one more time, step out his ass, then leave that motherf**ker wide open so he know you've been there."
Leon, ever the wise one, offers some sage advice to Larry about dealing with jerks in life. You don't just kick their ass - oh no. You crawl INTO it and mess stuff up even more.
- 7+ 7- 3
Nancy Big Tits
Larry: "I got Shawn Yoga, the Yoga instructor. Teresa masseuse."
Leon: "I do the same thing. Like right here, look look, Nancy big t**s, I know Nancy got big ass tiits. Janelle sweet ass. That's the only way I know who the f**k it is."
Who saves contacts under headings like "Nancy Big T**s?" Leon Black, that's who.
- 8+ 6- 2
Are You My Caucasian?v
Larry: "Are you my Caucasian?"
Krazee: "I'm your…"
Larry: "Are you my Caucasian?"
Krazee: "I'm your mother f**king Caucasian."
Krazee-Eyez Killah, who could forget him? Larry sure can't. And really, who else would a wanna-be rapper want helping him write his sick rhymes?
- 9+ 5- 2
Talking During Sex
Cheryl: "It's about talking during sex."
Larry: "So? So I talk during sex. So what."
Cheryl: "Yeah but it's not dirty talk you chit chat."
Yet another reason that Cheryl's leaving Larry. In case you wondered, he apparently does his usual 'chit chat' during intimate moments. Can anyone blame this woman for taking off? Really?
- 10+ 4- 1
Pee Sitting Downv
Marty: "Why do you pee sitting down?"
Larry: "Many reasons."
Marty: "Do you crap standing up?"
And Larry lays out all of these reasons for Jeff - it's more comfy, he doesn't have to wake up by turning on the light at night to pee and, best of all, he can sometimes read the entire New York Times if he pees a lot during the day. Practical man, that Larry David.
- 11+ 9- 7
Larry: "F**k Hhhhugh."
Hugh: "F**k you."
Larry: "F**k Hhhhhugh, Hhhugh, Hhhugh."
Larry has clearly had enough of his business manager, Hugh. So much so that he hurls his expletive with a little extra "hhhhhhhhhh."
- 12+ 4- 2
Denise: "Who the hell is she?"
Larry: "Wendy wheelchair."
Wendy: "Who's she."
Larry: "Denise handicapped."
How exactly does Larry manage to get himself in to these situations? He's shoved Wendy in the closet, hoping Denise doesn't see her. And, in true 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' style, he's busted - and chased by two wheelchair-bound, angry women. Oh, and Rosie O'Donnell.
- 13+ 5- 4
Proclivity to Chop Sticksv
Larry: "Have you noticed if she has any proclivity for chop sticks?"
Guy: "Why? Why would she have a proclivity for chop sticks Larry?"
Larry: "Well she's Chinese."
Guy: "Do you think she is also a Kung Fu master?"
Oh dear GOD Larry, wtf seriously? This particular exchange is one of the most uncomfortable scenes EVER. Just stop Larry, STOP!
- 14+ 2- 1
The Jet Streamv
Weatherman: "Larry, there's a low pressure system sitting out over the coast, the jet stream brings that into this area, the jet stream is controlled by the rotation of the Earth, you know who controls that? God!"
Larry: "You know what? There's a jet stream of bulls**t coming out of your mouth my friend, you are busted buddy!"
Who hasn't wanted to tell off a weatherman? Larry does it for all of us. He's pissed that he missed out on his golf game and suspects the weatherman - er - "meteorologist" - actually issuing bogus forecasts - to clear the golf course so he can play.
- 15+ 4- 4
Larry: "Why do Christians take everything so personally with Christ? You know? It's like, not only do you have to worship Him, you want everybody to. It's like, I eat lobster. Do I go around pushing lobster on people? Do I say, "You must like lobster! It's good, it's good." It's not only where you live. You go to Africa. You travel all over the world. "Eat lobster! Have some more lobster! It's good." "We want you to have lobster!"
This classic Larry David quote comes about as he and his wife discuss a baptism they're attending. Of course, this leads to a classic, and hilarious, Larry rant about religion.