- 1+ 48- 13
We Have a Chevyv
Barnabas Collins: "How soon can the horses be ready?"
Elizabeth Collins Stoddard: "We don't have horses, we have a Chevy."
Barnabas, not surprisingly, has a bit of trouble adjusting to life in the early-1970s. What's a Chevy, exactly?
- 2+ 26- 3
Carolyn Stoddard: "Are you stoned or something?"
Barnabas Collins: "They tried stoning me, my dear. It did not work."
Carolyn Stoddard (Chloe Moretz) is the rebellious teen daughter of the family. She takes an instant dislike to Barnabas -- but she hates everything. That includes 200-year-old vampire relatives.
- 3+ 28- 6
Place Your Lips Upon My Posteriorv
Angelique Bouchard: "Hello, Barnabas. Remember me?"
Barnabas Collins: "Witch! You cursed me to be this hideous creature! You may strategically place your wonderful lips upon my posterior and kiss it repeatedly!"
When Barnabas emerges from his coffin, he finds that Angelique (Eva Green), the witch who condemned him hundreds of years ago, has become one of the most powerful people in Collinsport. A power struggle is coming -- a big one.
- 4+ 20- 3
Barnabas Collins: "What is your age, if I may?"
Carolyn Stoddard: "Fifteen."
Barnabas Collins: "Fifteen, and no husband? You must put those birthing hips to good use at once, lest your womb shrivel up and die."
Carolyn Stoddard: "You're weird."
Telling Barnabas Collins he's "weird" is actually a compliment, of sorts. Barnabas has definitely got a hang-up about birthing hips, including those belonging to 10-year-old David Collins' governess, Victoria (Bella Heathcote).
- 5+ 19- 3
Carolyn Stoddard: "I guess the only thing missing is Alice Cooper."
Barnabas Collins: "Well, she should be our guest, nonetheless!" (watches Alice Cooper singing) "Ugliest woman I've ever seen!"
Alice Cooper does make an appearance in 'Dark Shadows,' singing "No More Mr. Nice Guy." This song, and Cooper's "Ballad Of Dwight Fry," are both on the 'Dark Shadows' movie soundtrack (along with hits from Barry White, Iggy Pop, T. Rex and The Moody Blues).
- 6+ 17- 3
Never Having to Say Sorry
Barnabas Collins (to members of a hippie commune): "Love means never having to say you're sorry. However, it is with sincere regret that I must now kill all of you."
Johnny Depp has said that as a child, he loved 'Dark Shadows' and actually wanted to BE Barnabas Collins. He's getting his wish in this movie remake, and he's definitely going for campy laughs. Character-wise, Depp says he was most influenced by the actor who played the original Barnabas, Jonathan Frid.
- 7+ 10- 2
Barnabas Collins (looks at TV for the first time): "What sorcery is this?!" (unplugs TV) "Reveal yourself, tiny songstress!"
Imagine Barnabas' surprise when he discovers television for the first time. And imagine his horror when the first thing he sees is The Carpenters ("tiny songstress" Karen Carpenter) singing "Top of the World." This song, along with several other 70s-era classics, is featured on the 'Dark Shadows' soundtrack.
- 8+ 8- 3
Barnabas Collins: "Tell me, future dweller, what is the year?"
Willie Loomis: "1972."
Barnabas Collins: "1972? Here me, future dweller, you shall be my loyal servant until such time as I release you."
In 'Dark Shadows,' Barnabas Collins spent 200 years locked in a vault before finally being freed, unknowingly, by a group of grave robbers. Now, he's having some trouble adapting to life in the 20th Century, and he needs someone to help him. Caretaker Willie Loomis (Jackie Earle Haley) is just the guy for the job.
- 9+ 8- 3
Condemned to the Shadowsv
Barnabas Collins: "My name is Barnabas Collins. Two centuries ago, I made Collinwood my home... until a jealous witch cursed me, condemning me to the shadows, for all time."
Barnabas made the tragic mistake of upsetting powerful witch Angelique Bouchard in 1792. As a result, she cursed him -- turning him into a vampire and then immediately having him locked in a coffin, where he remained for 200 years. Now THAT is some serious vengeance.
- 10+ 8- 5
Locked in a Boxv
Barnabas Collins: "Have you any idea what you put me through?"
Angelique Bouchard: "Barnabas, get over it."
Barnabas Collins: "Locked in a box for two hundred years!"
Angelique Bouchard: "Don't exaggerate, it was only a hundred and ninety-six."
Angelique's jealousy led her to punish Barnabas. He's really a pretty nice guy, even as a blood-sucking vampire. But he really hates Angelique, so expect some serious fights to ensue.