Easy Secrets to a Good Relationship (for Heterosexual Her) By Lillian Behrendt [16 more lists]
A healthy relationship is actually pretty easy to maintain. You could go out and buy thousands of books or issues of Cosmo to try to clue you into what your man is thinking, or you could save your time and your money by just reading my little list.
- 1
Calm Down
Seriously.
Take some deep breaths.
Chances are, you've been poisoned by the media into thinking you should be some kind of super goddess girlfriend who is simultaneously an independent woman, a damsel in distress, a nice girl and a total skank-- all the while maintaining a supermodel body and perfect hair.
Stop stressing, girl. It's all going to be okay. Let me show you something.
Get out of that ridiculous outfit and into a wifebeater and boxers.
Don't you feel more comfortable? I bet you do. And you know what? You still look totally hot. This brings me to Step 2.
Note: Step 1 is the most important step, and will be repeated throughout the list. If an issue isn't addressed below (lots aren't), always start with this step. You've been conditioned to doubt yourself, and you'll do stupid things if you don't calm down first. -
- 2
Be Yourself
Hey hey cliché, but it's the truth.
Your guy is with you because he likes YOU. Men are simple creatures. They don't generally go for a girl because he thinks she has "potential." So remember Step 1 and don't be self-conscious.
If you keep it real, he'll keep it real. Remember, this is supposed to be FUN! Don't make it into a chore by trying to keep up an act.
It is impossible to have a good relationship if you don't feel comfortable around each other, and that always eventually means letting him see that you're not perfectly gorgeous ALL THE TIME.
(Hint: if he takes care of you without complaint when you're throwing up from food poisoning, congratulations, you've caught yourself a good one.) - 3
It's Not All About You
Scenario: He just got home from a long day at work, a visit with some a*****e relative, heavy traffic or any kind of unpleasant experience. You're in a good mood and want to cuddle or get sexy or talk. He snaps at you uncharacteristically.
Your first thought might be wondering what you did wrong. Before you start freaking out, repeat Step 1.
Listen, you may be the center of his universe, but you're still not the center of every individual thing that goes on in his life. If you're not aware of doing anything wrong, 99% of the time, you're totally in the clear.
Now, what would YOU want if the situation was reversed? Crying hysterics? Of course not. You want what relationships are all about: loving support. Show concern and open up the floor for some venting, but make sure not to be accusatory. Instead of a sarcastic "SOMEBODY'S in a bad mood," try a calm, concerned "Tough day?" -
- 4
Know Your Partner
I know this sounds really obvious, but it's scary how many people don't do this.
When your partner is upset, you should create an environment in which HE feels safe, not necessarily the one you would desire if you were in his shoes.
If he likes to rant when he's upset, listen to him. As long as he's talking about an aspect of his life that has nothing to do with you, don't bother arguing with him when he's upset. Just listen and let the boy vent. Remain calm and supportive, agree with him wherever appropriate. Things like "your boss did THAT? You have every reason to be angry" are surprisingly really helpful. He'll tire himself out eventually and you'll be there with a smile and a hug to remind him that the nightmare is over.
If he likes silence when he's upset, give him his space. Give him the opportunity to talk, but if he's resistant, leave it at a "I'm sorry you had such a tough day, let me know if I can do anything," pick up a book, and let him cool off on his own. If he's stressed out, unwanted attention will probably just make him feel like YOU'RE the one who needs to be taken care of.
When in doubt, just ask, don't guess. Which leads me to Step 5. - 5
Be Direct
Hints are stupid. He's probably not psychic and you probably aren't either.
If he does something that bothers you, tell him. Remember your school guidance counselor mad libs? Now is the time to bring them back.
Repeat after me:
"When you (ACTION), I feel (EMOTION)."
Example: "When you READ THE PAPER WHEN WE GO OUT TO BREAKFAST, I feel LIKE I'M NOT IMPORTANT TO YOU."
This can be positive as well as negative.
Example: "When you GIVE ME THE BIGGER PIECE OF BROWNIE, I feel LOVED AND TAKEN CARE OF."
So simple and so effective. In the first case, you are clear and honest instead of appearing upset for no reason. In the second, you give him information about yourself. Now he knows that an action as simple as sharing pastries can really mean a lot to you.
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Easy Secrets to a Good Relationship (for Heterosexual Her) at 8/18/2009 7:11 PM
I hope my criticism didn't disturb you too much Lil, but i was just offering a MAN's perspective.
Easy Secrets to a Good Relationship (for Heterosexual Her) at 8/19/2009 8:34 AM