Whatever the reason, nothing kicks nostalgia in its warm fuzzy nuts like FACTS. Facts stick to your favorite childhood stuff like scented scratch 'n' sniff stickers. The true facts on this list will leave your favorite childhood films in question, and you'll never be able to enjoy them in the same way again.
From Finding Nemo, to classics like The Wizard of Oz, what are the true stories behind some of your favorite kids movies? Read through the list below to have these movies ruined for you. I mean if you didn't come here to have your entire your Disney childhood ruined, then I have no idea why you clicked on this to begin with. We all knew that Simba and Nala having sex was a weird moment for all of us and we all knew that the Nemo thing was also pretty messed up. But here we are. Let's rip this band-aid off.
Timon/Pumbaa Watched Nala/Simba Have Sex... While Singing About It
Upon seeing Nala's sex-face while they were kids, a generation of furries was born.
The Lion King’s Simba and Nala were Disney’s version Zach and Kelly from "Saved By The Bell," even down to a hit love ballad and a romantic-romance-rekindling-in-the-woods montage to rival any Robin Hood film. Who could forget that beautiful moment when they finally looked into each other’s eyes, rubbed heads, and had a crap load of spring break style off screen lion sex? Simba’s buddies Timon and Pumba certainly remember, because they watched the entire thing. And sang about it while it was happening.On the one hand, they don’t have a lot going on besides eating bugs and farting. But on the other hand, put yourself in Simba’s paws. It’s your first time and she’s your dream girl. Yet your pervy uncle is watching behind the closet door. It gets worse. You can hear him singing about what you’re doing. Can you feel the love tonight? Hell, can you even get the love up tonight?
Upon Nemo's Mother's Death, Marlin Would've Turned Into a Female and Mated with Nemo
Would this make Dory Creon?
Finding Nemo is probably one of the best Pixar movies. Albert Brooks acts his heart out as Marlin, the clown fish father of young, lost Nemo, whom he undertakes a desperate adventure to find. His comedic foil, Dory, is so funny and endearing that she’s getting her own spin off movie. Throw in a fantastic set of supporting characters from Crush, the surfer turtle, to sharks that have sworn off fish, and you have a fantastic movie.
Except that Nemo’s facts about clownfish are WAY off. If you’re going to anthropomorphize an animal, at least get a few things straight. Clownfish are sequential hermaphrodites, meaning they are males first, and develop into females as they mature. So, Marlin should have been Marla, and would have never been friends with Dory because chicks, amiright? And with only two clownfish present, Nemo would have been first in line to mate with his mom. This becomes a much different movie, and probably a play at a lot of fringe theatre festivals, if Pixar was to have gotten their science right.
What are the odds that there is already some erotic fanfiction out there correcting this oversight?
… Probably pretty good.
Velociraptors Sounds From Jurassic Park Are Really Turtles Having Sex
Is there anything cooler or more terrifying than the velociraptors in Jurassic Park? The answer is no. No, there is not. They hunt in packs, they are problem solving predators, and if they could, one would have earned its pilot license.
And of course, there are the super scary and intense noises they make, which have haunted your dreams since you first saw those things stalk Timmy and Lex into that kitchen. Those completely inhuman snarls and barks that made your lame little sister hide her eyes... are actually the sounds of turtles having sex.
Sound designer Gary Rydstrom was recording sounds for the film at Marine World when an employee asked if he wanted to record the turtles having sex. It sounded like a good idea and that he’d get plenty of audio, since with turtles, slow and steady wins the race.And besides, what else were the employees at Marine World going to be doing that day? Not sit around watching turtles get it on?
Super Shredder Was Played By An Injury-Prone Wrestler Nobody Liked
Huge improvement, chico.
How in the hell do you top a Ninja Turtle fight sequence so awesome that it inspired Vanilla Ice and his crew to spontaneously group write a song and dance number? By mutating Shredder into… THE SUPER SHREDDER! Super Shredder! He’s awesome! He’s huge! He hates docks! He’s...
Well, he’s Kevin Nash, a super boring and injury prone pro wrestler.
He's landed other sweet gigs like WCW’s Oz and WWF’s super cool Diesel (a Pixar version of a Sons of Anarchy extra). I mean, Super Shreds is sort of a chump anyway, since he gets taken out by some falling wood, but at least he was able to walk 6 steps before an injury took him out.If they really wanted a pro wrestler to play Super Shredder, they should have cast Nash’s best friend Scott Hall, AKA the WWF’s Razor Ramon.