Funny Christmas Movie Quotes

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Funny Christmas movie quotes include the absolute most hilarious lines from holiday comedy movies. What are quotes from funny christmas movies? From modern Christmas movie classics like A Christmas Story and National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation to the newest holiday movie releases like Arthur Christmas, these movies keep us laughing long after Santa arrives, gifts are opened and friends and family depart. Which Christmas movies have the funniest quotes? Behold, the greatest, funniest quotes from Christmas movies for young and old! Is your all-time favorite, funniest Christmas film quote not on the list? Definitely add it, and be sure to vote for your faves.

Whether it's Buddy the Elf (Will Ferrell, in the instant Christmas classic movie Elf), Billy Bob Thornton as the totally deranged, super-mean store Santa Willie in Bad Santa or Bill Murray as Frank Cross in 1988's awesome, twisted Christmas movie Scrooged, these characters gave us quotes that won't soon be forgotten. The best Christmas movie quotes stick with you long after the film's credits roll. What's the most quotable holiday movie ever? That's a tough choice, as you'll see from this list. If I had to pick just one, it would without a doubt be 1983's A Christmas Story. Bet I'm not the only one who can quote it from memory! Besides, it's on 24/7 in the weeks leading up to Santa's big arrival - it's almost impossible not to watch it at least twice annually.

So let's raise a glass of warm apple cider (or hot chocolate, or both) to the great Christmas comedy movies. Enjoy the list, and happy holidays!
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    Clark: "Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head. And I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-a**, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey s*** he is! Hallelujah! Holy s***! Where's the Tylenol?"

    Clark: "Before we begin, since this is Aunt Bethany's 80th Christmas, I think she should lead us in the saying of grace."
    Aunt Bethany: "What dear?"
    Noah Griswold: "Grace!"
    Aunt Bethany: "Grace? She passed away 30 years ago."
    Uncle Lewis: "They want you to say grace. The blesssssing."
    Aunt Bethany (after everyone has bowed heads for the blessing): "I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands/ One nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."
    Clark: "Amen."
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    Ralphie (after being shoved down the slide while seeing Santa): "No! No! I want an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle!"
    Santa Claus: "You'll shoot your eye out, kid."

    Adult Ralphie: "Aunt Clara had, for years, labored under the delusion that I was not only perpetually four years old, but also a girl."

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    Buddy: "Buddy the Elf, what's your favorite color?"

    Buddy: "We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup."

    Buddy: "You stink. You smell like beef and cheese, you don't smell like Santa."
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    Kevin: "This is my house! I have to defend it!"
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    Sarah The Little Girl: "Santa, how come your clothes are so baggy?"
    Scott Calvin: "Because Santa is...watching his saturated fats!"
    Sarah The Little Girl: "How come you don’t have a beard?"
    Scott Calvin: "Because I shaved." (Pulls out a toy) "Now, do you want this doll or not?!? Go back to sleep!"
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    Harold: "I shot Santa Claus in the face! He's real, and I shot him in the face!"
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    Kate: "You say you hate Washington's Birthday or Thanksgiving and nobody cares, but you say you hate Christmas and people treat you like you're a leper."
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    Santa Claus: "Don't you know who I am?!"
    Joe: "Sure, you're a nut!"
    Santa Claus: "I'm Santa Claus."
    Joe: "Right, and I'm the tooth fairy."
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