quotations The Best Bad Reviews of Fifty Shades of Grey  

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List Rules Vote for the most entertaining 50 Shades of Grey zingers

Fifty Shades of Grey reviews are coming in and they are wonderful. (Not, like, actually wonderful, of course. Just wonderful to read.) It seems like the slow bits of the two-hour-long S&M melodrama gave critics plenty of time to construct the perfect diss in their head before jotting it down and sharing with the entire Internet. Like the film, these bad Fifty Shades of Grey reviews are far from subtle and are super-entertaining in an, "I'm cringing, but this is kind of awesome" sort of way. Yes, there are some good reviews of 50 Shades out there, but here we've pulled one-liners from the best negative reviews of Fifty Shades of Grey because, please, that's way more fun.

If you're not the cynical type and want to make your mind up yourself, go on over to this Fifty Shades of Grey movie quotes list and re-live all of the magic between Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey. Saw the movie and loved it? Let us know in the comments. If you loved this list, you may also enjoy The Hottest Things That Aren't Christian Grey


 
list ordered by

1
+ - 145 52
About as erotic as an ad for P... is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list The Best Bad Reviews of Fifty Shades of Grey
About as erotic as an ad for Pottery Barn Peter Travers, Rolling Stone

The Best Walter White Quotes of All Time The Most Beautiful Women in the World

2
+ - 139 51
Unofficially titled, 'So, ... is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list The Best Bad Reviews of Fifty Shades of Grey
Unofficially titled, 'So, Can I Spank You or What?' Matt Pais, RedEye

3
+ - 136 50
COULD SOMEONE GET THAT GIRL A ... is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list The Best Bad Reviews of Fifty Shades of Grey
COULD SOMEONE GET THAT GIRL A CHAPSTICK? - Lisa Wilkinson, Australian morning show

4
+ - 98 28
It's hard to remember the last... is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list The Best Bad Reviews of Fifty Shades of Grey
It's hard to remember the last time this much sex was this tedious. Chris Vognar, Dallas Morning News

5
+ - 102 32
For a movie where people are n... is listed (or ranked) 5 on the list The Best Bad Reviews of Fifty Shades of Grey
For a movie where people are naked for a large chunk of time and play at bondage and dominance. . . it sure is boring. Bill Goodykoontz, Arizona Republic

6
+ - 85 22
The only body parts allowed to... is listed (or ranked) 6 on the list The Best Bad Reviews of Fifty Shades of Grey
The only body parts allowed to be erect are Johnson’s nipples, which are on display so much they probably required their own SAG cards. Susan Wloszczyna, RogerEbert.com

7
+ - 104 36
. . . Viewers will be seeking ... is listed (or ranked) 7 on the list The Best Bad Reviews of Fifty Shades of Grey
. . . Viewers will be seeking a safe word to escape this two-hour-plus mess of half-baked excess. Eric Kohn, indieWIRE

8
+ - 140 59
What's important is that the n... is listed (or ranked) 8 on the list The Best Bad Reviews of Fifty Shades of Grey
What's important is that the novel began life as Twilight fan fiction. That tells you everything you need to know. Daniel M. Kimmel, New England Movies Weekly

9
+ - 95 39
. . . As exciting as a rectal ... is listed (or ranked) 9 on the list The Best Bad Reviews of Fifty Shades of Grey
. . . As exciting as a rectal exam Bill Gibron, Film Racket

10
+ - 79 37
Easily amongst the seven or ei... is listed (or ranked) 10 on the list The Best Bad Reviews of Fifty Shades of Grey
Easily amongst the seven or eight best Hollywood productions ever made about a woman contemplating whether or not to sign a dominant/submissive contract. Matt Singer, ScreenCrush

11
+ - 55 27
My God, this thing goes on. is listed (or ranked) 11 on the list The Best Bad Reviews of Fifty Shades of Grey
My God, this thing goes on. David Edelstein, New York Magazine/Vulture

12
+ - 56 31
A flaccid S and M movie that's... is listed (or ranked) 12 on the list The Best Bad Reviews of Fifty Shades of Grey
A flaccid S and M movie that's more infuriating than titillating? Happy Valentine's Day. Joanna Langfield, The Movie Minute

13
+ - 59 36
The movie version of Fifty Sha... is listed (or ranked) 13 on the list The Best Bad Reviews of Fifty Shades of Grey
The movie version of Fifty Shades is better than the book. It's still awful, but when a filmmaker starts with stupid source material, he's handcuffed. Joe Williams, St. Louis Post-Dispatch

14
+ - 90 63
It's tame enough to make Tyrio... is listed (or ranked) 14 on the list The Best Bad Reviews of Fifty Shades of Grey
It's tame enough to make Tyrion Lannister of Game of Thrones smirk. Thelma Adams, thelmadams.com

15
+ - 46 26
Sitting through the turgid and... is listed (or ranked) 15 on the list The Best Bad Reviews of Fifty Shades of Grey
Sitting through the turgid and tedious S&M melodrama that is Fifty Shades of Grey may feel like its own form of torture. Claudia Puig, USA Today

16
+ - 44 27
Maybe the smoulderingly sado-o... is listed (or ranked) 16 on the list The Best Bad Reviews of Fifty Shades of Grey
Maybe the smoulderingly sado-obsessed hero does not have a penis. It could account for his tastes. And his decor. Peter Bradshaw, Guardian

17
+ - 48 31
A generic romance cynically en... is listed (or ranked) 17 on the list The Best Bad Reviews of Fifty Shades of Grey
A generic romance cynically engineered to appeal to the lowest common denominator of female fantasy. Meghan Daum, Slate

18
+ - 39 32
It's an unpleasant experience ... is listed (or ranked) 18 on the list The Best Bad Reviews of Fifty Shades of Grey
It's an unpleasant experience with a sleazy stench. . . Jeff Baker, The Oregonian

19
+ - 37 33
Comically weak dialogue. . . is listed (or ranked) 19 on the list The Best Bad Reviews of Fifty Shades of Grey
Comically weak dialogue. . . Mick LaSalle, San Francisco Chronicle

20
+ - 27 26
Clinical as a classroom lectur... is listed (or ranked) 20 on the list The Best Bad Reviews of Fifty Shades of Grey
Clinical as a classroom lecture. . . Roger Moore, Tribune News Service

21
+ - 17 36
Ultimately bland. . . is listed (or ranked) 21 on the list The Best Bad Reviews of Fifty Shades of Grey
Ultimately bland. . . Richard Corliss, Time