mockery The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast  

Ashley Reign
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Ah, Justin Bieber: the boy king of obnoxious turds everywhere. And yet, despite his immature antics and awkwardly suggestive underwear ads, you have to admit the guy is talented. Whether you harbor a secret crush on Justin Bieber, or can’t stand the sight of him, we can all join together in appreciation of that most sacred celebrity ritual: the roast.

Bieber put on his big boy pants and sat through the hilarious, but obviously painful experience of being made fun of by fellow celebs. Comedy Central gathered everyone from Kevin Hart to Martha Stewart, Ludacris to Shaquille O’Neal in order to take jabs at the easiest target in Hollywood.

Cursing yourself for not getting tickets earlier? Fear not! Even Beiber-haters without televisions can enjoy the jokes at his expense. Here we’ve crafted a thorough collection of wild and funny jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast to get you up to date in no time. You’ll find some of the best quotes from the Justin Bieber roast, ranging from jabs at Justin, to pokes at other presenters, and even a couple great punches thrown by the Beib himself.

 So whether you love him or hate him, can’t get enough of him or can’t even handle him right now, get ready to have a good time. Don’t worry Bie-liebers, though some of the jokes are a little more heavy-handed than others, the Bieb did a great job of laughing along. He may even forgive you for laughing too.
list ordered by

1
+ - 339 53
"Lately a lot of people ha... is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
"Lately a lot of people have been pointing their fingers at you — and those are just lesbians showing the barber how they want their haircut." Jeff Ross

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2
+ - 297 48
“Selena Gomez wanted to be her... is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
“Selena Gomez wanted to be here, but she’s dating men now." Jeff Ross

3
+ - 276 46
"Bieber has 10 million fan... is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
"Bieber has 10 million fans – most are in middle schools, or standing at least 500 feet away from one." Kevin Hart

4
+ - 263 47
"All these rappers on stag... is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
"All these rappers on stage and Martha Stewart has done the most jail time." Martha Stewart

5
+ - 278 54
“Last year, you were ranked th... is listed (or ranked) 5 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
“Last year, you were ranked the fifth most hated person of all time. Kim Jong-Un didn’t rank that low. And he uses your music to torture people.” Shaq

6
+ - 304 70
"Justin's fans are cal... is listed (or ranked) 6 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
"Justin's fans are called Beliebers, because these days it's considered politically incorrect to use the term retards." Nathasha Leggero

7
+ - 237 42
"Justin's Canadian. He... is listed (or ranked) 7 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
"Justin's Canadian. He's actually considered American, because no Canadian has ever been this much of an asshole." Kevin Hart

8
+ - 251 51
"... You haven't put o... is listed (or ranked) 8 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
"... You haven't put out an album in three years. What are you doing? If you listen closely you can hear the sounds of One Direction f*cking your fans." Jeff Ross

9
+ - 252 53
“You have it all. Except love,... is listed (or ranked) 9 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
“You have it all. Except love, friends, good parents, and a Grammy." Chris D'Elia

10
+ - 243 55
"I know you've been on... is listed (or ranked) 10 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
"I know you've been on Ellen 14 times. You act so much like a pussy on the show, Ellen tried to eat you." Ludacris

11
+ - 181 45
"Justin, you have no idea ... is listed (or ranked) 11 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
"Justin, you have no idea what you're in for. I'm sure it's great to have 60 million followers on Twitter, but the only place people will be following you in jail is into the shower." Martha Stewart

12
+ - 185 54
“Tonight we’re going to do wha... is listed (or ranked) 12 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
“Tonight we’re going to do what his parents and the legal system should have done years ago. We’re going to give this boy an ass-whoopin’.” Kevin Hart

13
+ - 157 47
“Justin Bieber wants to be bla... is listed (or ranked) 13 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
“Justin Bieber wants to be black so bad, he’s actually seen Kevin Hart’s movies in theaters.” Ludacris

14
+ - 151 44
"Selena Gomez couldn't... is listed (or ranked) 14 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
"Selena Gomez couldn't be here tonight. Just because she didn't want to be here." Kevin Hart

15
+ - 170 57
"Justin's life changed... is listed (or ranked) 15 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
"Justin's life changed when Usher heard one of his songs and liked it, which only goes to prove that Usher ain't black." Snoop Dogg

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16
+ - 163 54
“Ebola patients hear about ‘Bi... is listed (or ranked) 16 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
“Ebola patients hear about ‘Bieber fever’ and say, ‘I’m gonna go ahead and ride this one out.'" Kevin Hart

17
+ - 163 55
"You gotta give it up for ... is listed (or ranked) 17 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
"You gotta give it up for Justin. He started from the bottom... and he's still a bottom." Hannibal Buress

18
+ - 137 42
“Is it true you dumped her bec... is listed (or ranked) 18 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
“Is it true you dumped her because she grew a mustache before you?” Jeff Ross

19
+ - 143 47
“You bought a monkey! I mean, ... is listed (or ranked) 19 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
“You bought a monkey! I mean, that monkey was more embarrassed than the one that started the AIDS epidemic.” Snoop Dogg

20
+ - 153 54
"You have left so many hor... is listed (or ranked) 20 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
"You have left so many horrible and unwatchable videos, you should change your name to Vanilla ISIS." Snoop Dogg

21
+ - 165 62
"You've become a cocky... is listed (or ranked) 21 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
"You've become a cocky little sh*t. You are the King Joffrey of pop." Jeff Ross

22
+ - 140 54
"Justin, Selena Gomez had ... is listed (or ranked) 22 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
"Justin, Selena Gomez had to f*ck you. She is literally the least lucky Selena in all of entertainment history." Nathasha Leggero

23
+ - 151 64
“They say that you roast the o... is listed (or ranked) 23 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
“They say that you roast the ones you love, but I don’t like you at all, man. I’m just here because it’s a real good opportunity for me.” Hannibal Buress

24
+ - 71 15
Kevin has a Napoleon complex. ... is listed (or ranked) 24 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
Kevin has a Napoleon complex. Kevin, Napoleon was the leader of France. Ludacris, France is in Europe. Justin, Europe's a continent. Shaq, a continent is not a free breakfast. Natasha Leggero

25
+ - 130 59
"You're like our beetl... is listed (or ranked) 25 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
"You're like our beetles. Not the band, but the bugs that live in sh*t." Ludacris

26
+ - 107 45
"Kevin, you are everywhere... is listed (or ranked) 26 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
"Kevin, you are everywhere. He is going to be on the next season of Game of Thrones. He's going to play Peter Dinklage's shadow." Nathasha Leggero

27
+ - 93 38
"Usher is the one who took... is listed (or ranked) 27 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
"Usher is the one who took you under his wing. You're the worst thing that Usher has done to America, since the guy who sat John Wilkes Booth behind Abraham Lincoln." Pete Davidson

28
+ - 130 69
“What do you get when you give... is listed (or ranked) 28 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
“What do you get when you give a teenager $200 million? A bunch of has-beens calling you a lesbian for two hours.” Justin Bieber

29
+ - 93 41
"Find yourself the right g... is listed (or ranked) 29 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
"Find yourself the right gal... someone powerful and famous and rich. Someone you can smoke a joint with or engage in the occasional three-way. I’m talking about a player in the boardroom and a freak in the bedroom...call me.” Martha Stewart

30
+ - 98 60
"Martha, thanks for coming... is listed (or ranked) 30 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
"Martha, thanks for coming. I know that's something you probably don't do much of anymore." Justin Bieber

31
+ - 73 40
"I hate your music more th... is listed (or ranked) 31 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
"I hate your music more than Bill Cosby hates my comedy." Hannibal Buress

32
+ - 84 54
"If Anne Frank had heard y... is listed (or ranked) 32 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
"If Anne Frank had heard your music, she would've Uber'd to Auschwitz." Jeff Ross

33
+ - 42 22
"It's an honor to be a... is listed (or ranked) 33 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
"It's an honor to be at a roast hosted by Shaq's dick." Pete Davidson

34
+ - 49 48
"Those Calvin Klein billbo... is listed (or ranked) 34 on the list The Best Jokes from the Justin Bieber Roast
"Those Calvin Klein billboards you made are terrible. And I was in Whitney." Chris D'Elia