L The List
- 1+ 38- 11I don't know if you ever heard of me before, but I used to be called 'The Waco Kid.' I was just walking down the street, and I heard a voice behind me say, "Reach for it Mister!" I spun around and there I was face to face with a six-year-old kid. Well I just threw my guns down and walked away....little bastard shot me in the a**! So I limped to the nearest saloon, crawled inside whiskey bottle, and I've been there ever since.
Gene Wilder's Jim (The Waco Kid) delivers a hilarious speech explaining his history in 1974's Mel Brooks comedy "Blazing Saddles."also ranked#4 OF 817 The Absolute Most Hilarious Movies Ever Made#38 OF 700 The Most Rewatchable Movies#40 OF 188 The Best Western Movies Ever Made#49 OF 332 The Greatest Movies for Guys
- 2+ 28- 10I think you’re all f**ked in the head. We’re ten hours from the f**king fun park and you want to bail out! Well, I’ll tell you something, this is no longer a vacation, it’s a quest. It’s a quest for fun. I’m gonna have fun and you’re gonna have fun. We’re all gonna have so much f**king fun we’ll need plastic surgery to remove our g*d damn smiles! You’ll be whistling "Zippity Doo Da" out of your a**holes! (laughs) I gotta be crazy! I’m on a pilgrimage to see a moose! Praise Marty Moose! Holy s***!
Clark Griswold is barely hanging on, and in this hilarious bit from 1983's "Vacation," Chevy Chase delivers without question one of the funniest rants from any comedy movie ever.also ranked#28 OF 817 The Absolute Most Hilarious Movies Ever Made#51 OF 511 The Best '80s Movies#56 OF 332 The Greatest Movies for Guys#103 OF 700 The Most Rewatchable Movies
- 3+ 20- 6License to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They're like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong. So you have to lie back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. And that's all she wrote.
Bill Murray's demented groundskeeper, Carl Spackler, in 1980's "Caddyshack" is my favorite Murray character ever. His description of why gophers (aka Varmint Cong) must die is a classic.also ranked#24 OF 332 The Greatest Movies for Guys#39 OF 700 The Most Rewatchable Movies#49 OF 117 The Most Inspirational Sports Movies#62 OF 511 The Best '80s Movies
- 4+ 21- 7The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It's a good non-specific symptom. A lot of people will tell you that a phony fever is a dead lock, but if you get a nervous mother, you could land in the doctor's office. That's worse than school. What you do is, you fake a stomach cramp, and when you're bent over, moaning and wailing, (confidentally) you lick your palms. It's a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.
I did have a test today. That wasn't bulls**t. It's on European socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not European, I don't plan on being European, so who gives a crap if they're socialist? They could be fascist anarchists - that still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car. Not that I condone fascism, or any ism for that matter. Isms in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an ism - he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon: "I don't believe in Beatles - I just believe in me." A good point there. Of course, he was the Walrus. I could be the Walrus - I'd still have to bum rides off of people.
Matthew Broderick delivers a series of really clever, genuinely funny speeches straight into the camera in 1986's "Ferris Bueller's Day Off." Hard to pick a favorite, but this might be it!also ranked#2 OF 250 The Best Teen Movies of All Time#11 OF 700 The Most Rewatchable Movies#13 OF 817 The Absolute Most Hilarious Movies Ever Made#16 OF 511 The Best '80s Movies
- 5+ 16- 4also ranked#4 OF 15 The Best Stanley Kubrick Films#63 OF 817 The Absolute Most Hilarious Movies Ever Made#66 OF 3954 The Best Movies of All Time#93 OF 157 The Best War Movies Ever
- 6+ 12- 5Friends, I'm going to to tell you of the great mysterious wonderful continent known as Africa. Africa, God's country. And he can have it...Well, sir, we left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second. After fifteen days on the water and six on the boat we finally arrived on the shores of Africa.
We at once proceeded 300 miles into the heart of the jungle where I shot a polar bear. This bear was 6 foot 7 in his stocking feet and had shoes on. This bear was anemic and couldn't stand the cold climate. He was a rich bear and could afford to go away in the winter. From the day of our arrival we led an active life. The first morning saw us up at six, breakfasted, then back in bed at seven. This was our routine for the first three months. We finally got so we were back in bed at six-thirty.
One morning I was sitting in front of the cabin smoking some meat There wasn't a cigar store in the neighborhood. As I say, I was sitting in front of the cabin when I bagged six tigers. I bagged them, I bagged them to go away, but they hung around all afternoon. They were the most persistent tigers I've ever seen. The principal animals inhabiting the African jungle are moose, elk and Knights of Pythias.
Of course you all know what a moose is, that's big game. The first day I shot two bucks that was the biggest game we had. As I say you all know what a moose is? A moose runs around on the floor, and eats cheese and is chased by the cats. The elks on the other hand live up in the hills, and in the spring they come down for their annual convention. It is very interesting to watch them come down to the water-hole; and you should see them run when they find it is only water-hole. What they're looking for is a elk-a-hole. One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I'll never know. But that is entirely irreverent to what I was talking about. We took some pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed. But we're going back again in a couple of weeks...
Now, of course I had to include the Marx brothers on this list somehow. In this hilarious speech, Groucho Marx (as Captain Jeffrey Spaulding), describes his many adventures in Africa to a captive group of party-goers in the classic 1930 movie "Animal Crackers."also ranked#303 OF 817 The Absolute Most Hilarious Movies Ever Made