- 1+ 30- 7
"Nothing can take the sting out of world economic problems like watching millionaires present each other with golden statues."
From Crystal's monologue
- 2+ 20- 5
Making Animated Films the Chris Rock Way
"It's so hard doing animation, getting into character. No, UPS is hard work… It's the easiest job in the world... and then they give me a million dollars!"
Chris Rock introducing the Best Animated Feature award
- 3+ 19- 8
"I was genuinely star-struck when I met Kermit the Frog. But once you get to know him, he's just a normal frog. Like many stars here tonight, he's a lot shorter in real life."
Best Original Song winner Bret McKenzie, of Flight of the Conchords, who wrote the songs from "The Muppets."
- 4+ 18- 9
What Brad is Thinking
"This better not go too late. I have 6 parent teacher conferences in the morning."
Billy Crystal tells us what Brad Pitt is thinking.
- 5+ 16- 8
"You're only two years older than me, darling. Where have you been all my life?"
Christopher Plummer, speaking to his Oscar for Best Supporting Actor
- 6+ 10- 4
"She's either the most dedicated actress of our time or the most dedicated hoarder."
Billy Crystal, after listing off Meryl Streep's various award wins
- 7+ 12- 7
Oh, Those French...
"They must be going nuts in France right now. Or whatever the French have in place of joy."
Billy Crystal after Jean Dujardin tap danced on stage to celebrate his "Artist" Best Actor win
- 8+ 13- 9
"We've got puppets and acrobats. We're a pony away from being a Bar Mitzvah."
Billy Crystal following appearances by The Muppets and Cirque du Soleil
- 9+ 14- 11
"We're here at the beautiful Chapter 11 Theater."
Crystal in his monologue referencing the now-bankrupt Kodak Corporation, as the Oscar's are taking place at the Kodak Theater
- 10+ 12- 9
The Oscars in German
"Since my mother spoke German to us growing up, my Chinese has a slight German accent."
Sandra Bullock, before introducing the Best Foreign Film nominees in German.
- 11+ 11- 8
Bale or Romney?
"A Dark Knight, an American Psycho, a charismatic crack addict… you'll get to choose one on Super Tuesday."
Billy Crystal introducing presenter Christian Bale
- 12+ 10- 8
Original Song Legacy
"One of our nominees will join the ranks of previous winners, 'When You Wish Upon A Star,' 'Moon River,' 'The Way We Were' and 'It’s Hard Out Here for a Pimp'"
Zach Galifianakis introducing the nominees for Best Original Song alongside Will Ferrell. (Cymbals were also involved.)
- 13+ 10- 8
Will Plummer Win
"Christopher Plummer may be walking up on stage today, because apparently he wanders off."
Billy Crystal goofing on the 82-year-old Supporting Actor nominee
- 14+ 9- 7
"When they called my name, I had this feeling… I could hear half of America going, 'Oh come on. Her. Again.' But whatever."
Meryl Streep upon accepting her Best Actress Oscar for "The Iron Lady." (Viola Davis from "The Help" had been the early favorite.)
- 15+ 14- 13
Chris Rock On Casting
"If you're a black man, you can play a donkey or a zebra."
Chris Rock discussing how characters are cast in animated films
- 16+ 11- 10
Flying Monkey Love
"I didn't like it till they got to the Flying Monkeys."
Fred Willard from the "Wizard of Oz Focus Group" sketch
- 17+ 12- 12
Hug a Black Woman Today
"When I came out of 'The Help,' I wanted to hug the first black woman I saw. Which from Beverly Hills is about a 45 minute drive."
Billy Crystal following Octavia Spencer's win for "The Help"
- 18+ 11- 11
Piggy is in the Balcony
"Moi's first experience was sitting in a theater… a lot closer to the stage than this."
Miss Pigy reminisces about her first time at the movies from the cheap seats.
- 19+ 9- 9
Get Up Here!
"Oh my God, Jonah! Get up here! Let's dance!"
Emma Stone trying to do on-stage banter with Ben Stiller (and Jonah Hill in the audience) while presenting the Best Visual Effects award
- 20+ 10- 11
Octavia Thanks the Academy
"Thank you Academy for putting me with the hottest guy in the room."
Octavia Spencer accepting her Best Supporting Actor Oscar from Christian Bale.
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