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- 1Up 69Down 8“ I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it. „
- 2Up 69Down 8“ Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going ... more
- 3Up 72Down 13“ Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. „
- 4Up 51Down 8“ One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations ... more
- 5Up 44Down 6“ If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. „
- 6Up 43Down 7“ People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point. „
- 7Up 39Down 7“ I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; ... more
- 8Up 39Down 8“ I love and treasure individuals as I meet them. I loathe and despise the groups they identify ... more
- 9Up 35Down 6“ "One thing leads to another"? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same ... more
- 10Up 34Down 8“ Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters ... more
- 11Up 33Down 12“ For a while, I thought of myself as an atheist until I realized it was a belief, too. It's a ... more
- 12Up 37Down 16“ Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. „
- 13Up 21Down 4“ "I always find it funny when the umpire says, 'The batter's got two balls on him!'" ... more
- 14Up 26Down 9“ You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar. „
- 15Up 22Down 6“ If people stand in a circle long enough, they'll eventually begin to dance. „
- 16Up 27Down 12“ I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed. „
- 17Up 23Down 9“ I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... more
- 18Up 23Down 11“ Women are Crazy, Men are Stupid. „
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