Golf Jokes Anything

Golf Jokes

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by  157 votes 78 voters 64,059 views 25 items tags f p @

List Criteria: Jokes about golf, golfers, and golfing

List of Golf Jokes and humor, culled from TV shows, films, stand-up comedy and pop culture. These one-liners and humorous anecdotes look at Golf Jokes from a variety of perspectives, and try to find humor in wry observations, through irony and sarcasm, and even just by being silly. Human beings love to laugh, and being able to notice life's little absurdities can make even bad days seem a bit cheerier. Some of these jokes about Golf Jokes are designed with that in mind, from amusing little witticisms to obscure references to puns. Others take a more satirical approach to the subject of Golf Jokes, mining hypocrisy and criticism for laughs.

The jokes on this page take many forms and are written in different formats. Some have a very traditional set-up/punchline style, with the set-up in bold and the punchline written smaller in the space below. Others are more like mini-stories or scenarios, in which case they've simply been broken up in a way that's convenient and easy to read. Go through them all and vote for your favorites!


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  1. 1
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    What is the difference between a lost golf ball and the G-spot?

    What is the difference between a lost golf ball and the G-spot?
    Photo: Paul Vladuchick
    A man will spend 5 minutes looking for the lost golf ball.
  2. 2
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    Time to improve

    Time to improve
    Photo: Janet Tarbox
    There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly... or start cheating.
  3. 3
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    Do you know why there are 18 holes on a golf course?

    Do you know why there are 18 holes on a golf course?
    Photo: Fort George G. Meade Public Affairs Office
    Because that's how long it took the Scots who invented the game to finish their bottle of whiskey!
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    What do golf and sex have in common?

    What do golf and sex have in common?
    Photo: Amber MacPherson
    They're two things you can enjoy even if you're bad at both of them.
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    If you really want to get better at golf

    Go back and take it up at a much earlier age.
  7. 7
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    No matter how badly you are playing

    It is always possible to play worse.
  8. 8
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    The less intelligent the player

    The more certain he is to offer insights into the mental side of the game.
  9. 9
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    If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker

    If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker
    Photo: Barry Jackson
    Your ball is in the bunker.
  10. 10
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    Did you hear about the golfer who got shot yesterday?

    Did you hear about the golfer who got shot yesterday?
    Photo: U.S. Army
    Yes, they said it was a hole in Juan.
  11. 11
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    I'm hitting the woods just great...

    I'm hitting the woods just great...
    Photo: Neil Howard
    But having a terrible time getting out of them!
  12. 12
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    Be Tiger Woods

    If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to lay up just short of a water hazard.
  13. 13
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    Two kinds of bounces

    Unfair bounces, and bounces just the way you meant to play it.
  14. 14
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    The less skilled the player

    The more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.
  15. 15
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    Golf a Sin?

    Golf a Sin?
    Photo: Stefan Heinisch
    After church one Sunday, one of the church goers walked up to his priest and said, "Father, is it a sin to play golf on Sundays?" "My son," said the priest, putting his hand on the man's shoulder, "I've seen your golf game, it's a sin any day".
  16. 16
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    Think

    Whatever you think you’re doing wrong is the one thing you’re doing right.
  17. 17
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    Word G.O.L.F.

    Word G.O.L.F.
    Photo: chispita_666
    My uncle, who has golfed all his life, has his own definition of the word G.O.L.F.: Getting Old and Living Fine!
  18. 18
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    What do you call 1,000 golfers lined up on a pebble beach holding hands?

    What do you call 1,000 golfers lined up on a pebble beach holding hands?
    Photo: cornfusion
    Pebble Beach Golf Links.
  19. 19
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    Why do golfers always carry two pairs of trousers with them?

    Why do golfers always carry two pairs of trousers with them?
    Photo: john
    Just in case they had a hole in one.
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    For most golfers

    The only difference between a one-dollar ball and a three-dollar ball is two dollars.

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