Golf Jokes
Jack NapierThe jokes on this page take many forms and are written in different formats. Some have a very traditional set-up/punchline style, with the set-up in bold and the punchline written smaller in the space below. Others are more like mini-stories or scenarios, in which case they've simply been broken up in a way that's convenient and easy to read. Go through them all and vote for your favorites!
- 1Up 4Down 2
Time to improve
“ There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly... or start cheating. „ - 2Up 2Down 0
Unanswered Prayer
“ The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. „ - 3Up 2Down 0
What is the difference between a lost golf ball and the G-spot?
“ A man will spend 5 minutes looking for the lost golf ball. „ - 4Up 3Down 2
Do you know why there are 18 holes on a golf course?
“ Because that's how long it took the Scots who invented the game to finish their bottle of whiskey! „ - 5Up 1Down 0
The less intelligent the player
“ The more certain he is to offer insights into the mental side of the game. „ - 6Up 1Down 1
Distance
“ The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the
center of a very large tree. „ - 7Up 1Down 1
Safe shot
“ It’s a simple matter to keep your ball in the fairway if you’re not too choosy about which fairway. „ - 8Up 1Down 1
Why do golfers always carry two pairs of trousers with them?
“ Just in case they had a hole in one. „ - 9Up 0Down 0
What do you call 1,000 golfers lined up on a pebble beach holding hands?
“ Pebble Beach Golf Links. „ - 10Up 0Down 0
If you really want to get better at golf
“ Go back and take it up at a much earlier age. „ - 11Up 0Down 0
Where can you find 100 doctors all at the same place on any given day?
“ "A golf course!!" „ - 12Up 1Down 2
Two kinds of bounces
“ Unfair bounces, and bounces just the way you meant to play it. „ - 13Up 1Down 2
No matter how badly you are playing
“ It is always possible to play worse. „ - 14Up 0Down 1
Think
“ Whatever you think you’re doing wrong is the one thing you’re doing right. „ - 15Up 0Down 1
The less skilled the player
“ The more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing. „ - 16Up 0Down 1
I'm hitting the woods just great...
“ But having a terrible time getting out of them! „ - 17Up 0Down 1
Golf is like...
“ They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that. „ - 18Up 0Down 1
Word G.O.L.F.
“ My uncle, who has golfed all his life, has his own definition of the word G.O.L.F.: Getting Old and Living Fine! „ - 19Up 0Down 1
Golf a Sin?
“ After church one Sunday, one of the church goers walked up to his priest and said, "Father, is it a sin to play golf on Sundays?" "My son," said the priest, putting his hand on the man's shoulder, "I've seen your golf game, it's a sin any day". „ - 20Up 0Down 1
For most golfers
“ The only difference between a one-dollar ball and a three-dollar ball is two dollars. „ - 21Up 0Down 1
If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker
“ Your ball is in the bunker. „ - 22Up 0Down 1
What do golf and sex have in common?
“ They're two things you can enjoy even if you're bad at both of them. „ - 23Up 0Down 1
What are the four worst words you could hear during a game of golf?
“ It's still your turn! „ - 24Up 0Down 1
Be Tiger Woods
“ If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to lay up just short of a water hazard. „ - 25Up 0Down 2
Did you hear about the golfer who got shot yesterday?
“ Yes, they said it was a hole in Juan. „ -
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