Horoscopes For The Week Of August 24 2009

Aries this week while the moon is moving through the social part for your zodiac, why don’t you hang out with friends who like drinking beer standing on their heads? Then later you can cover your body with toilet paper and burp the alphabet while you walk home. The planets are telling you to act like a moron this week, so if the cops stop you can say an astrologer said this would happen.

Come on, stop thinking about how much cash you make. Do something good for society this week. Think about what it would be like with no money or pretty baubles. Volunteer at a local soup kitchen or help the wrinklies. Do whatever you want, but whatever you do, make sure you do it for charity this week. This will be a tough exercise for Taureans, but you’re selfish behaviour is making us all mental.

Dear flighty nervous Gemini, how domestic routines bore you. But because of the planet line up this week, you ‘re going to try to get everyone involved with your latest intense plan: let’s get organized. Facts amaze you, so here’s one: Did you know that over 55 minutes a day is spent looking for misplaced items around the home? You can pass this little gem around to all your new best friends you met 30 seconds ago. As far as your family is concerned, your new focus to organize the house will please them; but they suspect the end result will bring loud sirens and white coats to the front door. Try organizing a dinner party instead. Then you can ask endless questions and flirt. More your style.

Dear flighty nervous Gemini, how domestic routines bore you. But because of the planet line up this week, you ‘re going to try to get everyone involved with your latest intense plan: let’s get organized. Facts amaze you, so here’s one: Did you know that over 55 minutes a day is spent looking for misplaced items around the home? You can pass this little gem around to all your new best friends you met 30 seconds ago. As far as your family is concerned, your new focus to organize the house will please them; but they suspect the end result will bring loud sirens and white coats to the front door. Try organizing a dinner party instead. Then you can ask endless questions and flirt. More your style.

Let me worship your magnificence for a moment at the altar of you. Leo my Liege, I ask you, no beg you, to stop being such a frigging prima donna and get scrap booking. Go down to your local craft store, and ask one of your potential servants to sell you some archival paper, C-Thru rulers, and decent glue sticks. Then go back to your kingdom and use your famous flair to conquer this traditional domestic art. Of course you’ll be the main event in your scrapbook, but don’t forget to include a couple of your loyal subjects in there. Then share your memories with them. Try making it seem that you did it all that scrapbookin’ just to remember them. Such a Leo trick.