Horrible Bosses Quotes By Movie and TV Quotes [174 more lists]

Looking for some of the best 'Horrible Bosses' movie quotes? Here's your list! Feel free to vote for your favorite 'Horrible Bosses' quotes - and to add your own. And if you missed this movie in the theater, no worries: The 'Horrible Bosses' DVD was set for release on October 11, 2011!

This 2011 comedy features an all-star cast led by the hilarious Jason Bateman, Jason Sudeikis and Charlie Day. Each of these men work for terrible bosses, played with equal hilarity by Kevin Spacey, Jennifer Aniston and Colin Farrell. What can Nick, Kurt and Dale do about their no-good employers? Together, come up with a plan: Hire a hit man to take each boss out. As one might expect, things don't go very smoothly.

Not surprisingly, 'Horrible Bosses' did pretty well at the summer box office. The movie took in more than $28 million during it's opening weekend and, as of early-September 2011, had raked in more than $115 million in ticket sales in the U.S.

If you're in need of more funny, check out these movie quote pages from 'Bridesmaids', 'Hangover Part 2,' 'Larry Crowne,' 'Bad Teacher', 'The Change-Up,' '30 Minutes or Less' and 'Friends With Benefits!'

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In a Prius?

Detective: "You wanna explain why you were speeding?"
Nick: "I was drag racing."
Detective: "In a Prius?"
Nick: "I don't win a lot."

These guys can't catch a break - all the want to do is commit three murders! Why bust their chops for drag racing (in a Prius)?!
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Trim Some Fat

Bobby: "Oh yeah, we've got to trim some of the fat around here."
Kurt: "What do you mean by trim the fat?"
Bobby: "I want you to fire the fat people."
Kurt: "What?!"
Bobby: "They're lazy and they're slow and they make me sad to look at."

Yes, Bobby qualifies as a bad, bad boss. Not surprising that Kurt's plotting his demise.
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That's Rape!

Dale: (Looking at sexually explicit photos of himself with Julia) "We did all of this while I was unconscious?"
Julia: "Mmmhmm. Yep."
Dale: "You're a raper, you raped me, that's a rape!"
Julia: "Just relax there, Jodie Foster. Your dick wasn't even hard."
Dale: "That does not give me any relief."

Julia is a monster. No question. A totally hot, sick, twisted, nymphomaniac monster.
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Fire Professor Xavier

Bobby: "You can fire Professor Xavier."
Kurt: "You mean Hank."
Bobby: "Creeps me out, rolling around all day in his special little secret chair."

Kurt's boss, Bobby (Colin Farrell), is definitely horrible. He's asking Kurt to fire all the employees that bother him, including poor, wheelchair-bound Hank.
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Four Honks

Nick: "You're gonna be our lookout."
Dale: "I'm gonna honk the horn six times."
Kurt: "Something much more subtle..."
Dale: "Four honks?"
Nick: "Can you honk once?"
Dale: "People honk once all the time - you're gonna be running in and out of the house..."
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Goodbye, Gam-Gam

Nick: "You know that last month you made me work so late that I missed saying goodbye to my Gam-Gam?"
Dave: "I'm sorry, what?"
Nick: "My grandmother. I told you that I needed to see her because she was very, very sick. You said if I left early I'd get fired - and she died before I made it to the hospital."
Dave: "I'm sorry."
Nick: "Thank you."
Dave: "I had no idea that you called your grandmother 'Gam-Gam.' (laughing hysterically) "Sorry. Sorry that you didn't get to say bye-bye to Gam-Gam..."

Kevin Spacey's horrible boss, Dave, will likely resonate with many who've been stuck in a bad job with no nope of getting out. Here's hoping he gets what's coming to him. For Gam-Gam!!
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Wet Work

Dale: "Your ad said you do wet work?"
Not the Hit Man: "I urinate on other men for money. Why else do you think my ad was in a 'Men Seeking Men' section."
(argument breaks out between Nick, Dale and Kurt)
Dale: "We are men, looking for a man!"

So. You hire your very first hit man to whack your bosses - great! Now the bad news: He's going to pee on you, not kill your employer.
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Don't Punch the Driver Added by: Kel Varnsen

Kurt: "You don't f*cking punch the driver!"
Nick: "Yeah, you don't punch the driver, man."
Dale: "I'm coked out of my f*cking head, I can punch whoever I want to!"
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James Bond

Kurt: "He looks like James Bond!"
Dale: "He really does, dude! I bet he carries one of those guns that you screw together...like the coolest guns they make, man!"
Nick: "This is so dangerous - what if that's an undercover cop? Or better yet, what if it's the real thing and he charges so much money, we can't afford it, he gets pissed off and kills us!"
Dale: "That's not gonna...he kills one of us?! Hold on - could that happen?"
(Not a Hitman knocks)
Nick: "Gotta let him in now."
Kurt: "How's my hair?"
Nick: "What do you mean, how's my hair?!"
Kurt: "It doesn't matter...okay, let's do this."

Yeah um, these guys just can't catch a break. Dale hires this so-called "hit man" - and yeah, they should be worried. Not for the reason you think, however....
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Earn the Promotion

Dave: "You want one?"
Nick: "It's 8 o'clock in the morning."
Dave: "It's 18-year-old Scotch - you want a promotion, you gotta earn it."
Nick: (downs Scotch)

You think your boss is crap? How about Dave (Kevin Spacey), who forces Nick to drink earrrrrrrrrrrrrly in the morning, basically assuring him it'll earn him brownie points toward a promotion. Does he GET the promotion? No. No, he doesn't. At least he got a nice taste of fine Scotch? He may need more.
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Bandaids On Your... Added by: Kel Varnsen

Dave: "You can't win a marathon without putting some bandaids on your nipples!"
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Use Her Like a Bed

Julia: "Let's have sex on top of her! Let's use her like a bed!"
Dale: "That's crossing the line!!!"

Dale's horrible boss, dentist Dr. Julia Harris (Jennifer Aniston), is a sex-crazed maniac who is determined to bed him. While lying on top of a patient. Totally inappropriate.
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That's a Lot of Gas

Julia: "Water?" (Dale hands her the water) "Alright, let's see if this thing is working...ohhhhh!" (Squirts water all over Dale's pants) "I'm sorry, I'm a squirter, Dale. Oh, you know what? I think I can make out our little friend there..." (Squirts more water on Dale's pants) "Oooh, shabbat shalom, somebody's circumcised." (laughing)
Dale: "Listen, can we stop doing this thing here?"
Julia: "Why because you have a girlfriend?"
Dale: "Well, she's not just my girlfriend anymore. We're engaged now."
Julia: "What?!"
Dale: "We're engaged."
Julia: (As their patient wakes, moaning, Julia jacks up the nitrous gas to high) "Shut up!"
Dale: "That's a lot of gas..."

Finally, a dentist who gives enough nitrous! Jennifer Aniston's turn as a super-raunchy boss in 'Horrible Bosses' is definitely generating big buzz.
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Kill Each Others' Bosses

Dean 'MF' Jones: ""Most killers are first timers. You want to pull off a brilliant murder, you've gotta act like it's an accident. If you do it right, you ain't even gotta be there when it goes down."
Nick: ""How are we supposed to fake three accidents?"
Dean 'MF' Jones: ""You stalk your prey. You've gotta be smart: find out where they live, find out their habits - what's their hobbies, what they like, what type of food they like. Even if you pull it off perfectly, you crackers got motives. The 'po-po'
Kurt (whispers to Dale): ""That means police."
Dean 'MF' Jones: ""...will still put it to you."
Nick: ""We all have clear motives for killing our bosses, so this is not gonna work - this is garbage."
Dean 'MF' Jones: ""Why don't you kill each others bosses?"
Kurt: ""That's actually a good idea. Yeah like hitchcock's 'Strangers on a Train,' right?"
Dale: ""The Danny DeVito movie - it's a funny one!"
Kurt: ""The famous Alfred hitchcock/Danny DeVito movie..."" (slaps Dale) ""that's the one."

'Horrible Bosses' is chock full of funny dialogue and some of the best bits are the scenes involving Charlie Day and Jason Sudeikis.
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Key to Success

Nick: "The key to success is taking sh*t."

Anyone who's ever worked in a job they hate, trying desperately to get ahead despite having a boss that could drive anyone to drink, can totally identify with Nick's sentiment.
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Drinking Problem

Dave: "I have decided who I want to be our new vice president of sales...me!"
Nick: "What did he say?"
Dave: "Nick? Please, we're in the middle of a meeting."
Nick: "Sorry."
Dave: "That's alright, I'll just attribute this to your drinking problem."

Yes, Nick gets passed over for the big promotion, despite taking all kinds of sh*t from his boss (and drinking his precious Scotch, then being accused of having a 'drinking problem'). This cannot end well...
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Just Temporary Added by: Kel Varnsen

Nick: (voice over) "I get to work before the sun comes up and I leave long after it's gone down. I haven't had sex in six months with someone other than myself. And the only thing in my refrigerator is an old lime. Could be a kiwi, no way to tell. But here's the thing, this is just temporary."
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A Little Snack

Kurt: ""Your boss is incredibly hot."
Dale: ""Don't talk about how hot she is."
Kurt: ""I was looking at your boss. She makes herself a little snack. A popsicle. A banana. And finally, a hot dog. And eating them in that weird order - that's not a proper meal."
Nick: ""It's cold to hot."
Dale: ""So you took the penis foods as an invitation to f**k her?"
Kurt: ""No, I took her invitation to f**k her, as an invitation to f**k her!"

The guys decide to stake out each others bosses, to figure out their habits. Kurt gets Julia - and her habit is simple: sex.
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Sexual Harassment

Dale: "At least your boss isn't sexually harassing you."

Really Dale, come on, sexual harassment is certainly a serious matter - but at least your boss is Jennifer Aniston. How bad could it really be?
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Meet Mother F**ker

Dean 'MF' Jones: ""I think I can help you boys."
Kurt: ""Are you a businessman?"
Dean 'MF' Jones: ""Mother F**ker Jones."
Dale: ""Your first name is 'Mother F**ker'?"
Dean 'MF' Jones: ""My real name is Dean."
Nick: ""Dean Jones. That's the same name of the actor in 'Herbie and the Love Bug.'"
Dean 'MF' Jones: ""I know who he is bitch. I can't walk around this f**kin neighborhood with that Disney-ass name."

Jamie Foxx, as MF Jones, doesn't pull any punches with the guys. He also has serious issues with his name.
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Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood - Paris Barclay Added by: Kianna

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