How To Get Laid By Alex Sargeant  [19 more lists]

Chicks love two things in this world: Being called chicks and a man with a sweet ride.

If you're in the market for lady vagina and a new car, I suggest you get a PT Cruiser and the former will come (pun intended!) with ease.

Chicks dig the big backseat and the big front seat and the big trunk and the big engine and the big tires and the big cup holders and the big impression it makes on all the douche bags that don't own a PT Cruiser.

Get a PT Cruiser and you'll always get laid.

Note: If for some reason that doesn't work, get some flames on the side. Chicks love flames and it makes your car look even faster than it already is!

Chicks dig (pun intended) guys that garden. It shows your ability to keep something alive that isn't a child or a dog.

Seeing as I get laid like mad crazy, I'll give you sexless twerps a trade secret: Marijuana! There it is! Grow Marijuana in your house! Grow copious amounts of Marijuana in your house!

I know what you're thinking, you're thinking, "Isn't growing Marijuana in my house illegal?" And the answer is a stern "Yes!" but so is Whaling and you don't see that stopping the Japanese. If I've learned anything from the Japanese, it's that laws don't matter and even ultimate devotion to one's home and leader is no match for two atomic bombs.

Show these chicks that you're responsible with a Marijuana garden in your house and they'll show you their boobs while they lay you! You can thank me when your weiner is about to fall off because of how much laid you're getting!

The way to a man's heart is through his stomach and the way to a chick's heart is with sharp knives and a large assortment of weapons (pun intended?)

How many times has this happened to you: You get a hot chick back to your house but it's not time to get laid yet and she wants to "talk" but you have nothing to talk about? Well say goodbye to that, because it's never going to happen again when you fill your spare bedroom up with weapons from around the world!

"That Katana was forged in China and was a gift to me from Chairman Mao for having so much chest hair. I found this exotic rapier while studying exotic people on an exotic island. Does the word exotic excite you? What if I said exciting exotic erotics? Does that excite your more? Did you see the Tortoise shell by the door?" You'll never run out of things to talk about with chicks while you wait to get laid (and trust me, you will get laid!).

Nothing gets the p***y juices flowing like a large collection of Enya vinyls. Enya is like a spiritual roofie. Chicks don't know what hit them when Enya comes on.

Note: I know there's Enya in The Lord of the Rings, but don't watch The Lord of the Rings with a chick to get you laid. Though this will turn the chick on, you won't be able to get laid because you're going to want to finish the film. No one can watch just part of The Lord of the Rings...no one!

Science has proven that the only way a man can prove to a chick that he's sensitive is for him to cry. There's no other way for him to prove it. Science has shown us that.

It may be hard for you, as a man (or horny chick reading this), to cry. Being a dude myself, I understand this. That's why I am going to let you dweebs in on another trade secret: Michael Clark Duncan films. There isn't a man alive that can watch Daredevil or the Green Mile without crying his eyes out. Watch one of his movies before or during your first date and let this chick see you cry right off the bat and I assure you you're going to get laid... HARD!