- 1+ 77- 10
Joffrey Forces Sansa to Inspect Her Father's Head
You know, as one does. Anyway, Joffrey has gone against his word and had Ned Stark - father of his betrothed, Sansa Stark - executed publicly. It was not a pretty sight, though HBO tastefully cut around it despite having no problem with vicious on-screen death-by-liquid-hot-gold-droppings sequences. (We've all had enough of seeing Boromir in pain at this point, I think.)
After that gruesome display, Joffrey blithely walks Sansa down to admire decapitated heads - including her father's - that he has displayed on pikes. Sansa, apparently not an art fan, is overwhelmed by the level of Joffrey's cruelty, and considers pitching him off the side of the castle. (He's tiny and probably very light. It'd be like tossing a kitten down there, and significantly more entertaining.) Alas, Sansa's brief career as an attempted murderess is foiled, but it likely won't taint her reputation permanently. In Westeros, attempted murder is a misdemeanor, like jaywalking or failing to separate your recycleables.
- 2+ 85- 14
The Execution of Eddard Starkv
Though the Lannisters had Ned Stark safely imprisoned and labeled as a traitor, there were many interested parties who DIDN'T want the popular Lord of Winterfell killed. Sean Bean's agent in particular was dead-set against it, having been down this road with his client many (many!) many times before. Joffrey's intended, Sansa Stark, had also made it known that she'd prefer to see her father left alive.
But Cersei Lannister, Joffrey's Mother, had also requested that Stark be left alive. His value as a symbol of rebellion against the Lannister, among other things, superceded the delight the Lannisters would no doubt get from his execution. Better to send him off to serve in the Night's Watch, ashamed and without title. But Joffrey, though he had initially appeared to accept this decision to spare Stark's life, and despite the fact that Stark humbles himself and accepts Joffrey's rule, pulls a last-minute change-up. He orders Stark beheaded. Which is maybe not the NICEST wedding gift a bride-to-be can receive, but certainly makes more of an impression than a gravy boat.
(You've also got to love that Joffrey throws in a dig at over-emotional women right at the end, before ordering Stark killed. That dude is never going to get laid.)
- 3+ 59- 13
The Butcher's Boy
In happier, pre-Iron Throne times, Joffrey and Sansa were just two adorable kids who were arranged to marry as a way of uniting the houses of Lannister and Stark. (Romantic!) Back then, Sansa was even kind of in to the vibe Joffrey was giving off, which sort of stretches believability. But then, hey, Jon Gosselin always manages to get women to go out with him, so who's to say?
One afternoon, Joffrey and Sansa encounter Arya Stark and the local Winterfell butcher's boy playing by the water and Joffrey decides a little bullying is in order. (Hey, he's a bully! It's what they do!) So he slashes the poor ginger kid's face with his sword. Arya Stark, who may be small but doesn't take any guff - or at least not this AMOUNT of guff - fights back and whacks the little prince with a stick. Oh, and also, her dire wolf takes a bit out of him! (Hey, he's a wolf! It's what they do!)
Seems like Joffrey might have had an opportunity to learn from this experience, but alas, it's not to be. Instead, within 24 hours, there's a dead butcher's boy, and a dead wolf. And it's not even the right wolf. Details, details.
- 4+ 49- 16
Joffrey the Music Criticv
"Tell me, do you favor your fingers or your tongue?" Joffrey poses the question to a tavern bard who has devised a popular new song about the death of King Robert, and has been asked to reprise it at court. It includes charming references to a "lion" ripping off the fallen King's balls. (The lion symbolizing the House of Lannister, of course, with the balls representing... well, that part's pretty self-explanatory.) It's not a super-flattering song.
Joffrey calls the song "funny" and thanks the bard for the performance, just before asking him whether he'd rather keep his fingers or his tongue. The singer chooses his fingers, and Joffrey complies, ordering his tongue removed instead. ("Hey, he gave the guy a choice! That's not so bad!" -- George R. R. Martin's brain.) He then leaves for the day, suggesting his Mom should finish up the rest of the Kingly-type work for the afternoon. I mean, sure, fine, as long as all the important tongue-slashings have been taken care of...
- 5+ 14- 1
Everything He's Ever Done With a Prostitute
As a present for his nameday, good (libidinous) Uncle Tyrion orders up a pair of hookers for the (seemingly) sexually repressed King, probably thinking it would be good for him to have a release of some kind to distract him from killing peasants and culling disdain around the Kingdom. Joffrey responds by having one of the girls mercilessly beat the other, a message that he'll not tolerate any interference, sexy or otherwise.
Thing is, Joffrey's not done just yet with the doomed ladies, Ros and Daisy, just yet. As Joffrey ditches his courtship with Sansa in favor of the benefits of Margaery and the House Tyrell, he also does Littlefinger a solid by inviting Ros (whom Littlefinger caught spying on him) back into his bedchamber so he could finally stick a little something in her (translation: he shot and killed her with a crossbow).
- 6+ 44- 18
Forcing Ser Dontos to Drink His Fillv
In Season 2, we learn about the ritual of a King's "Name Day," which is sort of like a birthday for brutally evil tweens. To celebrate, Joffrey has arranged for some light fighting to the death at King's Landing. One of the unlucky men chosen for the afternoon's entertainment is Ser Dontos, the only surviving member of House Hollard. Unlucky both because Joffrey is not the most appreciative host, and because he happens to be drunk at the time.
Joffrey takes Ser Dontos' intoxication as an insult, and pretends to graciously offer the man more wine before ordering that he have wine poured into his stomach until he bursts. Cause what does Joffrey care about wasting all that wine? He's like 12. Just keep Ser Dantos away from the juice boxes and we should be fine.
Sansa puts a stop to the madness by insisting that it's bad luck for Joffrey to order someone killed on his Name Day. Also, you shouldn't get Joffrey wet or feed him after midnight. Those are the rules. Which means, if you think about it, Ser Dontos ended up basically copping a wicked buzz for free. Not bad...
- 7+ 7- 4
Fleeing During the Battle of the Blackwaterv
With wildfire mastermind Tyrion already leading the charge in defense of Kings Landing, protective mommy Cersei comes out and pulls Joffrey from the wall (not even the front lines) and back into the safety of the castle during the Battle of the Blackwater, an act which demoralized the men and left his Uncle- then the Hand of the King- to take care of business.
- 8+ 22- 20
Joffrey Has It Out With Cerseiv
Joffrey, newly coronated, has heard the gossip about the... rather murky circumstances of his birth. So naturally, he goes to his mother, Cersei, with his concerns, and to find out the truth. Because when you play the Game of Thrones, you win or you end up in a slapfight with your adolescent son in a still-under-construction throne room.
Joffrey and Cersei have a tense back-and-forth, in which he taunts his mother with the (perfectly true) rumors about King Robert fathering bastards throughout the kingdom. (When you consider his age, size and the fact that most of his meals were basically hog fat in a goblet, it's pretty amazing King Robert had the endurance to father this many children. No wonder they made him king.) Then she hits him, which may be the first thing she's done in the series to date that wins her points with the viewers at home.
Joffrey notes that his mother's actions are "punishable by death," but actually DOESN'T have her arrested and beheaded. This time. But he hasn't ruled out the whole "fill her full of wine on my next Name Day" plan. Let's play it as it comes.
- 9+ 4- 5
His Reaction to Being Hit With a Cow Piev
Best way to react to getting hit with a pile of turds while parading around the peasants of your kingdom who never really liked you to begin with?
Kill 'em. Kill 'em all.
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