Kenny Powers Quotes

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Kenny Powers quotes are the best lines ever uttered by the star of HBO's wildly popular comedy series 'Eastbound & Down.' Kenny Powers, quite simply, is a washed-up former pro baseball player who's reached middle age and finds that without his star life in the major leagues, he's got very little actually going for him. What he does have, though, is his "Powerisms:" words of wisdom (term used loosely) that he lives by.

This is a list of some of the funniest, most memorable Kenny Powers 'Eastbound & Down' quotes of all-time. See a favorite? Definitely vote it up. And if you know of a great Kenny Powers quote that isn't listed, please add it. The best Kenny Powers quotes from seasons one and two of 'Eastbound & Down' are on this list, but with season three coming, no doubt we'll get many other nuggets of Kenny goodness.

The first season of 'Eastbound & Down' debuted on HBO in February of 2009. Danny McBride stars as Kenny Powers. McBride is also one of the writers on the show. The quotes from Kenny are always memorable, almost always offensive - and definitely always hilarious. In season one, Kenny replays his book on tape: 'You're F**king Out, I'm F**king In,' and the quotes come so fast it's hard to remember them all. Many of those quotes are listed here, but if you see one that isn't, again, add it, by all means.

All hail the great and hysterically funny Kenny Powers! Enjoy the quotes, and hopefully you'll learn something. Something that you should never, ever repeat in public. Ever.
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    Mind of a Scientist

    Mind of a Scientist is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list Kenny Powers Quotes
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    I've been blessed with many things in this life: an arm like a damn rocket, a cock like a burmese python, and the mind of a f**king scientist.
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    Memories

    Memories is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list Kenny Powers Quotes
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    I've had a lot of memories and sometimes I have to dump the small ones to make room for the bigger ones. But sometimes, when you try to dump the smaller ones, you think they're gone but they're not. They're sitting there, waiting to pick up exactly where they left off. No matter if there are new memories standing in their way or not.
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    No "I" in Team




    There is no I in 'team' but there is a U in 'c**t.' So don't be little jealous c**ts, okay?
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    Patriotism

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    Sure, I've been called a xenophobe, but the truth is, I'm not. I honestly just feel that America is the best country and the other countries aren't as good. That used to be called patriotism.
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    Losing and Cancer

    Losing and Cancer is listed (or ranked) 5 on the list Kenny Powers Quotes
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    If there's one thing I hate it's losing. If there's two things I hate it it's losing and getting cancer.
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    Getting a Buzz On

    Getting a Buzz On is listed (or ranked) 6 on the list Kenny Powers Quotes
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    This is me every night dude, just staring at buttholes and getting a buzz on.
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    Paid for Sex




    A lot of people ask me, 'Kenny Powers, you're a giant star. You can get any woman. Have you ever paid for sex?' And the answer is yes, I have. And it's actually kinda cool. You can negotiate practically anything and sometimes, even just kind of do stuff in the moment that you never agreed to pay for and it goes by without much argument.
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    I Love Women

    I Love Women is listed (or ranked) 8 on the list Kenny Powers Quotes
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    People say Kenny Powers is a woman hater. That's not true. I love women. Every f**king one of them, even the ugly as s**t ones. But don't ask me to trust 'em. Not even nuns, because every pair of t**s comes with a gaping hole of need that even Kenny Powers can't fill.
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