- 1+ 14- 0
Losing Three PointsvGuido: You can lose all your points for any one of three things. One: If you cry. Two: If you ask to see your mother. Three: If you're hungry and ask for a snack! Forget it!
- 2+ 7- 0
Have a Sweet DreamsGuido: You are such a good boy. You sleep now. Dream sweet dreams. Maybe we are both dreaming. Maybe this is all a dream, and in the morning, Mommy will wake us up with milk and cookies. Then, after we eat, I will make love to her two or three times. If I can.
- 3+ 5- 0
Riding on a TrainvGuido: You've never ridden on a train, have you? They're fantastic! Everybody stands up, close together, and there are no seats!
Giosué Orefice: There aren't any seats?
Guido: Seats? On a train? It's obvious you've never ridden one before! No, everybody's packed in, standing up. Look at this line to get on! Hey, we've got tickets, save room for us!
- 4+ 5- 0
We Won!vGiosué Orefice: We won!
Dora: Yes, we won! Its true.
Giosué Orefice: We got a thousand points and we won the game! Daddy and me came in first and now we won the real tank! We won! We won!
- 5+ 6- 1
Say What?vGuido: I forgot to tell you.
Dora: Go ahead.
Guido: You can't imagine how much I feel like making love to you. But I'll never tell anyone, especially not you. They'd have to torture me to make me say it.
Dora: Say what?
Guido: That I want to make love to you - not just once, but over and over again! But I'll never tell you that. I'd have to be crazy to tell you. I'd even make love to you now... right here for the rest of my life.
- 6+ 4- 0
Necessary or UnnecessaryEliseo Orefice: Nothing is more necessary than the unnecessary.
- 7+ 4- 0
No Jews Or Dogs Allowed!Giosué Orefice: "No Jews or Dogs Allowed." Why do all the shops say, "No Jews Allowed"?
Guido: Oh, that. "Not Allowed" signs are the latest trend! The other day, I was in a shop with my friend the kangaroo, but their sign said, "No Kangaroos Allowed," and I said to my friend, "Well, what can I do? They don't allow kangaroos."
Giosué Orefice: Why doesn't our shop have a "Not Allowed" sign?
Guido: Well, tomorrow, we'll put one up. We won't let in anything we don't like. What don't you like?
Giosué Orefice: Spiders.
Guido: Good. I don't like Visigoths. Tomorrow, we'll get sign: "No Spiders or Visigoths Allowed."
- 8+ 3- 0
Let's Take The BusGiosué Orefice: I didn't like the train.
Guido: Me, neither. We'll take the bus back, okay?
Guido: Did you hear that? We're taking the bus back!
- 9+ 3- 1
They Don't Make Them WorkvDora: At least they don't make the children and old people work.
Female Prisoner: They don't make them work because they kill them! One day, you will hear a lady calling, "Kids, come take a shower," then they gas them!
- 10+ 1- 0
Buttons and SoapGiosué Orefice: Buttons and soap.
Giosué Orefice: They turn us into buttons and soap.
Guido: Who told you that?
Giosué Orefice: An old man was crying. He said they turn us into buttons and soap. They burn us all up in ovens.