The Best Louis CK Quotes

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Louis CK quotes range from the simple observations about life to the timeless jokes that have made him one of the top comedians in the world right now. Whether the quotes come from his stand-up act, his televised comedy specials or his hit television show, "Louie," the best Louis C.K. quotes give us something to thing about and most importantly, make us laugh.

Born Louis Szekely in Washington, DC, Louis CK started his comedy career by doing stand-up in Boston, Massachusetts, in the 1980s. He went on to write jokes for and make appearances on shows like "The Late Show with David Letterman" and "Late Night with Conan O'Brien," among others. This work came together to make Louis CK a household name and put him among the funniest comedians in entertainment.

While Louis C.K. found success, like the others he followed in the comedy world such as George Carlin, he didn't necessarily do it with clean humor. As evident in the best Louis CK quotes, often times he provides commentary on issues like racism, religion, sex, gender, marriage equality and first world problems.

What are the best Louis CK quotes? Whether he's performing stand-up at a comedy club, appearing on his television series or simply doing an interview, Louis CK has found the key to becoming successful in the comedy world. It's not always politically correct, but it makes fans around the world laugh and that's a mission accomplished.
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    Louis CK on Marriage Equality

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    It doesn't have ANY effect on your life. What do you care?! People try to talk about it like it's a social issue. Like when you see someone stand up on a talk show and say, "How am I supposed to explain to my children that two men are getting married?" ... I dunno, it's your s**tty kid and you f**kin' tell 'em. Why is that anyone else's problem? Two guys are in love but they can't get married because you don't want to talk to your ugly child for five f**kin' minutes?
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    Louis CK on Men vs Women

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    A man will cut your arm off and throw it in a river, but he'll leave you as a human being intact. He won't f**k with who you are. Women are non-violent but they will s**t inside of your heart.
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    Louis CK on Child Abuse

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    I really think it's crazy that we hit our kids. It really is. Here's the crazy part about it. inds are the only people in the world that you're allowed to hit. Do you realize that? They're the most vulnerable and they're the most destroyed by being hit, but it's totally OK to hit them. And they're the only ones! If you hit a dog, they f**king will put you in jail for that s**t.
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    Louis CK on Boredom

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    "I'm bored" is a useless thing to say. You live in a great, big, vast world that you've seen none percent of. And even the inside of your own mind is endless. It goes on forever inwardly. Do you understand? Being the fact that you're alive is amazing, you don't get to be bored.
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    Louis CK on Life and Death

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    You're all gonna die. Then you'll be dead for way longer than you're alive, like that's mostly what you're ever gonna be. You're just dead people that didn't die yet.
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    Louis CK on Internet Piracy

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    Nice to be here. I had a good day today I went to a movie. Before the movie now they show you that presentation where they explain that you shouldn't download movies on the Internet because you're hurting all the people that work on them. They need to feed their families so you shouldn't download the movies. And I saw this and I thought, "Wow, I had no idea. I didn't know you could download movies on the Internet... I don't care about those people."
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    Louis CK on White People Problems

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    We have white people problems in America. That's what we have, white people problems. You know what that is? That's where your life is amazing, do you just make s**t up to be upset about. People in other countries have real problems. Like, "Oh, s**t. They're cutting off all our heads today." Things like that. Here, we make s**t up to be upset about. Like, "How come I have to choose a language on the ATM machine? It's bulls**t. I shouldn't have to do that. I'm American."
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    Louis CK on Eating

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    The meal is not over when I'm full. The meal is over when I hate myself.
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