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Louis CK on Internet PiracyNice to be here. I had a good day today I went to a movie. Before the movie now they show you that presentation where they explain that you shouldn't download movies on the Internet because you're hurting all the people that work on them. They need to feed their families so you shouldn't download the movies. And I saw this and I thought, "Wow, I had no idea. I didn't know you could download movies on the Internet... I don't care about those people."
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Louis CK on Men vs WomenA man will cut your arm off and throw it in a river, but he'll leave you as a human being intact. He won't f**k with who you are. Women are non-violent but they will s**t inside of your heart.
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Louis CK on HuntingI don't have a gun, but if I did, I would shoot a baby deer in the mouth and feel nothing.
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Louis CK on His Stand-Up ActI find that when people laugh really hard, it's usually because they're connecting and identifying in a way that they hadn't considered. That's my payoff. I'm not interested in other people thinking differently. I don't care. I'm not even educated; it's something that I'm not qualified to do. I'm just like yeast-- I eat sugar and I s**t alcohol. And there's a huge culture that goes with that. Alcohol creates massive shifts in world history, and it changes people's lives. People get pregnant because of alcohol. But the yeast doesn't give a f**k. The yeast isn't going, "I really want to help people loosen up and bring passion into Irish people's lives."
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Louis CK on White People ProblemsWe have white people problems in America. That's what we have, white people problems. You know what that is? That's where your life is amazing, do you just make s**t up to be upset about. People in other countries have real problems. Like, "Oh, s**t. They're cutting off all our heads today." Things like that. Here, we make s**t up to be upset about. Like, "How come I have to choose a language on the ATM machine? It's bulls**t. I shouldn't have to do that. I'm American."
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