Madea's Witness Protection Movie Quotes

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'Madea's Witness Protection' movie quotes include some great lines from this 2012 Tyler Perry comedy. 'Witness Protection' is the latest in the wildly popular 'Madea' movie franchise that began with 2005's 'Diary of a Black Woman' and also includes 2006's 'Madea's Family Reunion,' 2008's 'Madea Goes to Jail' and 2011's 'Madea's Big Happy Family.' Tyler Perry wrote, directed and stars in 'Madea's Witness Protection' as Madea: the wise-cracking grandma everyone adores. Not surprisingly, many of these 'Madea's Witness Protection' quotes are hilarious, so be sure to vote for your favorites (and vote down any quotes you don't like). Also, if you know of a great 'Madea's Witness Protection' quote that isn't listed, add it!

Madea is back in 'Madea's Witness Protection,' providing a safe haven for Wall Street big shot George Needleman (Eugene Levy). George's company is accused of running a massive Ponzi scheme with help from the mob. George is in huge trouble, because he's the "fall guy," so everyone -- especially the mob -- is looking to do him in. As a result, George and his family, including wife Kate (Denise Richards) and mom Barbara (Doris Roberts), are put into the witness protection program. Lo and behold, where do they wind up? At Madea's house, of course!

If you're interested in great movie quotes from other films, check out some of these lists for the best lines from 'Tyler Perry's Good Deeds,' 'Ted,' 'That's My Boy,' 'Men in Black III,' 'Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted,' 'The Dictator,' 'The Sitter,' 'The Three Stooges,' 'Dark Shadows,' 'American Reunion,' 'Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter' and 'Piranha 3DD.'
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  1. 1
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    Taste the Rainbow

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    Howie: "You're so huge, like a giant bag of Skittles."
    Madea: "You better get the hell up or when I come back up in here you know what's gonna happen? You're gonna taste the rainbowwwwwww."

    George Needleman's son, Howie (Devan Leos), learns the same lesson his dad learns: Get up out of bed and do NOT sleep in or smart off to Madea. Ever.
  2. 2
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    Greatest Christianity Thing

    Greatest Christianity Thing is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list Madea's Witness Protection Movie Quotes
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    Madea: "The answer's a flat-out 'no' and I am not changing my mind."
    Brian: "Four thousand dollars a month..."
    Madea: "I believe it would be the greatest Christianity thing I could do to help somebody in need..."


    When Brian Simmons first approaches Madea about hiding the Needleman family, she's absolutely against it. What changes her mind? It's not the "Christianity thing," it's the cash...
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    Spooning With Madea

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    Madea (to George): "If I come back up these stairs and you still in this bed I'm gonna get completely naked and get up in there with you and spoon."
    George: "I'm up!"


    Madea does NOT take kindly to sleeping in. George Needleman would be well served to remember that, otherwise he's gonna get spooned.
  4. 4
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    If It's Brown, Pour It

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    Madea: "Flight attendant?"
    Flight Attendant: "Yes ma'am?"
    Madea: "I would like something to drink, please, because I need something to relax me just a little bit."
    Flight Attendant: "Okay, what would you like?"
    Madea: "That depends, how much is it?"
    Stewardess: "Your in first class it's free."
    Madea: "Okay, well bring me every damn thing you got back there. If it's brown, pour it."


    Madea's journey to New York is first class, all the way, and she takes full advantage of it. She's definitely a fearful flyer, but alcohol might help. And free alcohol? Yeah, keep pouring...
  5. 5
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    Hide Five White Folks

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    Madea: "I wanna know how the hell I'm suppose to hide five white folks. If the police come in this neighborhood they don't even come in a a white car, they send a black SUV!"


    When Madea's nephew, Brian Simmons (Tyler Perry) informs her that the people she's agreed to hide are white, she's understandably not sure if they'll be incognito in her neighborhood.
  6. 6
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    Hungry Butt

    Hungry Butt is listed (or ranked) 6 on the list Madea's Witness Protection Movie Quotes
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    Uncle Joe (as Madea bends over): "Her butt must be hungry because it's chewing that dress alive."


    Madea's brother, 'Uncle' Joe Simmons (Tyler Perry), might need to keep quiet about the size of Madea's posterior in that ginormous floral dress. Madea is in the kitchen and she has a lot of weapons nearby...
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    Chocolate

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    Bell hop: "Your chocolate..." (presents a tray with chocolates)
    Madea: "If that's a new way of saying 'black' I'm chocolate, yes, AfricaTamerican.'

    Madea is definitely one of the most quotable characters in comedy movies, even if you can't always spell what she says.
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    Road Map to Heaven

    Road Map to Heaven is listed (or ranked) 8 on the list Madea's Witness Protection Movie Quotes
    Photo: user uploaded image

    Madea (walks through metal detector at the airport, it goes off): "What the hell is that?"
    TSA Agent: "Just gonna do a quick pat down..." (begins patting down Madea)
    Madea: "You gonna find a road map to heaven -- you better come on from up there now, come on up!"


    Madea heads to NYC and she's not familiar with the new airport screening procedures, including pat downs (and removing shoes, which she's wont to do because who'll get them back on her feet?).
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