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- 1+ 8- 0
Agent J: "Hey man, hey, how old are you?"
Young Agent K: "Twenty-nine."
Agent J: "You got some city miles on you."
Only Agent K could look 60 when he's not even 30 yet. It's all the stress -- he really needs to take up yoga or something.
- 2+ 11- 2
Andy Warhol's One of Us?
Andy Warhol: "Dammit K, trying to blow my cover?"
Agent J: "Whoa, Andy Warhol's one of us?!"
Andy Warhol (to Young Agent K): "Who's the dumbass?"
Agent J: "You know, I'd have no problem pimp-slapping the shiznit out of Andy Warhol."
Andy Warhol was MIB? This totally explains everything. Every. Thing. And props to casting Bill Hader as Warhol...
- 3+ 9- 3
This is What Happens
Agent J (to crowd): "Okay, you know how your kid won a goldfish in that little baggie from the school fair and you didn't want that nasty thing in your house so you flushed it down the toilet?" (big nasty alien fish gets carried off) "Well, this is what happens."
If ever there was a need to use the neuralizer, this is it. This ginormous fish-alien-thing is far more menacing than that cute little goldfish you won at the fair...
- 4+ 4- 1
We Need to Go, Right Now
Young Agent K: "Last chance: Who are you and what do you know?"
Agent J: "I'm an agent of Men in Black but I'm from the future. We're partners. 25 years from now you're gonna recruit me and 14 years after that the guy you didn't let me kill today at Coney Island, he escapes from prison and jumps back in the past and unleashes a full-scale invasion of Earth. We got about 19 hours to catch him and kill him so really, we need to go, right now."
Young Agent K: "Alright."
Agent J is (understandably) skeptical -- he's almost certain the Young Agent K (Josh Brolin, and wow was this a stellar casting decision) won't believe him. Surprisingly, he does -- but only after staring and scowling at J for a few good seconds.
- 5+ 2- 0
Turn Your Cell Phone Off
Agent J: "Ladies and gentlemen if you will, look right here." (Neuralizes the crowd) "Okay, you know how you're on an airplane and the flight attendant asks you to turn your cell phone off? And you're like 'I ain't turning by cell phone off, that don't have nothing to do with no damn airplane.' Well, this is what we get." (points to space junk/plane debris) "That's what happens, it gets up there and bounces around on the satellites and Blam! Just turn your damn cell phone off. Now you're gonna drive off a cliff tonight because your GPS don't work."
Agent J's neuralizing scenes are always hilarious, and highly quotable. This is just one of many, and he's got a point about turning off the "damn cell phone."
- 6+ 3- 2
The Lie You Told Me
Agent K: "There are things out there you don't need to know about."
Agent J: "That's not the lie you told me when you recruited me!"
Agent K, withholding information? Never! Yeah, Agent J never did get the whole story -- like the part about time travel totally being possible...
- 7+ 2- 1
Agent J: "You gotta send me back to 1969!"
Alien: "First, we gotta get high."
Agent J: "My man, for real!?"
Alien: "No, I mean really high..."
He definitely means really high, because in the next frame, we see the Chrysler Building. And Agent J has to jump from it to get back to 1969. And he has only 24 hours to fix everything -- otherwise, he'll be stuck there forever.
- 8+ 2- 1
Young Agent K: "Okay, future man, where to?"
Agent J: "First of all, I'm gonna need my gun." (K hands J a pistol)
Agent J: "No no no -- space gun!"
One of the big drawbacks to going back in time to 1969: The weapons aren't nearly as cool...and they're much larger and more awkward.